"I prefer to celebrate Halloweed."
As a teenager, The Chemical Buddha broke with the traditional thinking around him and created his own holiday to remind people of the path to enlightenment. In his mind, he saw 'enlightenment helpers' being passed out every October 31st. After writing several letters to his Congressional representatives promoting his holiday idea, the Federal Government was nice enough to kick in his door and go through all of his stuff. Luckily, his case was thrown out when he claimed religious persecution. From then on, he took his Halloweed movement underground and died without ever seeing his dream fulfilled. So as you celebrate Halloween, please keep the Chemical Buddha's dream alive and watch out for the DEA.
What dream of yours have you hidden away and not shared?
What would it take for you to follow your dream?
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
You're Only as Sick as Your Secrets
"The only people who can keep a secret are the ones who don't know it."
The Chemical Buddha found this out the hard way when he told some very personal information to a friend who said he wouldn't tell a single soul. And he didn't tell a single soul. He told several souls. Who then proceeded to tell two friends and that person told two friends and so on. The next thing The Chemical Buddha knew, everyone was talking about how he liked to shave his initials into his pubic hair. Not only did he learn that you lose control of a secret once you tell someone, but people won't pass on a secret that's not interesting. For instance, no one talked about how aerosol cheese was his favorite food.
Are you someone people trust with their secrets?
What do you know about yourself that's so secret even you won't acknowledge what it is?
The Chemical Buddha found this out the hard way when he told some very personal information to a friend who said he wouldn't tell a single soul. And he didn't tell a single soul. He told several souls. Who then proceeded to tell two friends and that person told two friends and so on. The next thing The Chemical Buddha knew, everyone was talking about how he liked to shave his initials into his pubic hair. Not only did he learn that you lose control of a secret once you tell someone, but people won't pass on a secret that's not interesting. For instance, no one talked about how aerosol cheese was his favorite food.
Are you someone people trust with their secrets?
What do you know about yourself that's so secret even you won't acknowledge what it is?
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Blow Job?
"Work is when you sell your hopes and dreams for money."
At least that is what The Chemical Buddha always told himself as a way of justifying why he didn't have a job. His other delusion was that his hopes and dreams were priceless and no business could afford them. The truth is, his dreams were simple and mostly intoxication or orgasm based. The Chemical Buddha believed a job would require too much time and prevent him from pursuing his connection to the one. (And by 'one', he meant one hitter.) Although the cash infusion might have been useful. Because there's no telling what he could have accomplished, and the people he could have touched, if he was able to earn the money needed to acquire clean underwear or even soap.
In what ways do you tell yourself, you don't really want what you want?
Which do you think is better? To try and fail or never try at all?
At least that is what The Chemical Buddha always told himself as a way of justifying why he didn't have a job. His other delusion was that his hopes and dreams were priceless and no business could afford them. The truth is, his dreams were simple and mostly intoxication or orgasm based. The Chemical Buddha believed a job would require too much time and prevent him from pursuing his connection to the one. (And by 'one', he meant one hitter.) Although the cash infusion might have been useful. Because there's no telling what he could have accomplished, and the people he could have touched, if he was able to earn the money needed to acquire clean underwear or even soap.
In what ways do you tell yourself, you don't really want what you want?
Which do you think is better? To try and fail or never try at all?
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Bad Liver
"I’ve never met a drug I didn’t take."
The Chemical Buddha's liver could attest to the fact that he really did try everything. In Kindergarten, before his drug education was complete, he snorted pixie sticks, licked postage stamps (back when they were lickable) and smoked oregano. Eventually, he learned to at least only try stuff that was in pill form, smelled like alcohol or was smoked. Later, he learned to only pay after he'd tried it. Hopefully, The Chemical Buddha's life can be a warning to you that the road to enlightenment is filled with those who would lead you astray. People who try to pass bunk weed and baking soda off as the real thing. So know, dear readers, that you will be tested along your path. No one said this would be easy. And just when you feel your liver withering and your awareness expanding, your 'friends' may try to stage an intervention. Know that only you can keep yourself on the path you have chosen.
How has being open to all options made it hard for you to choose?
If you did choose a direction, what could you gain? What could you lose?
The Chemical Buddha's liver could attest to the fact that he really did try everything. In Kindergarten, before his drug education was complete, he snorted pixie sticks, licked postage stamps (back when they were lickable) and smoked oregano. Eventually, he learned to at least only try stuff that was in pill form, smelled like alcohol or was smoked. Later, he learned to only pay after he'd tried it. Hopefully, The Chemical Buddha's life can be a warning to you that the road to enlightenment is filled with those who would lead you astray. People who try to pass bunk weed and baking soda off as the real thing. So know, dear readers, that you will be tested along your path. No one said this would be easy. And just when you feel your liver withering and your awareness expanding, your 'friends' may try to stage an intervention. Know that only you can keep yourself on the path you have chosen.
How has being open to all options made it hard for you to choose?
If you did choose a direction, what could you gain? What could you lose?
Monday, October 27, 2008
Mind the Gap
"Women control half the money and all the pussy."
Although this insight seems to be pretty self-explanatory, it took The Chemical Buddha quite a few years to fully grasp it. Later in life, it dawned on him that if women controlled all of the pussy they actually controlled all of the money too. Or at least they would control the money for 90% of the male population that's straight or bi. Because men will spend practically anything to get some. But usually only for the pussy they don't already have. However, if women could come together, rather than compete against each other, they could literally control the world. The Chemical Buddha hoped that philanderers like himself would never see that day come. Luckily, in this incarnation, it didn't. But what about his next life? Or the one after that?
What or who controls you?
If something else (or someone else) controls your life, what would have to change for you to take responsibility for yourself?
Although this insight seems to be pretty self-explanatory, it took The Chemical Buddha quite a few years to fully grasp it. Later in life, it dawned on him that if women controlled all of the pussy they actually controlled all of the money too. Or at least they would control the money for 90% of the male population that's straight or bi. Because men will spend practically anything to get some. But usually only for the pussy they don't already have. However, if women could come together, rather than compete against each other, they could literally control the world. The Chemical Buddha hoped that philanderers like himself would never see that day come. Luckily, in this incarnation, it didn't. But what about his next life? Or the one after that?
What or who controls you?
If something else (or someone else) controls your life, what would have to change for you to take responsibility for yourself?
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Bend Over, I'll Drive
"Looking younger just lulls us into thinking we have more time."
One of The Chemical Buddha's favorite things about American culture was its obsession with youth. He theorized this was because most of us looked our best in our late teens/early 20s. In fact, The Chemical Buddha pegged his physical appearance peak at 6 ½. He also noticed most people seemed to be trying to get back (either physically or mentally) to their perceived peak. Personally, he was just happy to spend a little time inside of someone youthful (yet of legal age). Or at least, the age of legal consent. For those of you literally scoring at home, the lowest age of consent is 14 in Arkansas, Iowa, Indiana, Missouri, and South Carolina. Some of your better Bible belt states. Luckily, most of these states were close together, making for easy 'Sleep with a Buddha' road trips.
How have you lulled yourself into putting important decisions off until tomorrow?
If this was your last day, what would you do? Or who would you talk to/spend it with?
One of The Chemical Buddha's favorite things about American culture was its obsession with youth. He theorized this was because most of us looked our best in our late teens/early 20s. In fact, The Chemical Buddha pegged his physical appearance peak at 6 ½. He also noticed most people seemed to be trying to get back (either physically or mentally) to their perceived peak. Personally, he was just happy to spend a little time inside of someone youthful (yet of legal age). Or at least, the age of legal consent. For those of you literally scoring at home, the lowest age of consent is 14 in Arkansas, Iowa, Indiana, Missouri, and South Carolina. Some of your better Bible belt states. Luckily, most of these states were close together, making for easy 'Sleep with a Buddha' road trips.
How have you lulled yourself into putting important decisions off until tomorrow?
If this was your last day, what would you do? Or who would you talk to/spend it with?
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Hunk-a, Hunk-a of Burning Love
"A new tomorrow is as close as your medicine cabinet."
Most days, the only reason The Chemical Buddha would pull himself out of bed was the lure of his 'medicine' cabinet. (Also known as his stash box.) What new exciting, cocktail would he come up with today? Where would it take him? What would he see? That's when he got the idea of turning his medicine and liquor cabinets into his headboard. That way he wouldn't have to get up to go exploring. It also had the added advantage of allowing him to lure people into his bed to partake in a variety of mind-altering worlds and positions. This period of time helped to establish The Chemical Buddha as The Elvis of Enlightenment (just without the music or the money.) If you'll notice, the initials for Elvis' favorite saying, "Taking Care of Business" (TCB) are also the initials for The Chemical Buddha. Coincidence? We think not.
What do you need to do before you feel like you can fully step into tomorrow?
Is it possible the answer is closer than you think?
Most days, the only reason The Chemical Buddha would pull himself out of bed was the lure of his 'medicine' cabinet. (Also known as his stash box.) What new exciting, cocktail would he come up with today? Where would it take him? What would he see? That's when he got the idea of turning his medicine and liquor cabinets into his headboard. That way he wouldn't have to get up to go exploring. It also had the added advantage of allowing him to lure people into his bed to partake in a variety of mind-altering worlds and positions. This period of time helped to establish The Chemical Buddha as The Elvis of Enlightenment (just without the music or the money.) If you'll notice, the initials for Elvis' favorite saying, "Taking Care of Business" (TCB) are also the initials for The Chemical Buddha. Coincidence? We think not.
What do you need to do before you feel like you can fully step into tomorrow?
Is it possible the answer is closer than you think?
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