Fucking Ugly

"No one looks good while they're cumming."
After watching countless hours of porn, The Chemical Buddha noticed that people made the strangest faces when they were supposedly enjoying themselves the most. First, he thought this pointed to how closely related pleasure and pain were. Second, he assumed that he was the exception to the 'ugly orgasm face'. In fact, he was so sure, he videotaped himself masturbating to see what his face looked like. (Just so you know, few people wanted to have sex with TCB, let alone be filmed doing it.) Since we can find no recorded evidence of his 'alone time' we assume he too was a victim of 'ugly orgasm face'.
What things do you say you'd be 'happy' to do when you're really not?
How often do you do stuff you don't want to do?
How often do you actually do the stuff that you enjoy doing?

Lie to Me

"If someone cares enough about me to fake their orgasm, I'm OK with that."
Men that The Chemical Buddha knew spent their early sexual lives worrying if they were satisfying their partners. And then worked hard to figure out what it would take to make them happy in bed. It's well documented that TCB didn't share their concerns. He didn't wonder if his lover's orgasm was 'real' or not. There was so much more to worry about. Like his own orgasm. And when it came right down to it, if someone cared enough to not hurt his feelings by pretending they felt something (anything) then that to him was the sincerest from of love possible. Because only those that truly loved him would be concerned about his pleasure and his feelings.
Do you lie to avoid hurting people's feelings?
How do you feel when people are critical of you? Would you rather have the truth or feel good about yourself (assuming both aren't always possible)?

Seconds 'til Orgasm

"Premature ejaculation is premature for whom?"
As the insight from August 26th showed, The Chemical Buddha was nothing if not true to himself. But after hearing some complaints about his stamina (or lack there of) TCB asked himself the above question. Because, if he was having sex to please himself, then, quite frankly, he couldn't come fast enough. Wasn't that the entire goal? If evolution's goal was for us to propagate as much as possible, then he was actually the peak of evolution. Especially when compared to those who take minutes to come. Of course, the complaints were because, it appeared to The Chemical Buddha, his partners actually wanted him to consider their needs. But it's pretty safe to say that just wasn't going to happen.
How do other people beliefs about what you should do affect your life?
What would happen if you worried less about what others thought and, instead, just focused on yourself?
What would be different if you focused on other people instead of yourself?

Faking it

"I have never faked an orgasm."
Hopefully, if you've learned anything about The Chemical Buddha it's that he was true to himself. So he never did anything (or anyone) he didn't want to do. So it was pretty safe to assume that if TCB did anything it was because he wanted to. This also meant he was a horrible liar and poker player because everyone could always tell what he was thinking. Unless he was unconscious. Then he was an awesome liar. Because of his total self-honesty, he never ever faked an orgasm. (Except for that one time when a girl he was fucking told him to pull out because she wasn't on the pill. He, of course, had already came, so he pulled out and pretended to come on her stomach.) Of course, he did believe that if someone cared enough to fake an orgasm with him, they must really care. Or think his self-esteem was too fragile to handle the truth. Truth be told, it didn't matter to him what the reason was.
Do you think other people are truthful to you?
Are you truthful with other people?
What parts of your life are you faking your way through?
Where do you need to be more true to yourself?

Pleasure and Pain

"It is said even constant orgasming can become agony. That's a risk I'm willing to take."
The masters said too much of anything could become painful and that we needed pain to know pleasure. That light couldn't exist without dark. And while this theory seemed to make a lot of sense on the surface, The Chemical Buddha believed they only used it to explain a particularly difficult and painful stretch a student was experiencing. Because really? Has anyone had too much pleasure? Fuck no! And there didn't seem to be any risk of that happening either. So when his teachers cautioned TCB about wishing for never-ending joy (like in today's insight) The Chemical Buddha wasn't worried at all. In fact, he would reply, "Like that’s ever going to happen dumb ass." As far as we know, The Chemical Buddha never did experience constant orgasming, although that didn’t keep him from trying every pill and ointment he could buy to make it happen.
What reasons do you use to explain why things happen in your life?
What do you spend your time wishing for?
Do you actually think it'll come true, or do you just wish for the sake of wishing?

Doing Life

"Most men do whoever will do them."
The Chemical Buddha recognized men had primal needs. Where the desire for orgasmic release could become all consuming. (Just so you know, the concept that women liked to get laid too took a little bit for him to get his head around. But he gradually came to accept and appreciate it.) This primal need was one of the biggest obstacles everyone had to over come. Which is why several of his other insights dealt with going ugly early, etc. Because TCB wasn't against the orgasm per say, but more the constant pursuit of a sexual partner. That’s why he promoted the use of hookers, massage parlors offering happy endings and masturbation. TCB thought this allowed for the orgasm to be achieved when wanted and needed. He thought it was important to choose the time, rather than the other way around. (But we're not exactly sure what the hell he meant by that.)
Do you choose how your life goes or do you listen to other people?
Do you think you're powerless over you life or that you have a say?
Is life 'doing you' or are you 'doing life'? (If you're in prison and reading this, your answer may vary depending on your sentence.)

Fuck Off!

"It's impossible to be mad while you're cumming."
The Chemical Buddha coined this little gem of an insight shortly after he got done hate fucking someone. (His journal didn't mention who.) After he achieved orgasm (which wasn’t that difficult of an achievement) he realized this person that he had been aggravated with, he now actually felt feelings of kindness (and yes, maybe even appreciation). This led him to believe that most pissed off people just needed to get laid. If everyone got their rocks off a little more, there'd be less road rage. Unless someone was on their way to get laid. Then they might be more pissed that some dumb ass was going 10 miles below the speed limit. But in general, he saw sex as a way to accomplish world peace. He thought if we could just get all the world leaders to literally fuck each other things would be less fucked. Of course, TCB failed to see that if someone didn't like the sex they got or felt jilted that could cause even more problems. But The Chemical Buddha was nothing if not a dreamer. Especially in the after glow of an orgasm.
What makes you mad?
What make you happy?
Do you spend most of your life mad or happy? How would you prefer to spend it?
If your life isn't as you want, what would you have to do to get it there?

Truth Be Told

"The lotus position is best for achieving spiritual orgasm."
Believe it or not, there once was a spiritual teacher who tried to reach The Chemical Buddha. He obviously knew TCB well enough to know he could get his attention my mentioning the word 'orgasm.' In fact, The Chemical Buddha actually tried this to see if it was true. Except he couldn’t do a full lotus. Not even a half lotus. He did what he called a 1/16 lotus. But nothing happened. Nothing. No spiritual orgasm. Just lots of leg pain and his butt went to sleep. So he assumed the teacher must have meant the lotus position was actually some sort of sexual configuration and dedicated the rest of his life to finding it. If he did, it was a secret he took with him to his grave. If he'd only had the internet, he could have Googled, 'sex in the lotus position' and found the answers he was looking for.
Do you seek the truth or just what you want to hear?
To you, is truth and what you want to hear the same thing?
How often do you tell people your truth?
How often do you tell people what you think they want to hear?

Pussy Control

"Women that are hard to get on are oftentimes hard to get off."
When it came to women, The Chemical Buddha knew even less than the normal male. But one thing he was pretty certain about was this: Women who he had trouble having sex with, usually were hard to bring to orgasm (let's be honest, The Chemical Buddha never brought any woman to orgasm, but he was pretty sure they would be even harder to please). On the other hand, the woman that actually like sex were easier to get breathing heavy. (Again, they never orgasmed, but they weren't against finishing the job themselves. Unlike their prudish counterparts who seemed almost afraid of their own vagina. Hell, if The Chemical Buddha has his own vagina, he would touch it all the time.) And there's no telling what he would have tried to jam into it either. It's probably a good thing women are in charge of all the vaginas.
Do you see your life as under control or out of control?
How do you control situations and your life?
What is the effect of too much control and/or too little control in your life?

I Luuhuv You! On Second Thought.

"Only date people you like after you orgasm."
This insight, when coupled with the writings from March 24th ("Everyone’s in love right before they orgasm.") sum up The Chemical Buddha's philosophy on relationships. Everything is good until the orgasm. Then, it takes a special woman to do anything with afterward. Of course, it took a special woman to even get into bed (or the back seat of the car, or in the bean bag chair, or on top of the table) with TCB in the first place, but that's another story that you will probably never read about in these pages. Although there have been several tell-all phrases/sentences in a couple of blogs about TCB. And while his insight might be cold and a little heartless, I think the lesson of making sure you like someone in every situation is valid. Which is why TCB died a single man.
Are you deliberate in your planning or do you just jump?
How often are you excited when you get something only to have second thoughts?
When you have second thoughts do you believe you can change your mind? Why or why not?

Practice 'Self Love'

“Everyone's in love right before they orgasm.”
The Chemical Buddha never felt more in love then right before he orgasmed. Which led him to wonder if he loved the orgasm or the person who was helping him achieve it? There was no doubt he loved himself. But just because his right hand could bring him to orgasm didn’t mean he loved it any more than his left hand or for that matter, his feet. He also wondered, "What is love anyway?" Is it comfort? Is it familiarity? Is it an earth shaking blowjob? Is it seeing yourself (or someone like you) outside of yourself? Is it some combination of the four with a heavy emphasis on blowjobs followed by projection and comfort? In The Chemical Buddha’s estimation, familiarity, if it applied at all was waaaay down the list. He was familiar with people he hated (or loved less). If anything, familiarity seemed to only lead to farting in front of each other or brushing your teeth while your lover took a stinky shit. And that felt like the opposite of love to him.
What do you love about others?
What do you love about yourself?

Oh Baby!

“Let’s end the debate. I came first.”
The chicken? The egg? The Chemical Buddha didn’t give a fuck about any of that. All The Chemical Buddha knew was he always came first. In fact, he prided himself on finishing first at something. You can be sure he applied this thinking to more than just his orgasms. He thought of himself first in every other area of his life too. (Except when it came time for taking responsibility. Then, he was curiously absent.) His ‘what’s in it for me?’ and ‘me first’ attitude was legendary amongst his contemporaries. We’re pretty sure, if he had a lick of musical or athletic talent he would have made an awesome rock star or professional athlete. Although he did try to form a professional drug league, but that was short lived because everyone was too paranoid to show up and/or lost track of time. So he declared himself the champion.
Where in your life do you put yourself first and what does that cost you?
Where in your life do you put yourself last and what does that cost you?

Come Again

“One in the bush is worth two in the hand.”
No The Chemical Buddha didn’t misquote the old ‘bird in the hand’ cliché. That’s because when he said this he wasn’t talking about birds. Don’t get me wrong, The Chemical Buddha was famous for chasing what he didn’t have. Even when he’d just got done capturing something else he’d been chasing. He always wanted the next thing. In general, he got a lot of satisfaction in the chase. But because he spent most of his time searching, his satisfaction was short lived. He found the secret was to hop from one thing to the next, never settling for too long on any one thing. That kept him happy, if not exhausted.
Are you satisfied with what you have or do you want the next thing?
Do you find this makes you more happy or unhappy?

God is Orgasm. Orgasm is God.

“There is no God. Except for right before orgasm.”
One thing everyone should know is that the Chemical Buddha didn’t believe there was a God. Well, that’s not quite true. There were times he called out for God, but that was usually while he was puking or orgasming. Although he did believe in the divine in each of us, just not that there was some God who cared what he did. Because if such a God existed, TCB should have been struck down by lightning several times over. All of this did lead TCB to make many observations. For example many people cry out for God at the moment of climax. Is that about their beliefs in a higher being or that is just feels so damn good? Which came first, God or the orgasm? And if the orgasm came first did it create God or did God create the orgasm?
What things in your life do you cling to for pleasure or out of desperation?
What would happen if those things were no longer around? What would you do next?

Mr. Happy Time

“There’s one last thing we all get to do for the first time: die.”
The Chemical Buddha slipped into a depression once he realized he had just worked two weeks to pay for a piece of ass. (See January 15th reading.) Now the money (and the piece of ass) was gone and he had to go back to work. The timing of this quote is significant because it represents some of The Chemical Buddha’s first awakenings. This was when he realized that no matter how different we are, we are all born and we all die. The time in between can look very different for all of us but we are all unified in our desire for a really good orgasm. Granted, it took awhile (and copious amounts of drugs) for TCB to understand what he was learning. But his path was starting to reveal itself.
What do you think you have in common with other people?
What do you think separates yourself from other people?
Has your path started to reveal itself? If so, what is it?