Putting the High in Hiatus

It's finished. There is now a Medicated Meditation for every day of the year (excluding Leap Year). So all of the 'monks' are going to take a break and rest up. This proved to be a bigger strain on our brains than we anticipated. But look for a book containing all of The Chemical Buddha's Daily Meditations in the next 10 years. Also, we've 'uncovered' more of TCB's daily insights and will post them as we feel like it.

Fucking Ugly

"No one looks good while they're cumming."
After watching countless hours of porn, The Chemical Buddha noticed that people made the strangest faces when they were supposedly enjoying themselves the most. First, he thought this pointed to how closely related pleasure and pain were. Second, he assumed that he was the exception to the 'ugly orgasm face'. In fact, he was so sure, he videotaped himself masturbating to see what his face looked like. (Just so you know, few people wanted to have sex with TCB, let alone be filmed doing it.) Since we can find no recorded evidence of his 'alone time' we assume he too was a victim of 'ugly orgasm face'.
What things do you say you'd be 'happy' to do when you're really not?
How often do you do stuff you don't want to do?
How often do you actually do the stuff that you enjoy doing?

Let's Move

"If you want to move the world, drink until you have bed spins."
People join various philanthropic organizations because they want to effect the world in some way. The Chemical Buddha himself started his movement to bring people into the consciousness of being unconscious. When his followers would ask him about his impact (and their's) they could have on the world, he responded with today's insight. Like Gandhi, he believed change started with the individual. But because it was hard to literally move the world by yourself, he suggested bed spins because that was a hell of a lot easier. The next step was to fill your bed with other people who have the spins and so on and so on. That was the way to move the world.
What impact do you have on your friends and family? Is it positive or negative?
What one thing would you like to see the world embrace/move toward?
What one thing could you do to help see that come about?

Change Me!

"If you want to change your world, take some acid."
The Chemical Buddha was in favor of changing the world and actually set out to do that. But after almost a half hour, he gave up. It was waaaay too hard. So he decided to change how he saw the world. Buddha and Aristotle talked about how the world is merely what we see. Reality itself may or may not be as we actually see it. TCB found nothing changed how he saw the world better than hallucinogenics. They totally changed what he saw, heard, smelled and tasted. In fact, he had trouble deciding what world was actually real. If changing some minor chemicals in his brain could have that kind of impact, what might huge changes actually do to the world around him? He set out to discover what would happen. We believe he ultimately found that the world changed so much he had to leave it.
How do you deal with change? Do you embrace it or resist it?
How have your feelings about your past changed as you’ve gotten older?
How have your views of the world changed?

Here's Hoping

"While a man believes he's going to get laid, the woman actually knows."
The Chemical Buddha found a lot of fertile ground comparing perception with reality. However, this discovery was one of his least favorites. Before he gained awareness of today's insight, he thought he actually had some sway over whether or not he got laid. The reality was far from the truth. Well, that's not completely right. Because it was possible for him to do things that would prevent him from getting laid, everything from an eye roll to a silent fart three rooms away from his partner. But he couldn't do anything to ensure he got laid. That was completely up to the woman. As a result, TCB started to wish he would come back as a woman so he could get laid more often.
What do you know and what do you believe?
How have those two things changed as you've gotten older?
How much control do you think you have over your life? How much do you really have?

Thinking of You Thinking of Me

"Of course I only think of myself. No one else is going to."
The Chemical Buddha realized everyone was self-centered. He believed very few people truly acted for the benefit of others. He thought if someone did a kind act for another it was so they could be praised or appreciated by the other person. Or that person would return their kind act with another. This is part of the reason why TCB never did anything for anyone else. That way people thought of him more (mainly that he was an asshole) and he didn't have to do anything to get them to do it. He saw it as the perfect win-win.
How often do you think of others?
How often do you think of yourself?
How often do you think other people think of you?
What do you get out of doing things for other people?

Get Drunk. Stay Drunk.

"You'll never have a hangover if you don't sober up."
Buddhists see life as suffering and meditation as a way to relieve/release suffering. As you might expect, The Chemical Buddha's approach was different. He was in favor of avoiding any and all pain as often as possible. He taught that emotional, physical and spiritual pain could all be avoided indefinitely with the right cocktail of chemicals. Of course, there are other physical costs. Not to mention the eventual tolerance to anything you're taking, and the withdrawals and cravings. But to The Chemical Buddha that just meant the student hadn't reached enlightenment yet. He always did have an answer for everything.
What causes you pain in your life?
What do you do to avoid it?
How does avoiding it work? Does it make the pain go away?

Dick for Brains

"I'm unable to think farther ahead than the tip of my dick."
The Chemical Buddha wasn't much of a planner. He claimed that was because it would require him to leave the now and actually think ahead. We think it was a convenient excuse to forget birthdays, holidays, dinner plans, or the need to lift the toilet seat before he pissed. Because anyone that spent anytime around him knew he thought ahead a little bit. Or at least as far ahead as his dick would reach. And believe us, that wasn't very far. How he was able to reconcile this version of thinking ahead while claiming to be in the now was truly an amazing feat. He usually justified it by saying "I'm horny now so I'm trying to find who I can fuck now. And I will make choices based on who I think will let me fuck them in the future." This thinking got The Chemical Buddha to adopt fads, buy shit he didn’t need and cancel whole evenings thinking he would get laid. Which didn't work.
Do you plan or let things happen? What is the result of that in your life?
Would you be better served to plan more or less?
What do you like and dislike about planning?

Let's Cook

"Give a man some meth and he gets high for a day. Send a man to jail and he comes out with 5 ways to cook his own."
The Chemical Buddha was never a fan of punishment. And by punishment we mean being locked up. (Especially when it was him who was being punished. Unless he was being spanked, because he sort of liked being spanked.) It seemed to him putting a bunch of criminals together was the perfect way for them to learn new ways to commit more and different crimes. To TCB jail was sort of a crime college where someone could go and come out with a much better education. Just like real colleges, organization, trade groups and circle of friends. Who you hang out with determines what kind of person you’ll become. At least for the foreseeable future.
What kind of friends do you surround yourself with?
Friends who teach you new things to better yourself?
Or friends who don’t want you to learn new things and grow?

Three is a Magic Number

"To some three is a crowd. To me, it’s a threesome."
To numerologist three is the number of a relationship. There is me, you and, the third, us. To the Chemical Buddha, three was the minimum needed to have a good time. He would also agree that it was the number of a relationship as in the number to have in a relationship. The most sacred version of the number three being two females and The Chemical Buddha. Of course, there was no way TCB could come close to satisfying one woman, let alone two women. But he always hoped they would please each other and he could watch as he drifted off to sleep.
Have you ever prejudged your potential partner? What was the impact? Did they surprise you or live up (or down) to your expectations?
What are the minimum things you require in a relationship?
What are the little extras you can bring to make your relationships last?

High Enough for Ya?

"Some speak of a Higher Power. I know there is a Higher Dosage."
As an enlightened being, The Chemical Buddha was often asked his thoughts on the idea of a higher power. Usually, TCB would reply with a question of his own, "Higher than what?" Partially because he was confused how much higher people wanted their power to be. The whole concept of higher power was beyond him. Plus, he figured if such a thing actually existed, he would find out sometime in the future. However, in the here and now, he knew there was such a thing as a higher dosage (which led him to today's teaching). When he was completely wasted, he wondered if there was a relationship between a higher power and a higher dosage. Eventually, he came to know that a higher dosage would lead him to a higher power (if one existed).
How much time do you spend thinking about the here and now?
How much time do you spend thinking about the future?
How does planning for the future keep you from enjoying the here and now?
How does enjoying the here and now keep you from planning for the future?

Think Shallow

"I'm a deep thinker of shallow thoughts."
Today's insight is to combat those who said The Chemical Buddha wasn't a deep thinker. Because TCB saw himself as someone who thought deep thoughts about very superficial things. He was, after all, a product of the culture in which he grew up. One that prized celebrity over cause. One that thought the newest thing Detroit pooped out was more important than any social or economic issues of the day. So was it so unfathomable that he might spend waaaay too much time thinking about sex, drugs and food? If he were here, he would say, "No," because all things are related. Even those trivial things. What's important is bringing them all out into the light and then deciding what to do from there.
What do you spend your time thinking about?
How might you distract yourself from the bigger issues in your life?
How do you justify the life you're living?

Soul Fire

"While the fire within may burn brightly, a match works better for lighting a one-hitter."
Central to The Chemical Buddha's belief system was the thought that we were all enlightened. Most of us just needed some outside help. (Or just needed to ingest some outside help.) While TCB was often criticized for not following the teachings learned over thousands of years of meditative practice, nothing could be further from the truth. He just thought he could add his own twist to boost everyone's consciousness. He saw his charge as evolving meditation and Buddhism. Since the beginning of time everything has changed. His brand of Bud-dhism seemed like the next step combining what Buddha started 2,500 years ago that the hippies tweaked in the late 1960s. If he got laid and was able to cash in along the way, all the better.
How have you changed during your life?
How have you stayed the same?
Are you the person you want to be?
What needs to change in your life to become that person?

Holiest of Holies

"The only holy site I'm interested in visiting is between your legs."
The way The Chemical Buddha saw it, the religious oppression of women was doing the exact opposite of what it should be doing. Not that TCB had any problem with people who weren't attracted to women, pussy was just something that interested him a lot more than cock. And when TCB thought about today's insight, everyone had holes. But we digress. The Chemical Buddha thought his own brand of holy sites was way more important than some old building, rock or mound. His 'holy' sites were the source of pleasure and life. In every picture TCB saw of people at a 'holy' site no one seemed to be having fun or even smiling. That seemed fucked up to him. Plus, The Chemical Buddha's spiritual system had way more holy sites than every other religion (over 3 billion at last count). And he was interested in visiting every single one of them. Sadly, at the time of this death, TCB had only visited 13 holy sites and that was for only a few brief seconds.
What is you concept of religion/spirituality?
What do you agree with and what do you disagree with?
In the perfect world, what would your personal spiritual practice look like?
How would living that way change your life?

Love Drug

"Love is like getting high: intense, short lived and you always want more the next time."
The Chemical Buddha rarely felt anything as intoxicating as the first moment of love. Sure, there was the instant of penetration (which he loved and was unlike anything else he'd ever experienced) but that high of being around someone he loved was unmatched. Wanting to touch them. Hold them. Hear their voice. Of course, with TCB's incredibly addictive personality, the rush of love only lasted for approximate 12 minutes and 42 seconds. Then he was off to something else. He basically had the attention span of a cat in room a filled with shiny Christmas ornaments, birds, and open paper bags. Eventually, The Chemical Buddha built up such a tolerance to love, we're not sure if he was capable of feeling it later in life.
How often are you satisfied in your life?
How long do you stay satisfied?
What are the things you love about your life right now?
What things would you change?

Lie to Me

"If someone cares enough about me to fake their orgasm, I'm OK with that."
Men that The Chemical Buddha knew spent their early sexual lives worrying if they were satisfying their partners. And then worked hard to figure out what it would take to make them happy in bed. It's well documented that TCB didn't share their concerns. He didn't wonder if his lover's orgasm was 'real' or not. There was so much more to worry about. Like his own orgasm. And when it came right down to it, if someone cared enough to not hurt his feelings by pretending they felt something (anything) then that to him was the sincerest from of love possible. Because only those that truly loved him would be concerned about his pleasure and his feelings.
Do you lie to avoid hurting people's feelings?
How do you feel when people are critical of you? Would you rather have the truth or feel good about yourself (assuming both aren't always possible)?

Do You See What I See?

"The brain sees only what it recognizes. Which is why you look like a vagina smoking a joint to me."
For millennia various philosophers and religions have talked about how the world around us is merely an illusion. How we don't really see what's happening around us. The sages, mystics, and shamans have said our concept of reality has very little to do with what's really there. This is a concept The Chemical Buddha heavily bought into. In fact, he took it further and twisted reality into what he wanted it to be. Some called it living in his own fantasy world. He called it reality substitution. And who was to say his version of what was happening was any better or worse than what other people saw or believed?
Why do you believe what you believe?
How do you cope when things aren't as you want them to be?
Does your version of reality align with other peoples' versions?
If your version is different, how does that help and hurt you and your relationships.

Bliss This

"Bliss has many forms: smokeable, injectable, drinkable, edible, and fuckable."
Like Joseph Campbell, The Chemical Buddha was a big believer in doing what (and who) made you happy. Luckily for TCB, there were a lot of things that made him happy, so he didn't need to limit himself to one form of bliss. He attributed his happiness and longevity, such that it was, to his vast menu of things he liked. However, unlike Mr. Campbell, The Chemical Buddha was perfectly OK with his bliss coming at the expense of others. In his mind, his selfishness (or bliss bogarting) would spur people to get fed up with being taken advantage of and eventually find their own form of bliss to follow.
What makes you happy?
What are you willing to do to be happy?
Are you willing to potentially be miserable in the short-term if it means you'll have long-term happiness?

More Questions

"The real existential question is, 'what's for dinner?'"
As a Buddha, The Chemical Buddha was often asked about the meaning of life, what came after this life, what death was like, etc. But to TCB, none of these questions were all that important. That's because, for most of us, we didn't really need to know the answer right now. And even if we did, we'd all get to find out what the answer was soon enough. No. To The Chemical Buddha, the question that needed answering the most was about what he was going to eat next and who he was going to fuck next. Those covered his more immediate needs. Why worry about death when you might not eat or get laid again?
What big, esoteric questions do you try to answer?
Do you think getting the answer will help, or are you just distracting yourself from your more immediate needs?
What in your life feeds you and your soul?

More Than I can Handle

"If given the choice, I’d rather get more sex than I want, then less."
To The Chemical Buddha, life was about choices. Of course, this all fell apart when it came to sex. Because then he had to find someone to choose to have sex with him at the same time. And more often then not, they choose to not have sex with him. This led to TCB's world view that it's always better to be offered more than you want than to be left wanting. So whenever possible, The Chemical Buddha would work to ensure he was at least offered something. Be it plastic shopping bags, Styrofoam peanuts, twist ties, empty beer cans, or punches to the face. He was happy as long as people were offering him more than he wanted.
What do you not get enough of?
What do you get too much of?
How might you better balance the two? How often do you ask for what you want?