Mom!

“Let's put the mother back in motherfucker.”
As a ‘spiritual’ advisor, The Chemical Buddha heard a number of men complain about their lack of sexual satisfaction when their relationship with their wives produced a child. To be fair, he heard the same complaints from women about their husbands, but that one he usually took upon himself to help resolve. It was out of this that TCB came up with the above insight. Advising the men to adopt a new way of thinking about their wives and to the women, he would just say it as he undid his robes and started the search for little TCB. The Chemical Buddha believed this insight pointed to a couple of things. One, how often we (and by ‘we’ he meant the culture at large) used a word like motherfucker without actually thinking about what the word meant. And two, how concepts created by our minds created blocks within our minds. If a man was a motherfucker did that mean he fucked his mother or the mother of his children? TCB, didn’t really care as long as he came.
How do you limit yourself with labels and concepts your mind creates?
How often do you pay attention to the words that come out of your mouth?

Come In

“We often come for different reasons than we leave.”
The Chemical Buddha believed life was a lot like sex. And more than sex eventually leading to the creation of life. He thought the reasons we were born were usually different from the reasons we die. For instance, TCB was born to spread the enlightenment through pharmaceuticals gospel and enlighten people to a bigger world. (At the time of this insight, he had no idea how he would leave this earthly plain, and it turns out he left it doing the things he was born to do. But we’re sure this is just the exception that proves the rule.) Just like the reasons we have sex with a person (to come) is different then the reason we leave (she’s sobering up, her husband came home, etc.)
Why are you here?
What are the things in life that cause you to leave and/or give up?

Yes, TV Loves Me. The Bible Tells Me So.

“When in doubt, blame your family of origin.”
The Chemical Buddha’s family of origin was filled with creative, successful people who managed to have a connection with each other and themselves. Although they had addictions and problems in their lives, they always managed to overcome them and have a generally optimistic view about life. So how could TCB compete with that? It was their fault he couldn’t form close bonds with others unless he was unbelievably high. Their fault he couldn’t hold down a job. Their fault he had trouble with personal hygiene. Or, at least that’s what he thought after watching lots of late night Jerry Springer. TV always had what The Chemical Buddha needed to feel good about himself. It always showed him there were people more fucked up then him out there in the world.
How do you think you got to where you are now?
What changes would you make, if any?

Value less

“Life is both precious and worthless.”
The Chemical Buddha saw both the value and valuelessness of life as true. When it was his life, it was the most important thing in the world. (Although he might have treated his body like it was anything but replaceable. Of course, when you believe in reincarnation, why would you need to take care of this body anyway, when you’ll just get another.) But when it came to the lives of others, if they weren’t doing something for him, he could care less about their lives and what they were (or were not) doing with it. The Chemical Buddha saw himself as a spiritual general whose life must be preserved at all costs. And he didn’t care how many privates he needed to send out to be killed in order to accomplish that.
What do you value about others? How do you treat what you value?
What do you value about yourself? How do you treat what you value?

Fantasy Land

“Don’t spoil my fantasy with your reality.”
The Chemical Buddha lived in his own little fantasy world. Part of this is attributed to his powerful mind that could bend any fact and situation to fit his needs. Add to that his ability to justify his actions (which bordered on something like a super power) and the various chemical combinations he had coursing through his bloodstream at any given moment and you'd have a fantastic mix. So it’s probably easy to understand why TCB often disagreed with people on what was actually going on at any moment in time. But The Chemical Buddha firmly believed that no two people saw reality the same way because it was all subjective and based on one’s perspective. So he figured if we already weren’t going to agree on our shared reality, why not live in the version of reality he wanted to live in? All the great mystics and dead heads have done it for generations, so it seemed good enough for him.
What is your ultimate fantasy life?
Is there a way for you to make your reality more like you fantasy or do you think the two can never meet?

Who Do You Love?

“All women marry for love. Just sometimes it’s for the love of money.”
The Chemical Buddha was all for love. (Not necessarily for marriage, but he loved love.) This insight arose when he was trying to figure out what younger women see in older men. It surely wasn’t a physical attraction thing because who would want some saggy old dude sweating over, under or behind them? In his mind, he imagined when they said , ‘I love you.’ they left off the ‘r money.’ Of course, if TCB could have found a blind, deaf, rich woman with no sense of smell he totally would have married her. No matter what she looked like. But he didn’t know how to contact those women since they couldn’t read or hear personal ads.
Have you ever been friends with someone just to use something they have? If so, how do you feel about it?
Have you ever had someone use you to get something they wanted? If so, how do you feel about it?

Question Nothing

“Organized religion is like a spiritual comb-over. Just do what everyone else does and you’ll still look spiritual.”
The Chemical Buddha loved all forms of religious dogma and tried to incorporate as much of it as possible into his enlightenment through pharmaceuticals movement. Just for the record, he saw dogma as doing things without understanding the reasons for doing them. He counted on people being cattle like that and not questioning the concepts he put forward. And, for the most part, it worked. People were happy to share their money, drugs, and significant others with TCB. Especially when he countered any of their arguments that pain was a great teacher and the human condition was suffering. So by dialing up his students suffering he was speeding up their learning and cutting down the time it would take them to reach enlightenment. But to be honest, he didn’t have to give the reasons behind his teachings very often.
What do you do without thinking about the reasons behind it?
What do you do in your life that causes you pain?

Practice 'Self Love'

“Everyone's in love right before they orgasm.”
The Chemical Buddha never felt more in love then right before he orgasmed. Which led him to wonder if he loved the orgasm or the person who was helping him achieve it? There was no doubt he loved himself. But just because his right hand could bring him to orgasm didn’t mean he loved it any more than his left hand or for that matter, his feet. He also wondered, "What is love anyway?" Is it comfort? Is it familiarity? Is it an earth shaking blowjob? Is it seeing yourself (or someone like you) outside of yourself? Is it some combination of the four with a heavy emphasis on blowjobs followed by projection and comfort? In The Chemical Buddha’s estimation, familiarity, if it applied at all was waaaay down the list. He was familiar with people he hated (or loved less). If anything, familiarity seemed to only lead to farting in front of each other or brushing your teeth while your lover took a stinky shit. And that felt like the opposite of love to him.
What do you love about others?
What do you love about yourself?

Quittin' Time

“Bill W. was a quitter.”
Unlike Bill W. of Alcoholics Anonymous fame, we’re not sure if The Chemical Buddha ever quit anything. He just tended to pile more things onto his plate. Of course, he was fired a lot and countless numbers of people walked out on him, but he didn’t quit. There were also a lot of things he never started. But then, he never had any intention of starting those things either. But TCB did finish a lot of things. So he saw himself as more of a finisher. He liked how finishing stuff didn’t mean you were a quitter. Which made him wonder if you started something. Finished it. But didn’t start another were you a quitter? For example, what if you drank a case of beer and never drank another one? Not that The Chemical Buddha would ever limit himself to just one case of beer, but what if?
What do you have trouble finishing and why?
What things on your ‘to do’ list need to be started and when will you get to them?

If I can Make it There...

“The thing I like about New York City is even the married people are single.”
The Chemical Buddha loved New York City because he could get anything delivered right to his door. And he never worried about offending a married person by hitting on them or suggesting they go back to his place with some 40 weight motor oil and a box of Saran Wrap. New Yorkers were always looking for something new and kinky to try. His frequent trips to New York forced TCB to get creative and expand his way of thinking. It was in the loving embrace of this city of 8 million that he learned how to take his kink to new levels of debauchery. He often went there to sit at the feet of the various masters he found in NYC’s S&M dungeons, back alleys, swinger clubs and street corners. Afterwards, a refreshed and inspired TCB took his new ideas back home and spread his rubber-clad gospel.
What inspires you?
Who do you inspire?

Just Do Me

“Life is just the stuff, and people, you do before you die.”
People would always ask The Chemical Buddha what life was about. Why were we here? What was the meaning to life? TCB invested several joints and cases of beer trying to figure this question out. After several sleepless nights, he realized the answer to the question was very simple and said today’s insight. The Chemical Buddha went on to explain that he thought people were the ones who took simple things and made them complex. And adding complexity to any situation was the easiest thing in the world to do. All you had to do was pile more shit on. Keeping things simple was the hardest thing to do because that meant letting go of beliefs and thoughts to get down to the essence of any situation.
What types of situations do you make more complex than they need to be?
What would have to change for you to keep things simple?

Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

“I used to smoke a lot of pot, until I tried meth.”
The Chemical Buddha was a man of many addictions and contradictions. We found he obsessed on all sorts of things until he found something else to distract him. And this process was repeated ad nauseam. This insight comes from the smoking phase of TCB’s life. Which, truth be told, he never really left because if he could fit it in a bong or a glass pipe, he smoked it. He found couch cushions provided the weirdest buzz. What today’s insight speaks to most is The Chemical Buddha’s lack of commitment to anything. His inability to fully invest himself in something outside of his selfish pursuits. Although he did fully invest in himself and loved himself without question.
What’s the longest commitment you’ve ever made in your life?
What keeps you from fully committing to more in your life?

We're Not Talking About Deordorant

“Every saint has a secret.”
The Chemical Buddha loved everyone. He just loved some people less than others. One such group was the hypocritical, holier than thou crowd. People who acted like they were perfect. Like they didn’t have any problems. What TCB discovered is that everyone had a secret. Something from their past they’re not proud of. Even The Chemical Buddha had some things from his past he’d rather people not know about. For instance, toward the end of his life, The Chemical Buddha doubted whether or not he was enlightened. He also worried that people would just think he’d ripped off the Buddha’s thinking and insights. And to be honest, after his passing, we did find a ‘Teachings of the Buddha’ book in his room with certain passages circled. We’re sure that’s just a coincidence though.
Who don’t you like and what is it about them you don’t like?
In what ways are you like the people you don’t like?

Technicolor Yawn

“Waking up in your own puke gives you a different perspective.”
After one night of historically heavy drinking, The Chemical Buddha spent the rest of the night throwing up all over everything and everyone. (Not that he remembered any of it.) When he awoke, his mouth tasted like a zoo full of monkeys took a shit in it. And it smelled like it too. The Chemical Buddha claimed waking up in his own puke was a necessary step on his path. First, he realized eating was a waste of time. It killed his buzz and he’d just end up puking it up. So he stopped eating. Second, smoking pot didn’t make him puke but gave him the same feeling. From this point forward, he decided to only drink alcohol when he ran out of pot or couldn’t afford it.
What are some life changing events you’ve gone through?
How and why did it change how you lived?

Hope in a Bottle

“I drink to make other people interesting.”
One of the things The Chemical Buddha didn’t like about going to bars was all the lame people there. People who complained about their jobs. Their relationships. Their lives. If you'd asked TCB why he drank, he would say it was to have fun, not to be bummed out. However, he found drinking helped make these people more tolerable (and more interesting). He also found drinking made them a lot more attractive and oftentimes elevated his own opinion of himself. But those were just happy byproducts of his being really drunk. TCB found this theory applied outside of bars too. Work was more tolerable; the messiness of his house was easier to deal with. Life was better when he had his glow on.
How do you deal with people and situations you don’t like?
How do you think people who don’t like you, deal with you?

Multiple Choice or Essay?

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.”
The Chemical Buddha assumed when people asked him questions they wanted answers. So he was surprised people would get upset when he answered honestly. For instance, if someone asked, ‘do you love me?’ and he said, ‘no,’ he couldn’t understand why they would cry or get mad. Of course, if TCB asked someone if they wanted to fuck and they said ‘no’ he would cry or get mad and pout. Neither of which seemed to work at all. But from this hard won knowledge, The Chemical Buddha would encourage people to make statements instead of ask questions. As an example, instead of asking, ‘do you love me?’ say ‘you love me.’ Instead of asking ‘do you want to fuck?’ say ‘let’s fuck.’
What questions do you really not want to have answered?
Can anyone but you answer the questions you most want answered? If not you, who can answer them?

Wear White?

“Patience is a virgin.”
Patience is a virtue? Really? Says who? If The Chemical Buddha had been patient he would have never have spent those 3 wonderful seconds losing his virginity when he was 12-years-old. TCB was all about seizing the moment. When food was put out, his favorite thing to say was ‘waiting on you like one hog waits on another.’ The Chemical Buddha noticed that there were people who waited until the conditions were just perfect. But those people usually spent a lot time waiting and less time doing it. Sure, they may have seemed happier not sticking their dick into every orifice that presented itself. Maybe they would find true love if they held our for the right person instead of hopping from bed to bed. But since TCB knew everything was love, he knew that applied to one night stands too. No matter how empty he felt on the inside. Drugs were created to take care of that problem.
Where in your life are you too patient?
Where in your life do you need to be more patient?

Fuel Injection

“Inject a new reality.”
The Chemical Buddha was deathly afraid of needles. And if he were still around to ask, we’re sure he would say it was the needles that killed him and not the heroin. But that takes us away from the lesson of today’s insight. What TCB would want you to take away from this is how he overcame his fear of needles. And by walking through that which terrified him, he was able to experience things he never dreamed imaginable. In fact, he might have never been able to attain the level of enlightenment he eventually reached. Therefore, he would not have become the TCB we all know, love and follow today. Of course, The Chemical Buddha was already really stoned when he first had someone inject him and he squealed like a baby pig, but that’s another story.
What are you afraid to do?
Is it possible you may find something worthwhile on the other side of that fear? Maybe places you never dreamed imaginable?

Cotton Makes Life Comfortable

“Life is like underwear, the more comfortable it becomes the closer it is to being worn out.”
The Chemical Buddha noticed the time his clothes felt their most comfortable was when they were almost completely worn out. When they got to that point, he then had to decide how much longer he was willing to wear shirts with stretched out necks and holes in them. Or pants with the ass blown out. If history was any indication, he would wear them until there was literally nothing left. The Chemical Buddha believed in getting all of the ‘goody’ out of stuff that he could. He licked plates and bowls clean. He would sit for an hour with his head tilted back and a beer bottle in his mouth to get out every last drop of alcohol. He slept until he couldn’t force his eyes shut any longer.
Do you try to get the most out of life or do you pull up just short of your limit?
What could you get out of ‘living’ more? How could you benefit from pulling back sometimes?

Zzzzzzz

“The secret to a successful relationship is pretending you’re asleep.”
The Chemical Buddha was involved in some relationships where his partner liked to discuss deep, personal, highly volatile topics right before bed. Topics like: when are you going to pay me? Is that it? Why are you so bad in bed? TCB learned early on that if he pretended to be asleep the expectations of an answer would stop. And so, eventually, would the questions. This did lead to several awkward moments in The Chemical Buddha’s life where he would pretend to be asleep while eating and, on a couple of occasions, driving. His friend actually called an ambulance on him one time when he fell asleep while watching porn. (Which almost never happened.) Even though they didn’t take him to the hospital, he still had to pay the bill.
How do you avoid dealing with things you don’t want to deal with?
And what does it cost you?

Meet Mr. Happy

“We're all fundamentally unhappy.”
The Chemical Buddha couldn’t quite figure people out. Most seemed to focus on what was wrong, rather than what was right. Others seemed to worry more about when the good times would end, rather than enjoying them while they were going on. TCB figured unhappiness was man’s natural state and happiness, therefore, must be the unnatural state. He surmised that we must be fundamentally unhappy. But he couldn’t quite reconcile that with the fact that he spent his waking hours feeling happy. Of course, maybe that was because he was either drunk or stoned most of the time. When he first starting promoting his alternative lifestyle/religion, he made this one of its pillars. But, no matter how unhappy it seemed to make them, most people choose to cling to their current lifestyle.
What do you cling too? Does it make you happy or unhappy?
Would letting go of it free you up for something else or have you convinced yourself it won’t make a difference?

If a Cell Phone Rings and No One Hears It, Does it Make a Sound?

“Reality check: buying a mobile phone so you don’t miss any calls, only to realize how few phone calls you actually get.”
One of the reasons The Chemical Buddha tried so hard to alter reality was because when he was in it, he found it very painful to deal with. In short, he became so involved with reality that he noticed every sweet, delicious moment of it and each moment’s passing left him hurting and awestruck. By focusing on sex, drugs and food, it allowed TCB to hone in on specific things that he knew would end. One heartbreaking dose of reality that almost did TCB in, was when he got his first mobile phone because he was sure he was missing all sorts of bootie calls. He would often stay up late into the night so he didn’t sleep through any potential hook-ups. Tired and disillusioned, TCB soon adjusted to the fact that, in reality, no one missed him as much as he thought they did.
What stories do you tell yourself to make reality more bearable?
What reality would you have to accept in order to start making changing it?

'A True Friend Stabs You in the Front.' Oscar Wilde

“If you know someone lies to others, what makes you think they're not lying to you?”
This one always confused The Chemical Buddha. He didn’t understand why people thought someone that lied, cheated, and gossiped wouldn’t lie, cheat or gossip about them? Although TCB did secretly appreciate when those people were surprised to find out their ‘friend’ stabbed them in the back. With The Chemical Buddha, what you saw was what you got. Anyone that hung out with TCB knew to not expect him to change for the better (or the worse). He was a notorious creature of habit, with selfish tendencies, a poor memory and a drug addled brain. He would sell anything you had to help him buy drugs and sex. You couldn’t trust him alone with anything (or anyone) you cared about. The thing is, he didn’t just do this stuff to others, but he did all of it to himself too. So, as he would say ‘at least I’m consistent.’
How do you treat others?
How do you treat yourself?
Is there a difference between the two? Why?

Experts are Idiots. Idiots are Experts.

“No one knows, but we all get to find out.”
The Chemical Buddha wasn’t a big believer in expert advice or professional opinions. People who thought they knew everything were usually proven to not know anything. Because their brains would twist the information to fit what they saw. The ‘experts’ mind/intellect wasn’t open to seeing something new. He preferred the thinking of novices and idiots. They usually had a way of boiling things down into the simplest components. Some would say they were too simple, but TCB found a lot of value in starting there. For the record, The Chemical Buddha never passed himself off as an expert on anything other than himself. He was the only person who knew the most about TCB. That was the reason he was often pissed off when people tried to act like they were an expert on his life and what he should do with it.
What do you know? What don’t you know? What do you think you know?
How well do you know your own life and what motivates you?

Beautiful on the Inside?

“Go ugly early.”
Believe it or not, The Chemical Buddha spent a lot of time in bars. And one of the things he discovered was that ugly women got all the play. While the beautiful ones seemed to just sit in the corner shooting men down, their ugly sisters were getting laid. That’s when the TCB came up with the above insight. He also formed the philosophy that to get the best of the ugly girls you had to make your move early. Before they were snapped up by some better looking guy. This was actually the only way The Chemical Buddha was able to have a chance at getting laid. But if he had to spend money to get them drunk, he would quickly loose interest. The Holy Grail of ugly chicks for him, were the ones that were already drunk. Of course, there was a large likelihood they could turn into emotional baskets cases.
What things about yourself do you consider ‘ugly’?
How do you do to cope with your ‘ugliness’?

Special Delivery

“High standards often lead to lots of lonely nights.”
The Chemical Buddha didn’t have high standards. But he still had a lot of lonely nights. That’s because the women he was going after (correct that, any woman he was going after) did have standards. And TCB always seemed to come up short. When out with his male followers though, he noticed that there were women they wouldn’t sleep with. And he could never understand that at all. He thought if you have someone, anyone, who wants to fuck you or give you a blow job, you should totally go for it. But then The Chemical Buddha wasn’t about making other people feel special. He was more interested in making himself feel special.
Where have your high standards/expectations kept you from connecting and/or having fun?
Which is worth more to you: your standards or a good time? How often have you been able to achieve both?

Last Dance with Mary Jane

“Pot: smokeable amnesia.”
When The Chemical Buddha was smoking pot he couldn’t remember what he’d just said let alone what he was going to do or what he had been doing. To him, pot was the perfect way to release all attachments to the past. Another benefit is it helped him enjoy every little moment of life. Like the taste, texture and colors of the world around him. And everything he ate was ‘the best ever!’ Of course smoking weed also helped him loose all attachment to getting shit done. Along with any motivation for being successful. So while it was a mixed bag of benefits, The Chemical Buddha thought the positives far outweighed the negatives. But labels like ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ always depended upon your perspective. And what end of the bong you were on.
What do you need to forget?
How would you benefit from slowing down and taking in what the world has to offer?

Oh Baby!

“Let’s end the debate. I came first.”
The chicken? The egg? The Chemical Buddha didn’t give a fuck about any of that. All The Chemical Buddha knew was he always came first. In fact, he prided himself on finishing first at something. You can be sure he applied this thinking to more than just his orgasms. He thought of himself first in every other area of his life too. (Except when it came time for taking responsibility. Then, he was curiously absent.) His ‘what’s in it for me?’ and ‘me first’ attitude was legendary amongst his contemporaries. We’re pretty sure, if he had a lick of musical or athletic talent he would have made an awesome rock star or professional athlete. Although he did try to form a professional drug league, but that was short lived because everyone was too paranoid to show up and/or lost track of time. So he declared himself the champion.
Where in your life do you put yourself first and what does that cost you?
Where in your life do you put yourself last and what does that cost you?

You Don't Have to go Home, but You Can't Stay Here

“The ultimate last call is death.”
The Chemical Buddha seemed to swing between being on top of the world and a preoccupation with his own mortality. But when he was using, he saw how his view of the world depended entirely upon what chemicals were flowing through his body. So was reality when he was sober or was reality when he was high off his ass? Regardless of which it was, whenever last call/death came, reality, as he knew it ceased. And while there was always a chance he had something at home to keep the party going, once death came, the party was over. His atoms would then disperse and join other parties somewhere else. And the thought of his atoms going to another party without him was enough to make him drink heavily. Although he didn’t give a shit about the atoms he got rid of himself. He was perfectly happy leaving them behind.
How do you feel being left behind?
How do you feel about leaving others behind?

What's Next?

“Always looking for something better.”
The Chemical Buddha had a lot of respect for people who seemed to be content with the simple things. For the boring and mundane things that went on and on and on and on. He, on the other had, was always looking for what was just over the next horizon. He believed it was this quest that allowed us (as a culture) to progress. If we were all happy where we were, new lands would never have been found. Let alone all the amazing sex aids that have been created since man first found the joy of pulling his own crank. And none of the new drugs would have been synthesized. Yes. It was this quest for something better that had the human race stretching beyond what seemed impossible decades earlier. And no matter how unhappy this search made us, it was all worth it.
Are you happy where you are, or do you think the next thing will make you happy?
What is wrong with where you are now? Do you think your search will take you someplace different?

Friendship is Hell

“The prospect of going to hell doesn’t bother me. All my friends are there.”
Like most people The Chemical Buddha didn’t like going to parties where he didn’t know anyone. And he especially didn’t want to go to a lame party. If there is a heaven, The Chemical Buddha wasn’t sure he wanted to go, let alone hang out with the people who seemed to think they were going to be there. He couldn’t imagine being around all of those judgmental, self-righteous, martyrs. In fact, he was pretty sure they would all get on each other nerves. But if he could hang out on the cool level of hell (not with the murders or pedophiles, but the people who just took the Lord’s name in vain and cheated on their spouses) that sounded like his kind of party. He was pretty sure he would know most of the people there anyway.
What would you go through to be with your friends?
What would you do to keep your friends?