"Some speak of a Higher Power. I know there is a Higher Dosage."
As an enlightened being, The Chemical Buddha was often asked his thoughts on the idea of a higher power. Usually, TCB would reply with a question of his own, "Higher than what?" Partially because he was confused how much higher people wanted their power to be. The whole concept of higher power was beyond him. Plus, he figured if such a thing actually existed, he would find out sometime in the future. However, in the here and now, he knew there was such a thing as a higher dosage (which led him to today's teaching). When he was completely wasted, he wondered if there was a relationship between a higher power and a higher dosage. Eventually, he came to know that a higher dosage would lead him to a higher power (if one existed).
How much time do you spend thinking about the here and now?
How much time do you spend thinking about the future?
How does planning for the future keep you from enjoying the here and now?
How does enjoying the here and now keep you from planning for the future?
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Believe it!
"The reason God and religion make sense to us is because we invented them."
The Chemical Buddha thought that the human brain could make the craziest things make sense. In fact, the more far-fetched it seemed the more people seemed to believe it. For whatever reason, people seemed to think that was much easier than accepting the simple truth. He was sure it was because people didn't want to accept the truth or because to think that this was all there was would depress the hell out of them. TCB knew that if he thought too long on it, he would get a sinking feeling in his stomach which he would fill with alcohol and Twinkies. Or, better yet, alcohol filled Twinkies.
What are your core beliefs?
How did you form them? Were they things you thought up or did you adopt the beliefs of others?
What do you believe to be true? And is it true or do you just believe it to be true?
The Chemical Buddha thought that the human brain could make the craziest things make sense. In fact, the more far-fetched it seemed the more people seemed to believe it. For whatever reason, people seemed to think that was much easier than accepting the simple truth. He was sure it was because people didn't want to accept the truth or because to think that this was all there was would depress the hell out of them. TCB knew that if he thought too long on it, he would get a sinking feeling in his stomach which he would fill with alcohol and Twinkies. Or, better yet, alcohol filled Twinkies.
What are your core beliefs?
How did you form them? Were they things you thought up or did you adopt the beliefs of others?
What do you believe to be true? And is it true or do you just believe it to be true?
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
God = Dog
"I appreciate any religion that uses drugs during its ceremonies."
One of the things that The Chemical Buddha appreciated about most major religions is they all had some way for people to get fucked up/feel different. (He would have said all religions, but quite frankly he wasn't very familiar with Buddhism, let alone any other religion.) TCB found it funny that for humans to have a 'spiritual' experience, they had to feel different than human. This made him wonder if animals (since they weren't human) felt a spiritual connection we didn't. Then he noticed that dog was god spelled backwards. Coincidence? He didn't think so. Which is why he always prayed to dog god.
Do you believe in only what you see or do you think there is more?
What is your relationship to the people and things around you?
Do you look at the world with a sense of awe and appreciation or as something to be navigated through?
One of the things that The Chemical Buddha appreciated about most major religions is they all had some way for people to get fucked up/feel different. (He would have said all religions, but quite frankly he wasn't very familiar with Buddhism, let alone any other religion.) TCB found it funny that for humans to have a 'spiritual' experience, they had to feel different than human. This made him wonder if animals (since they weren't human) felt a spiritual connection we didn't. Then he noticed that dog was god spelled backwards. Coincidence? He didn't think so. Which is why he always prayed to dog god.
Do you believe in only what you see or do you think there is more?
What is your relationship to the people and things around you?
Do you look at the world with a sense of awe and appreciation or as something to be navigated through?
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Oh Chemical Buddha, I'm Coming!
“What do atheists say when they orgasm?”
Typically, when God fearing people do something that feels really, really good (or get the shit scared out of them) they usually moan, scream or gasp out one word: God. But The Chemical Buddha wondered if atheists non-belief in God applied to those moments too. Did they say God or did they say something else? And if they didn’t say God, could he get them to scream out Chemical Buddha instead? (For some reason, the thought of people in bedrooms everywhere calling out his name appealed to The Chemical Buddha. We can attest that no one ever called out TCB’s name while he was in bed with them. They were most likely to just gasp, ‘Oh God, what have I done?’) Eventually, The Chemical Buddha heard from a friend who, unlike TCB, was actually able to bring an atheist to orgasm, that atheists apparently say ‘yes’, ‘oh yeah’ and even, heaven forbid, ‘God’.
Do you think you’re too different for other people to understand? If so, how does thinking you’re different keep you in your own little world?
What would you have to accept about yourself in order to be understood/accepted by other people?
Typically, when God fearing people do something that feels really, really good (or get the shit scared out of them) they usually moan, scream or gasp out one word: God. But The Chemical Buddha wondered if atheists non-belief in God applied to those moments too. Did they say God or did they say something else? And if they didn’t say God, could he get them to scream out Chemical Buddha instead? (For some reason, the thought of people in bedrooms everywhere calling out his name appealed to The Chemical Buddha. We can attest that no one ever called out TCB’s name while he was in bed with them. They were most likely to just gasp, ‘Oh God, what have I done?’) Eventually, The Chemical Buddha heard from a friend who, unlike TCB, was actually able to bring an atheist to orgasm, that atheists apparently say ‘yes’, ‘oh yeah’ and even, heaven forbid, ‘God’.
Do you think you’re too different for other people to understand? If so, how does thinking you’re different keep you in your own little world?
What would you have to accept about yourself in order to be understood/accepted by other people?
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
This God's For You
“I chose the King of Beers over the King of Kings.”
There are a few theories on why The Chemical Buddha choose the King of Beers over the King of Kings. Some say it was the buzzing quality beer gave him or the fact he could buy it practically everywhere. The fact that the King of Beers always gave back in ways that was tangible. Or how, when he felt his ‘faith’ wavering, he could quickly shotgun a few and be right back in the fold. Plus he could buy hats, key rings, lights, etc. and his King sponsored major sporting events. And he could tour the brewery and see the King of Beers being made. We’re sure these factors all played a significant role in his decision making process. But probably the most important factor was The King of Kings promised everlasting salvation … after death. The King of Beers provided for an everlasting party … right now. Was there ever a time TCB regretted his choice? Maybe in the wee hours when he was puking his guts up. Because it was during those times he invoked the other king’s name.
When things look their bleakest, what do you fall back on to help you?
Do you believe once a choice is made, there is no going back? Or do you think you can change your mind? Why or why not? And what is the impact of that on your life?
There are a few theories on why The Chemical Buddha choose the King of Beers over the King of Kings. Some say it was the buzzing quality beer gave him or the fact he could buy it practically everywhere. The fact that the King of Beers always gave back in ways that was tangible. Or how, when he felt his ‘faith’ wavering, he could quickly shotgun a few and be right back in the fold. Plus he could buy hats, key rings, lights, etc. and his King sponsored major sporting events. And he could tour the brewery and see the King of Beers being made. We’re sure these factors all played a significant role in his decision making process. But probably the most important factor was The King of Kings promised everlasting salvation … after death. The King of Beers provided for an everlasting party … right now. Was there ever a time TCB regretted his choice? Maybe in the wee hours when he was puking his guts up. Because it was during those times he invoked the other king’s name.
When things look their bleakest, what do you fall back on to help you?
Do you believe once a choice is made, there is no going back? Or do you think you can change your mind? Why or why not? And what is the impact of that on your life?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
God is my Sugar Daddy
“God wants me to be rich.”
When The Chemical Buddha looked around, he figured God liked some people more than others. Because how else could you explain all the God fearing people who made their money off the backs of others? As far as TCB knew (he wasn’t anything close to a biblical scholar but he did take several Bibles from motel rooms to use as rolling papers) the Bible didn’t mention anything about the virtues of material wealth. In fact, it seemed like all the rich people in the Bible were punished. He figured God must have changed his mind on that one when he saw that when the rich tithed 10% he got some plush houses of worship. So, although he didn’t believe in God, he starting praying God would make him rich.
Do you think God wants and doesn’t want you to have certain things? If so, what?
If you don’t control your own destiny, who do you think does? If you control it, what do you need to do to get what you want?
When The Chemical Buddha looked around, he figured God liked some people more than others. Because how else could you explain all the God fearing people who made their money off the backs of others? As far as TCB knew (he wasn’t anything close to a biblical scholar but he did take several Bibles from motel rooms to use as rolling papers) the Bible didn’t mention anything about the virtues of material wealth. In fact, it seemed like all the rich people in the Bible were punished. He figured God must have changed his mind on that one when he saw that when the rich tithed 10% he got some plush houses of worship. So, although he didn’t believe in God, he starting praying God would make him rich.
Do you think God wants and doesn’t want you to have certain things? If so, what?
If you don’t control your own destiny, who do you think does? If you control it, what do you need to do to get what you want?
Saturday, January 17, 2009
God is Orgasm. Orgasm is God.
“There is no God. Except for right before orgasm.”
One thing everyone should know is that the Chemical Buddha didn’t believe there was a God. Well, that’s not quite true. There were times he called out for God, but that was usually while he was puking or orgasming. Although he did believe in the divine in each of us, just not that there was some God who cared what he did. Because if such a God existed, TCB should have been struck down by lightning several times over. All of this did lead TCB to make many observations. For example many people cry out for God at the moment of climax. Is that about their beliefs in a higher being or that is just feels so damn good? Which came first, God or the orgasm? And if the orgasm came first did it create God or did God create the orgasm?
What things in your life do you cling to for pleasure or out of desperation?
What would happen if those things were no longer around? What would you do next?
One thing everyone should know is that the Chemical Buddha didn’t believe there was a God. Well, that’s not quite true. There were times he called out for God, but that was usually while he was puking or orgasming. Although he did believe in the divine in each of us, just not that there was some God who cared what he did. Because if such a God existed, TCB should have been struck down by lightning several times over. All of this did lead TCB to make many observations. For example many people cry out for God at the moment of climax. Is that about their beliefs in a higher being or that is just feels so damn good? Which came first, God or the orgasm? And if the orgasm came first did it create God or did God create the orgasm?
What things in your life do you cling to for pleasure or out of desperation?
What would happen if those things were no longer around? What would you do next?
Monday, January 5, 2009
Spiritual Date
“Wine me. Dine me. 69 me.”
Every spiritual leader instructs their followers on how to access spirit, the one or God. It’s usually vague things like “release attachments,” “move in grace” Or “pray”. The Chemical Buddha had a very specific three-step process to accessing spirit (or, at least accessing his “spirit” as he sometimes liked to call it.) He also referred to it as his prescription for a perfect night of oneness. To those who hesitated at picking up the check (or burying their face in his crotch) he would look in their general direction and ask, “The true question is are you willing to do the steps necessary to get to your goal?”
What will you do to reach your goals?
Do you prefer being told what to do or do you like finding your own way? How is that working out? What do you need to do differently?
Every spiritual leader instructs their followers on how to access spirit, the one or God. It’s usually vague things like “release attachments,” “move in grace” Or “pray”. The Chemical Buddha had a very specific three-step process to accessing spirit (or, at least accessing his “spirit” as he sometimes liked to call it.) He also referred to it as his prescription for a perfect night of oneness. To those who hesitated at picking up the check (or burying their face in his crotch) he would look in their general direction and ask, “The true question is are you willing to do the steps necessary to get to your goal?”
What will you do to reach your goals?
Do you prefer being told what to do or do you like finding your own way? How is that working out? What do you need to do differently?
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Know It All
"I'm Eggnogstic."
The Chemical Buddha was often asked if he believed in God or the virgin birth of Jesus. Since, he was an enlightened one, he wanted to have an answer. So he would reply, "There is much you don't know." He thought that seemed like a solid answer and didn't commit him to anything. Besides, he'd hear that those who didn't know were called eggnogstic. Which he thought was weird, but made since to him because people always talked about God and Jesus around the prime eggnog serving season of Christmas. Personally, he loved eggnog for the rum. Little did he realize, that he had coined a new term and real agnostics thought he was making fun of them. One time, he expressed his shock at seeing an agnostic drinking eggnog by saying, "I thought you were eggnostic." After which he was beaten about the head and shoulders with a plastic nativity scene baby Jesus. He was able to appreciate the irony.
What do you think you know?
How has thinking you know, rather than actually knowing, created misunderstandings in your life?
The Chemical Buddha was often asked if he believed in God or the virgin birth of Jesus. Since, he was an enlightened one, he wanted to have an answer. So he would reply, "There is much you don't know." He thought that seemed like a solid answer and didn't commit him to anything. Besides, he'd hear that those who didn't know were called eggnogstic. Which he thought was weird, but made since to him because people always talked about God and Jesus around the prime eggnog serving season of Christmas. Personally, he loved eggnog for the rum. Little did he realize, that he had coined a new term and real agnostics thought he was making fun of them. One time, he expressed his shock at seeing an agnostic drinking eggnog by saying, "I thought you were eggnostic." After which he was beaten about the head and shoulders with a plastic nativity scene baby Jesus. He was able to appreciate the irony.
What do you think you know?
How has thinking you know, rather than actually knowing, created misunderstandings in your life?
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