Get Drunk. Stay Drunk.

"You'll never have a hangover if you don't sober up."
Buddhists see life as suffering and meditation as a way to relieve/release suffering. As you might expect, The Chemical Buddha's approach was different. He was in favor of avoiding any and all pain as often as possible. He taught that emotional, physical and spiritual pain could all be avoided indefinitely with the right cocktail of chemicals. Of course, there are other physical costs. Not to mention the eventual tolerance to anything you're taking, and the withdrawals and cravings. But to The Chemical Buddha that just meant the student hadn't reached enlightenment yet. He always did have an answer for everything.
What causes you pain in your life?
What do you do to avoid it?
How does avoiding it work? Does it make the pain go away?

Dick for Brains

"I'm unable to think farther ahead than the tip of my dick."
The Chemical Buddha wasn't much of a planner. He claimed that was because it would require him to leave the now and actually think ahead. We think it was a convenient excuse to forget birthdays, holidays, dinner plans, or the need to lift the toilet seat before he pissed. Because anyone that spent anytime around him knew he thought ahead a little bit. Or at least as far ahead as his dick would reach. And believe us, that wasn't very far. How he was able to reconcile this version of thinking ahead while claiming to be in the now was truly an amazing feat. He usually justified it by saying "I'm horny now so I'm trying to find who I can fuck now. And I will make choices based on who I think will let me fuck them in the future." This thinking got The Chemical Buddha to adopt fads, buy shit he didn’t need and cancel whole evenings thinking he would get laid. Which didn't work.
Do you plan or let things happen? What is the result of that in your life?
Would you be better served to plan more or less?
What do you like and dislike about planning?

Let's Cook

"Give a man some meth and he gets high for a day. Send a man to jail and he comes out with 5 ways to cook his own."
The Chemical Buddha was never a fan of punishment. And by punishment we mean being locked up. (Especially when it was him who was being punished. Unless he was being spanked, because he sort of liked being spanked.) It seemed to him putting a bunch of criminals together was the perfect way for them to learn new ways to commit more and different crimes. To TCB jail was sort of a crime college where someone could go and come out with a much better education. Just like real colleges, organization, trade groups and circle of friends. Who you hang out with determines what kind of person you’ll become. At least for the foreseeable future.
What kind of friends do you surround yourself with?
Friends who teach you new things to better yourself?
Or friends who don’t want you to learn new things and grow?

Three is a Magic Number

"To some three is a crowd. To me, it’s a threesome."
To numerologist three is the number of a relationship. There is me, you and, the third, us. To the Chemical Buddha, three was the minimum needed to have a good time. He would also agree that it was the number of a relationship as in the number to have in a relationship. The most sacred version of the number three being two females and The Chemical Buddha. Of course, there was no way TCB could come close to satisfying one woman, let alone two women. But he always hoped they would please each other and he could watch as he drifted off to sleep.
Have you ever prejudged your potential partner? What was the impact? Did they surprise you or live up (or down) to your expectations?
What are the minimum things you require in a relationship?
What are the little extras you can bring to make your relationships last?

High Enough for Ya?

"Some speak of a Higher Power. I know there is a Higher Dosage."
As an enlightened being, The Chemical Buddha was often asked his thoughts on the idea of a higher power. Usually, TCB would reply with a question of his own, "Higher than what?" Partially because he was confused how much higher people wanted their power to be. The whole concept of higher power was beyond him. Plus, he figured if such a thing actually existed, he would find out sometime in the future. However, in the here and now, he knew there was such a thing as a higher dosage (which led him to today's teaching). When he was completely wasted, he wondered if there was a relationship between a higher power and a higher dosage. Eventually, he came to know that a higher dosage would lead him to a higher power (if one existed).
How much time do you spend thinking about the here and now?
How much time do you spend thinking about the future?
How does planning for the future keep you from enjoying the here and now?
How does enjoying the here and now keep you from planning for the future?

Think Shallow

"I'm a deep thinker of shallow thoughts."
Today's insight is to combat those who said The Chemical Buddha wasn't a deep thinker. Because TCB saw himself as someone who thought deep thoughts about very superficial things. He was, after all, a product of the culture in which he grew up. One that prized celebrity over cause. One that thought the newest thing Detroit pooped out was more important than any social or economic issues of the day. So was it so unfathomable that he might spend waaaay too much time thinking about sex, drugs and food? If he were here, he would say, "No," because all things are related. Even those trivial things. What's important is bringing them all out into the light and then deciding what to do from there.
What do you spend your time thinking about?
How might you distract yourself from the bigger issues in your life?
How do you justify the life you're living?

Soul Fire

"While the fire within may burn brightly, a match works better for lighting a one-hitter."
Central to The Chemical Buddha's belief system was the thought that we were all enlightened. Most of us just needed some outside help. (Or just needed to ingest some outside help.) While TCB was often criticized for not following the teachings learned over thousands of years of meditative practice, nothing could be further from the truth. He just thought he could add his own twist to boost everyone's consciousness. He saw his charge as evolving meditation and Buddhism. Since the beginning of time everything has changed. His brand of Bud-dhism seemed like the next step combining what Buddha started 2,500 years ago that the hippies tweaked in the late 1960s. If he got laid and was able to cash in along the way, all the better.
How have you changed during your life?
How have you stayed the same?
Are you the person you want to be?
What needs to change in your life to become that person?

Holiest of Holies

"The only holy site I'm interested in visiting is between your legs."
The way The Chemical Buddha saw it, the religious oppression of women was doing the exact opposite of what it should be doing. Not that TCB had any problem with people who weren't attracted to women, pussy was just something that interested him a lot more than cock. And when TCB thought about today's insight, everyone had holes. But we digress. The Chemical Buddha thought his own brand of holy sites was way more important than some old building, rock or mound. His 'holy' sites were the source of pleasure and life. In every picture TCB saw of people at a 'holy' site no one seemed to be having fun or even smiling. That seemed fucked up to him. Plus, The Chemical Buddha's spiritual system had way more holy sites than every other religion (over 3 billion at last count). And he was interested in visiting every single one of them. Sadly, at the time of this death, TCB had only visited 13 holy sites and that was for only a few brief seconds.
What is you concept of religion/spirituality?
What do you agree with and what do you disagree with?
In the perfect world, what would your personal spiritual practice look like?
How would living that way change your life?

Love Drug

"Love is like getting high: intense, short lived and you always want more the next time."
The Chemical Buddha rarely felt anything as intoxicating as the first moment of love. Sure, there was the instant of penetration (which he loved and was unlike anything else he'd ever experienced) but that high of being around someone he loved was unmatched. Wanting to touch them. Hold them. Hear their voice. Of course, with TCB's incredibly addictive personality, the rush of love only lasted for approximate 12 minutes and 42 seconds. Then he was off to something else. He basically had the attention span of a cat in room a filled with shiny Christmas ornaments, birds, and open paper bags. Eventually, The Chemical Buddha built up such a tolerance to love, we're not sure if he was capable of feeling it later in life.
How often are you satisfied in your life?
How long do you stay satisfied?
What are the things you love about your life right now?
What things would you change?

Lie to Me

"If someone cares enough about me to fake their orgasm, I'm OK with that."
Men that The Chemical Buddha knew spent their early sexual lives worrying if they were satisfying their partners. And then worked hard to figure out what it would take to make them happy in bed. It's well documented that TCB didn't share their concerns. He didn't wonder if his lover's orgasm was 'real' or not. There was so much more to worry about. Like his own orgasm. And when it came right down to it, if someone cared enough to not hurt his feelings by pretending they felt something (anything) then that to him was the sincerest from of love possible. Because only those that truly loved him would be concerned about his pleasure and his feelings.
Do you lie to avoid hurting people's feelings?
How do you feel when people are critical of you? Would you rather have the truth or feel good about yourself (assuming both aren't always possible)?

Do You See What I See?

"The brain sees only what it recognizes. Which is why you look like a vagina smoking a joint to me."
For millennia various philosophers and religions have talked about how the world around us is merely an illusion. How we don't really see what's happening around us. The sages, mystics, and shamans have said our concept of reality has very little to do with what's really there. This is a concept The Chemical Buddha heavily bought into. In fact, he took it further and twisted reality into what he wanted it to be. Some called it living in his own fantasy world. He called it reality substitution. And who was to say his version of what was happening was any better or worse than what other people saw or believed?
Why do you believe what you believe?
How do you cope when things aren't as you want them to be?
Does your version of reality align with other peoples' versions?
If your version is different, how does that help and hurt you and your relationships.

Bliss This

"Bliss has many forms: smokeable, injectable, drinkable, edible, and fuckable."
Like Joseph Campbell, The Chemical Buddha was a big believer in doing what (and who) made you happy. Luckily for TCB, there were a lot of things that made him happy, so he didn't need to limit himself to one form of bliss. He attributed his happiness and longevity, such that it was, to his vast menu of things he liked. However, unlike Mr. Campbell, The Chemical Buddha was perfectly OK with his bliss coming at the expense of others. In his mind, his selfishness (or bliss bogarting) would spur people to get fed up with being taken advantage of and eventually find their own form of bliss to follow.
What makes you happy?
What are you willing to do to be happy?
Are you willing to potentially be miserable in the short-term if it means you'll have long-term happiness?

More Questions

"The real existential question is, 'what's for dinner?'"
As a Buddha, The Chemical Buddha was often asked about the meaning of life, what came after this life, what death was like, etc. But to TCB, none of these questions were all that important. That's because, for most of us, we didn't really need to know the answer right now. And even if we did, we'd all get to find out what the answer was soon enough. No. To The Chemical Buddha, the question that needed answering the most was about what he was going to eat next and who he was going to fuck next. Those covered his more immediate needs. Why worry about death when you might not eat or get laid again?
What big, esoteric questions do you try to answer?
Do you think getting the answer will help, or are you just distracting yourself from your more immediate needs?
What in your life feeds you and your soul?

More Than I can Handle

"If given the choice, I’d rather get more sex than I want, then less."
To The Chemical Buddha, life was about choices. Of course, this all fell apart when it came to sex. Because then he had to find someone to choose to have sex with him at the same time. And more often then not, they choose to not have sex with him. This led to TCB's world view that it's always better to be offered more than you want than to be left wanting. So whenever possible, The Chemical Buddha would work to ensure he was at least offered something. Be it plastic shopping bags, Styrofoam peanuts, twist ties, empty beer cans, or punches to the face. He was happy as long as people were offering him more than he wanted.
What do you not get enough of?
What do you get too much of?
How might you better balance the two? How often do you ask for what you want?

Size is About Perspective

"It looks a lot bigger when it's right in your face."
As has been covered at various times in these posts, The Chemical Buddha was hung like a baby gerbil. A baby female gerbil at that. So it didn't take TCB long to realize that if he put his equipment right in the face of a potential fuck, they were more likely to see it. As long as he had manscaped (or even shaved off all his pubic hair.) This observation was fundamental to his belief that everything had a viewing distance. Some things seem a lot bigger when you're close to them, but shrink when you get the proper perspective. What was important was figuring out how close to get to a problem to understand it.
What issues are you overwhelmed by?
How might a change of view/perspective help you see those issues in their proper size?

Bone in

"More erections are wasted in a day than are used in a year. Stop the senseless waste of erections!"
The Chemical Buddha discovered that he only used a small percentage of the erections he had in any given day. In fact, he put far fewer erections to work then he would have liked. This was the turning point and the motivation for his new view of his 'littleB uddha'. As a result, he vowed to put more of his erections towards the purpose of pleasure creation. Of course, this meant he got several tickets for masturbating in public and it wasn't unusual to look up from dinner to see him pleasuring himself at the table. It was around this time he became fond of saying, "Happiness is a stiff dick." Up until the time of this death, TCB figured he was getting pleasure from 10% of his daily boners.
What things in your life are you not taking full advantage of?
How might utilizing what is already at hand, help you enjoy your life more?

Enlighten This

"The truly unenlightened are always willing to tell you how enlightened they are."
The Chemical Buddha found people were always happy to tell him where he'd fucked up his life. And how much better they were than him. But what he also discovered was these very same people were often just as fucked up as he was. If not more. It was during this time he learned to trust his own counsel more. He also learned to consider the context of the person giving the advice. TCB knew everyone had their own problems to deal with. Said another way, he found no one's life was as perfect as it seemed. However, this didn't stop him from seeking the advice of others. He just didn't feel as compelled to follow it.
How do you let other's opinions of you influence your thought process?
What would happen if you trusted your own instincts and did what you thought was best? How would your life be different?

Let's Drink

"Alcohol increases the desire, but not the performance."
The Chemical Buddha considered alcohol his best friend. And, except for those few times the liquor stores were closed, his friend was always available. His buddy alcohol always helped him feel good about himself and forget the stuff he didn't feel good about. And if that's not the very definition of a good friend then we don't know what is. Today's insight came after TCB found that, up to the point of blacking out, every sip of alcohol increased his horniness. It also made for some sloppy sex where he had trouble getting it up or getting off. Oftentimes, he couldn't even remember what he did. So to him, the sloppy sex stuff was more rumor and urban myth than anything.
Where in your life do you get excited about something only to not follow through in the end?
What might you do to ensure you're doing what (and who) you want to do?

Vacant

"Empty what's full. Fill what’s empty."
It's just a natural law of nature. That which is empty must be filled and that which is full must be emptied. The Chemical Buddha found this to be true in every facet of his life and often used today's insight as his fall back advice for every situation and every student. He also tried it as a pick up line with mixed results. Usually, the class of woman TCB was talking to, didn't grasp what he was talking about. In fact, he found this to be true no matter who he said it too. People didn't get it, but it sounded smart so no one asked him to explain it. Which, quite frankly, was the best The Chemical Buddha could hope for. Because we're not sure if he knew what it meant either.
What emptiness do you need to fill in your life?
And are you filling it with the right thing?
If not, how will creating an open space allow something else to come into you life?
What do you need to empty out?

Never Forget

"No matter who you are, some religion thinks you're going to hell."
The irony of this being on September 11th was lost on The Chemical Buddha when he came up with this daily meditation for the medicated, but it seems appropriate. Regardless of the god, ungod, tree or glow worm you worship, someone somewhere thinks your going to hell or will be eternally damned because of your beliefs. Or, you think they're going to hell for theirs. Good times. The Chemical Buddha realized all this did was separate him from others. (As in it prevented him from getting in the pants of people who believed differently.) Therefore he embraced as many beliefs (and naked people) as possible.
How do your beliefs keep you separated from those around you?
Is it more important for you to understand or to be understood?
And what is the impact of that in your life?

Here's a Thought

"If I'm thinking about you, it's in the context of what you can do for me."
The Chemical Buddha stumbled upon this little bit of wisdom when his girlfriend at the time asked him what he was thinking about. He replied, "I’m thinking about you sucking on my dick. While your mom sticks her tits in my face." This was the last time she ever asked him what he was thinking. In fact, it was also the last time The Chemical Buddha ever saw her. Through this, he realized that when he thought of other people it was always about them helping him. Either with food, sex, or helping him find his underwear. In fact, he rarely thought of other people at all if he didn't need something. Luckily, he was pretty fucking needy, which meant he thought about other people practically all the time.
What do you spend your time thinking about?
And how might expressing your thoughts help and/or hurt you?

The Gift of Life

"Life is a gift most of us treat like we don't want."
Believe it or not, there was a time before The Chemical Buddha attained enlightenment. During that period of his life, TCB spent most of his time complaining about life. (He would later learn to enjoy the bounty of flesh, drugs, and raucous good times that were available to him.) During this time he was known to sulk and deeply sigh. But eventually, like most spiritual teachers, he experienced an awakening and saw life as the gift it was. However, it wasn't a near-death experience but rather when he ate some cold French fries he found in the bottom of his car while he was high. He claimed they were the best fries ever! From that moment forward he took it upon himself to wear his life out. To fully experience the gift he had been given.
What are you treating like you don't want?
What changes do you need to make to get the absolute most out of what you've been given?

Fucking Party

"Sex is the desire to connect with oneness. An orgy is the desire to connect with everyoneness."
The Chemical Buddha often took teachings from religious scholars and put his own unique TCB twist on it. For example, for centuries various gurus have theorized that we each have a soul mate out there. And our sexual desire is nothing more than wanting to be whole or connect with another to experience 'oneness'. In fact it's the experience of this oneness that gives us the closest taste of what it is to be with god/spirit/creator. The Chemical Buddha's twist was to play host to parties where the intent was to connect with everyoneness. (Some called them orgies, but The Chemical Buddha believed that name debased their higher spiritual intent. How could you find your soul mate unless you mated with a lot of souls?)
What areas of your life do you need to improve?
How can seeing things differently, help you see them better?
How are you disconnected from yourself? What can you do to reconnect to yourself?
How are you disconnected from others? What can you do to reconnect to them?

Candy Man

"The journey to Nirvana weaves in and out of rehab."
Before you head out on your journey of enlightenment through pharmaceuticals, you should know it is a difficult path. You, much like The Chemical Buddha, may doubt your path and decide you're tired of sleeping outside, having sex with strangers to score drugs, not bathing, and alienating everyone who ever came into contact with you. It's during those dark times, you might decide to get your shit together by going to rehab and cleaning up. Whatever your personal journey, The Chemical Buddha found his wove in and out of various detox centers. Fortunately for all of us, he was committed to his path and found everything he needed to eventually find Nirvana.
Are you committed to your path?
What do you try to distract yourself with from your true path?
And what do you need to do to stay on it?

Wake Up?

"I regain consciousness almost daily."
If the goal of enlightenment to gain total consciousness of all actions and to do everything with a purpose and reason, then The Chemical Buddha rationalized that those among us who regain consciousness daily were truly the most enlightened. Unfortunately, no matter how hard The Chemical Buddha tried to apply this logic, he was only able to regain consciousness almost daily. That was because his blackouts would stretch for days and weeks. But he took solace in the fact that he was totally conscious of his unconsciousness and figured that made him just as enlightened as those who were conscious of everything.
Where in your life are you asleep?
What do you not want to know about?
What do you need to wake up to you in life?
What do you need to be conscious of today?

What was the Question?

"Drugs are rarely the answer, but they'll help you forget the question."
Later in The Chemical Buddha's life, he thought that maybe, just maybe drugs weren't the answer to all his problems and questions about life. But to seriously consider that thought may have required him to undo the years of work he had invested into his path and teachings. So he figured there must be a way out of this setback. After thinking about it for at least several seconds, he realized that he couldn't remember his questions, or better yet, his problems. (Truth be told, he couldn't even remember his own name and address). So maybe drugs were actually a help after all? After this profound insight, The Chemical Buddha taught (and smoked, injected, fucked, and drank) with a new verve.
What are you using to distract yourself from the big issues in your life?
What reality are you avoiding?
If you are avoiding something, why?
Do you think avoiding it will make it go away?

The Smartest Idiot

"Smart people know we're all idiots."
After spending years pretending like he knew everything, The Chemical Buddha eventually came to understand that he didn't know very much. He reasoned that if he didn't know everything than no one could know everything. Years later, he figured out that that meant there might actually be someone who knew something he didn't. So in the eyes of that someone, he was an idiot. (Because TCB thought people who didn't know stuff he did were obviously idiots.) Although The Chemical Buddha never realized it before passing away, we have come to theorize that those who realize they're an idiot are at least slightly ahead of those who think they know everything. But of course, you also don't know what you don't know. We're pretty sure if The Chemical Buddha was still with us, he would say if you don't know what you don't know then why learn anything at all?
How curious are you about life?
Is there something in your life that could benefit from an outside opinion?
Do you ask people who know things you don't know for help? Why or why not?

It's Lite Beer Though

"You might be an alcoholic if you drink beer to sober up."
As has been reported several times over through the teaching of The Chemical Buddha's Daily Meditations for the Medicated, TCB may have had a substance abuse problem. Or, as he liked to call, a substance abuse 'friendship'. As he explored deeper and deeper levels of his 'friendship', even TCB started to worry about his drinking when he realized having a few beers helped him sober up. But instead of seeing that as a sign to stop, he was grateful to have such a helpful friend and eventually decided that if it worked, he should keep doing it. Which is what he did.
What lesser problems are you using to justify/hide your bigger issues?
How might solving the little problems help you confront what's truly holding you back?

I Don't Believe in Karma

"Bad Karma is when the cops find half a joint in your car's ashtray."
As shown on the September 1st insight, the universe/Karma can give. But what the universe gives, it can also take away. Sometimes, it can even take away in handcuffs. Back before pot wasn’t that big of a deal, The Chemical Buddha was pulled over for a routine traffic stop for driving on the sidewalk. The attending officer took one look at The Chemical Buddha's bloodshot eyes and decided to search his car where he found half a joint and someone to put in the back of his police car. The Chemical Buddha chalked this up to being at the wrong place at the wrong time. And it was the universe/Karma's way of telling him he should have been someplace else.
What is waiting in your life to trip you up?
(Again, if you know the answer, you know what it is.)
What are you getting back from the universe?
(That might help you figure out what you're putting out into the universe.)

I Believe in Karma

"Good Karma is when you find half a joint in your car's ashtray."
Some call it luck. Some call it Karma. The Buddhist belief of Karma is based on the idea that you get back from the universe what you put out. In the case of today's insight, when The Chemical Buddha found half a join in his ashtray, he assumed it was because the universe was paying him back for all the good work he was doing to promote enlightenment. In fact, he created an entire story around that one event that explained his entire life to bring him to this one moment where he would find half a joint just when he needed one most. Words cannot explain the elation he felt.
What hidden benefits are out there in your life?
(If you know the answer to this one, then it's not hidden is it?)
What are you putting out in the universe and what are you getting back?
What do you want to put out and what do you want to get back?