Three is a Magic Number

"To some three is a crowd. To me, it’s a threesome."
To numerologist three is the number of a relationship. There is me, you and, the third, us. To the Chemical Buddha, three was the minimum needed to have a good time. He would also agree that it was the number of a relationship as in the number to have in a relationship. The most sacred version of the number three being two females and The Chemical Buddha. Of course, there was no way TCB could come close to satisfying one woman, let alone two women. But he always hoped they would please each other and he could watch as he drifted off to sleep.
Have you ever prejudged your potential partner? What was the impact? Did they surprise you or live up (or down) to your expectations?
What are the minimum things you require in a relationship?
What are the little extras you can bring to make your relationships last?

That Doesn't Hurt. Much.

"Humans are the only animals that repeatedly do things they know will hurt them."
We often refer to other animals as 'stupid'. Yet even 'stupid' animals quickly learn how to avoid doing things that hurt them or bring them pain. However, the same thing can't be said for supposed 'smart' people. And The Chemical Buddha considered himself smart and definitely smarter than most, if not all, animals. But, despite his genius, he was involved in multiple painful relationships (OK, all of his relationships were painful) and had hangovers on top of hangovers. (In both cases he learned nothing helps you forget a relationship like another relationship. And nothing cures a hangover like another drink or a joint.) Of course, as the pain mounted, the relationships got shorter and shorter and he needed to drink more and more. But hey, that was something no 'stupid' animal ever learned.
What painful lessons do you keep learning over and over?
What's it going to take for you to get the lesson and move on?

Trade for Sex

"You can either pay for sex by the hour or with half of your possessions."
This insight marks the turning point of The Chemical Buddha's attitude towards sex and relationships. TCB gained this awareness after yet another 'relationship' break up where his latest 'lover' (by 'lover' we mean someone he slept with and by 'relationship' we mean she actually stuck around until morning) moved out taking most of his possessions with her. Even though he didn't really have much worth taking, she did make off with his favorite roach clips and his beer bottle cap collection. It was then The Chemical Buddha decided it would be easier to just start paying for sex by the hour (or sex act) instead of always having to go to the thrift store to buy a blender and combing through people's trash for a new mattress.
How often do you make choices that aren't good for you?
Do these choices have a simpler solution that might serve you better?
What are you willing to give up to be in a 'relationship'?

Fuck you all

"How come when my girlfriend doesn’t want to fuck me, she doesn’t want me to fuck anyone else either?"
There was a very brief moment in time when The Chemical Buddha was actually paired up with someone. (Like most of TCB's interactions, his appetites doomed their relationship.) But out of it, came today's insight. The Chemical Buddha was never able to resolve the conflict of what to do when you want something but the other person doesn't want to give it to you. At this same time, The Chemical Buddha also discovered there were laws against taking what you want from someone. Really, really harsh laws. Today's insight only heightened TCB's interest in hookers. It's rumored he had a 'relationship' with several. But we're sure it was strictly monetary.
How do you react when people don't give you what you want?
How do you feel not giving people what they want?
Is it OK for other people to tell you 'no'? Is it OK for you to tell people 'no'?

I Luuhuv You! On Second Thought.

"Only date people you like after you orgasm."
This insight, when coupled with the writings from March 24th ("Everyone’s in love right before they orgasm.") sum up The Chemical Buddha's philosophy on relationships. Everything is good until the orgasm. Then, it takes a special woman to do anything with afterward. Of course, it took a special woman to even get into bed (or the back seat of the car, or in the bean bag chair, or on top of the table) with TCB in the first place, but that's another story that you will probably never read about in these pages. Although there have been several tell-all phrases/sentences in a couple of blogs about TCB. And while his insight might be cold and a little heartless, I think the lesson of making sure you like someone in every situation is valid. Which is why TCB died a single man.
Are you deliberate in your planning or do you just jump?
How often are you excited when you get something only to have second thoughts?
When you have second thoughts do you believe you can change your mind? Why or why not?

Zzzzzzz

“The secret to a successful relationship is pretending you’re asleep.”
The Chemical Buddha was involved in some relationships where his partner liked to discuss deep, personal, highly volatile topics right before bed. Topics like: when are you going to pay me? Is that it? Why are you so bad in bed? TCB learned early on that if he pretended to be asleep the expectations of an answer would stop. And so, eventually, would the questions. This did lead to several awkward moments in The Chemical Buddha’s life where he would pretend to be asleep while eating and, on a couple of occasions, driving. His friend actually called an ambulance on him one time when he fell asleep while watching porn. (Which almost never happened.) Even though they didn’t take him to the hospital, he still had to pay the bill.
How do you avoid dealing with things you don’t want to deal with?
And what does it cost you?

Fill the Void

“A wedding ring doesn’t cover the hole.”
We’re not sure if The Chemical Buddha’s early childhood was more fucked up than other people’s, but we do know he had some challenges to overcome. This saying is actually something The Chemical Buddha’s mother always said to him before she went ‘out’ to spend another night with a ‘sick’ friend. At his impressionable age, this idea would later frame The Chemical Buddha’s entire understanding of fidelity and relationships. It also framed his thoughts on commitment and one’s responsibility to those commitments. That said, The Chemical Buddha was committed to something: not committing to anything.
Do you follow through on what you commit to? Or do you just commit without thinking?
What do you do when you don’t want to honor your commitments? Do you let the other person know or just do what you want to do and hope they don’t find out?