"It’s called being stoned because you have the IQ of a rock.”"
Some teachers get questions like, "Why are we here?" and "What’s the meaning of life?" In addition to those, The Chemical Buddha also got, "Why do they call it being stoned?" Of course, the people who asked those questions were usually stoned out of their fucking gourds, so it didn't really matter what his reply was, they would just giggle. And because he was stoned, he would just giggle too. Boy those were good times. Just so you know, his answer to, "Why are we here?" Is "Where else should we be?" Or "Why not?" And his answer to "What’s the meaning of life?" was "To live." Now granted, these weren't the greatest answers in the world, and he may have actually said some other things, but we were stoned most of the time we were around him.
What are the big questions you ask about your life?
How satisfied are you with your answers?
Why are you here?
What’s the meaning of your life?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Concession Stand is Now Open
"By the time you get it all figured out, it’s over."
When The Chemical Buddha came up with this insight, he wasn't talking about life. (Like many people have suggested.) Rather, he was commenting on a movie he had just watched. Although many spiritual teachers have used the metaphor of movies being like life. They say watching a movie is how life appears to the inner witness. The witness is entirely entertained, but knows life is just a 'movie'. While it’s true TCB could have been ahead of the spiritual masters (or at least at the end) when it came to the movie/life reference there's no way to tell since TCB's life story only had one reel (or DVD with no out takes or bonus features). When The Chemical Buddha combined his insight with the other movie metaphor, he became bound and determined to never figure anything out again because he was afraid it would just end. So his remaining years were more like a bad movie with no plot. But even bad movies end.
How would you see your life differently if you viewed it as a movie?
Would you be more attached to what happened in it or less?
How might your perspective change?
When The Chemical Buddha came up with this insight, he wasn't talking about life. (Like many people have suggested.) Rather, he was commenting on a movie he had just watched. Although many spiritual teachers have used the metaphor of movies being like life. They say watching a movie is how life appears to the inner witness. The witness is entirely entertained, but knows life is just a 'movie'. While it’s true TCB could have been ahead of the spiritual masters (or at least at the end) when it came to the movie/life reference there's no way to tell since TCB's life story only had one reel (or DVD with no out takes or bonus features). When The Chemical Buddha combined his insight with the other movie metaphor, he became bound and determined to never figure anything out again because he was afraid it would just end. So his remaining years were more like a bad movie with no plot. But even bad movies end.
How would you see your life differently if you viewed it as a movie?
Would you be more attached to what happened in it or less?
How might your perspective change?
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Think Big
"Women think small things are cute and adorable with three exceptions: houses, diamonds, and penises."
The Chemical Buddha didn't understand a lot about women (or men). But he did notice that while men liked things to be big: big guns, big engines, big tits, big hair, big trucks, big explosions, big animals. Women seemed to think little things were cute. Little shampoos, little lotions, little dogs, little knick knacks. So he thought he would fit right in and they would find his little parts to be cute too. That’s when the cruel reality that women didn't like everything that was little hit him like a load of massive boulders. It was after crying many shameful tears from one woman's cutting remarks about his manhood (or lack of it) that TCB came up with today's insight. (He actually started with penis but learned diamonds and houses were also on the list.) Later, he denied that he was anything but a mule-dick but there are countless photos and stories that say other wise.
What do you make a big deal out of?
Are they actually important or do you make them appear more important than they are?
What could you do to see everything in it's proper perspective?
The Chemical Buddha didn't understand a lot about women (or men). But he did notice that while men liked things to be big: big guns, big engines, big tits, big hair, big trucks, big explosions, big animals. Women seemed to think little things were cute. Little shampoos, little lotions, little dogs, little knick knacks. So he thought he would fit right in and they would find his little parts to be cute too. That’s when the cruel reality that women didn't like everything that was little hit him like a load of massive boulders. It was after crying many shameful tears from one woman's cutting remarks about his manhood (or lack of it) that TCB came up with today's insight. (He actually started with penis but learned diamonds and houses were also on the list.) Later, he denied that he was anything but a mule-dick but there are countless photos and stories that say other wise.
What do you make a big deal out of?
Are they actually important or do you make them appear more important than they are?
What could you do to see everything in it's proper perspective?
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Going Viral
"Safe sex, for men, is when their wives are out of town."
The Chemical Buddha was sexually active when the bombshells of HIV and herpes hit the one-night stand scene. And although he was never in a serous relationship, he did take notice of the rampant concern of people bringing some serous STDs home to their partners And while safer sex was to use a condom (which TCB was in favor of because it doubled his stamina from 15 seconds to 30 seconds). His married friends talked about the safest sex being with a condom while their spouse/partner was out of town. Just so you know, The Chemical Buddha was an early adopter of both HIV and herpes and contracted it as soon as he found out about it. To his way of thinking, he no longer needed to worry about catching it later on. Which really freed his mind from all of the needless worry of someone giving it to him.
Where do you play it safe in your life? What's the result?
Where do you take unnecessary risks? What's the result?
Do you learn more from taking risks or playing it safe?
The Chemical Buddha was sexually active when the bombshells of HIV and herpes hit the one-night stand scene. And although he was never in a serous relationship, he did take notice of the rampant concern of people bringing some serous STDs home to their partners And while safer sex was to use a condom (which TCB was in favor of because it doubled his stamina from 15 seconds to 30 seconds). His married friends talked about the safest sex being with a condom while their spouse/partner was out of town. Just so you know, The Chemical Buddha was an early adopter of both HIV and herpes and contracted it as soon as he found out about it. To his way of thinking, he no longer needed to worry about catching it later on. Which really freed his mind from all of the needless worry of someone giving it to him.
Where do you play it safe in your life? What's the result?
Where do you take unnecessary risks? What's the result?
Do you learn more from taking risks or playing it safe?
Friday, June 26, 2009
And You're Off
"I have sex with hookers because they'll leave afterwards."
The Chemical Buddha didn't really find it that hard to get women to leave after sex (unless they were passed out and incapable of movement), but for some reason he thought paying for sex had it's advantages. First, a hooker never complained about his lack of stamina. In fact, they seem happy, almost giddy, when he finished in under 30 seconds. And second, they high tailed it out after he paid them. So it wasn't unusual for TCB to have several hookers clamoring for his business because he was sooooo fast. Because in a business where you get paid by the trick a customer as easy to please as TCB was a virtual gold mine.
What parts of your life do you rush through and why?
What would it take for you to slow down and enjoy yourself?
Do you see things through to the end or do you believe you give up too soon?
The Chemical Buddha didn't really find it that hard to get women to leave after sex (unless they were passed out and incapable of movement), but for some reason he thought paying for sex had it's advantages. First, a hooker never complained about his lack of stamina. In fact, they seem happy, almost giddy, when he finished in under 30 seconds. And second, they high tailed it out after he paid them. So it wasn't unusual for TCB to have several hookers clamoring for his business because he was sooooo fast. Because in a business where you get paid by the trick a customer as easy to please as TCB was a virtual gold mine.
What parts of your life do you rush through and why?
What would it take for you to slow down and enjoy yourself?
Do you see things through to the end or do you believe you give up too soon?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Let go
"Dying is easy. Living is hard."
Everywhere The Chemical Buddha went people seemed to be worried about or avoiding the thought of dying. To TCB, dying would take care of itself. It would happen when it happened, so why worry about it? He thought living was the thing most people seemed to struggle with. They seemed to be afraid of living. Holding back. Not engaging fully. Putting themselves into a box. Hopefully, by now, you've learned that The Chemical Buddha threw himself into life. He wanted to partake in any and everything. Whether that meant injecting, ingesting or intercoursing. Oftentimes, he ended up infected and infirmed, but he would say that was just a part of the rich tapestry of life.
What is your approach to life?
What are your thoughts on death?
Do you spend more time thinking about living or dying?
What do you need to do to live more?
What do you need to do to prepare for death?
Everywhere The Chemical Buddha went people seemed to be worried about or avoiding the thought of dying. To TCB, dying would take care of itself. It would happen when it happened, so why worry about it? He thought living was the thing most people seemed to struggle with. They seemed to be afraid of living. Holding back. Not engaging fully. Putting themselves into a box. Hopefully, by now, you've learned that The Chemical Buddha threw himself into life. He wanted to partake in any and everything. Whether that meant injecting, ingesting or intercoursing. Oftentimes, he ended up infected and infirmed, but he would say that was just a part of the rich tapestry of life.
What is your approach to life?
What are your thoughts on death?
Do you spend more time thinking about living or dying?
What do you need to do to live more?
What do you need to do to prepare for death?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Say What?
"Seek not a good teacher. Rather, seek a good dealer."
From time to time, The Chemical Buddha had doubts about his path. When that happened he sought out spiritual teachers for affirmation that he was on the right path. After listening to them prattle on and on about clearing one's mind, releasing attachments, turning things over to a higher power and such, he was sure he had chosen the correct path. Especially when he talked with his favorite dealer who recommended some hydroponic pot from Amsterdam that the dealer said would, "Make you stupid." And to TCB, that sounded like clearing his mind. Besides it was a lot less of a hassle.
Do you hear what people actually say or do you hear what you want to hear?
How often do you twist situations to serve your world view/agenda?
What is the result of that twisting (if and when you do it)?
From time to time, The Chemical Buddha had doubts about his path. When that happened he sought out spiritual teachers for affirmation that he was on the right path. After listening to them prattle on and on about clearing one's mind, releasing attachments, turning things over to a higher power and such, he was sure he had chosen the correct path. Especially when he talked with his favorite dealer who recommended some hydroponic pot from Amsterdam that the dealer said would, "Make you stupid." And to TCB, that sounded like clearing his mind. Besides it was a lot less of a hassle.
Do you hear what people actually say or do you hear what you want to hear?
How often do you twist situations to serve your world view/agenda?
What is the result of that twisting (if and when you do it)?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Drug War Veteran
"Looks like poverty and drugs are winning the war."
The Chemical Buddha was occasionally a student of popular culture. (Especially the drugs part of American culture.) TCB noticed that at various times America has declared wars on certain parts of our culture. In the 1960's it was poverty. In the '80's it was drugs. So far, despite the billions of dollars spent, it would appear we're losing the war. Which means we either need to surrender or find a new way to go about it. Like giving people the support they need to actually change their lives. (Of course, we digress and may even be high right now.) At one particularly weird period of his life, TCB considered himself a war veteran. He saw every drug he took as another bullet in the war on drugs. A bullet that could have easily taken out someone else. So he literally saved lives by sacrificing himself. Of course, it could have just been that he was looking to get veteran's benefits out of the government.
Do you stand up for ideas and/or yourself or go with the flow?
What would it take for you to make a stand for something?
If you're not already doing it, how do you think it would feel to fight for something? And what would you fight for?
The Chemical Buddha was occasionally a student of popular culture. (Especially the drugs part of American culture.) TCB noticed that at various times America has declared wars on certain parts of our culture. In the 1960's it was poverty. In the '80's it was drugs. So far, despite the billions of dollars spent, it would appear we're losing the war. Which means we either need to surrender or find a new way to go about it. Like giving people the support they need to actually change their lives. (Of course, we digress and may even be high right now.) At one particularly weird period of his life, TCB considered himself a war veteran. He saw every drug he took as another bullet in the war on drugs. A bullet that could have easily taken out someone else. So he literally saved lives by sacrificing himself. Of course, it could have just been that he was looking to get veteran's benefits out of the government.
Do you stand up for ideas and/or yourself or go with the flow?
What would it take for you to make a stand for something?
If you're not already doing it, how do you think it would feel to fight for something? And what would you fight for?
Monday, June 22, 2009
For Special Occasions Only
"I’m making sure none of my organs are suitable for donation."
During the brief period of time The Chemical Buddha actually was a licensed driver in the great state of California (as has been noted over and over The Chemical Buddha moved to a state of inebriation at a very young age) he turned down the opportunity to 'gift' his organs to someone. (Although there was one organ he was willing to 'give' to the woman at the DMV.) In fact, he slurrily replied with today's insight. We believe this points to The Chemical Buddha's belief that everything should be completely and totally used up. It is the way of the universe. Because nothing lasts forever, why even try and preserve it?
What parts of yourself do you save?
Who/what are you saving it for?
Does the act of saving it create problems or make your life easier?
If it is a special part of yourself that you’re saving, how would you feel if it never got shared or used?
During the brief period of time The Chemical Buddha actually was a licensed driver in the great state of California (as has been noted over and over The Chemical Buddha moved to a state of inebriation at a very young age) he turned down the opportunity to 'gift' his organs to someone. (Although there was one organ he was willing to 'give' to the woman at the DMV.) In fact, he slurrily replied with today's insight. We believe this points to The Chemical Buddha's belief that everything should be completely and totally used up. It is the way of the universe. Because nothing lasts forever, why even try and preserve it?
What parts of yourself do you save?
Who/what are you saving it for?
Does the act of saving it create problems or make your life easier?
If it is a special part of yourself that you’re saving, how would you feel if it never got shared or used?
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Back in the High Life Again
"If you're not high on life, I've got something that'll help."
The Chemical Buddha was all about enjoying the moment. He subscribed to taking life's highlights and making them even higher. In fact, he found, with the right 'state' of mind, even mundane things like doing the dishes could be enjoyable. Although, with all of those pretty bubbles to watch, it might take forever to actually get the dishes clean. TCB was all about taking things to the next level. Including the crushing lows he experienced after coming down from life’s 'highlights.' He reasoned, why be depressed when you could be clinically depressed? As you'll see in the insight from June 22nd, to him, it was important to get the most out of everything.
Do you get the most out of life or do you hold a little bit back?
If so, what prevents you from fully stepping into life?
Do you have highs, lows or just try to keep everything on an even keel?
Do you consider a display of excessive emotion to be 'good' or 'bad'? If so, why?
The Chemical Buddha was all about enjoying the moment. He subscribed to taking life's highlights and making them even higher. In fact, he found, with the right 'state' of mind, even mundane things like doing the dishes could be enjoyable. Although, with all of those pretty bubbles to watch, it might take forever to actually get the dishes clean. TCB was all about taking things to the next level. Including the crushing lows he experienced after coming down from life’s 'highlights.' He reasoned, why be depressed when you could be clinically depressed? As you'll see in the insight from June 22nd, to him, it was important to get the most out of everything.
Do you get the most out of life or do you hold a little bit back?
If so, what prevents you from fully stepping into life?
Do you have highs, lows or just try to keep everything on an even keel?
Do you consider a display of excessive emotion to be 'good' or 'bad'? If so, why?
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I Love the Dark
"Oftentimes, your lover's true beauty can only be found in total darkness. Or, at least, very dim lighting."
The Chemical Buddha always claimed to be a big believer in inner beauty. Of course he was also a believer in 'mood' lighting. We're not sure if that was so his sexual partners weren't repulsed/scared when they saw his bloated, pale body (picture the pallor and consistency of a saltine that has been left in a bowl of water and you get the idea) or if it was because he didn't want to see who he was actually sleeping with (or what he was doing to them). We have our guesses, but no working knowledge of TCB's motives. On the multiple times we saw The Chemical Buddha naked, we wished it was darker than dark. Because, even at an early age, TCB had the ass of a 95-year-old man.
How do you keep yourself and others 'in the dark'?
What's the benefit to you of not knowing/acknowledging things in your life?
What are you afraid you'll see if you turn on the 'harsh light' of reality?
The Chemical Buddha always claimed to be a big believer in inner beauty. Of course he was also a believer in 'mood' lighting. We're not sure if that was so his sexual partners weren't repulsed/scared when they saw his bloated, pale body (picture the pallor and consistency of a saltine that has been left in a bowl of water and you get the idea) or if it was because he didn't want to see who he was actually sleeping with (or what he was doing to them). We have our guesses, but no working knowledge of TCB's motives. On the multiple times we saw The Chemical Buddha naked, we wished it was darker than dark. Because, even at an early age, TCB had the ass of a 95-year-old man.
How do you keep yourself and others 'in the dark'?
What's the benefit to you of not knowing/acknowledging things in your life?
What are you afraid you'll see if you turn on the 'harsh light' of reality?
Friday, June 19, 2009
Fuck Off!
"It's impossible to be mad while you're cumming."
The Chemical Buddha coined this little gem of an insight shortly after he got done hate fucking someone. (His journal didn't mention who.) After he achieved orgasm (which wasn’t that difficult of an achievement) he realized this person that he had been aggravated with, he now actually felt feelings of kindness (and yes, maybe even appreciation). This led him to believe that most pissed off people just needed to get laid. If everyone got their rocks off a little more, there'd be less road rage. Unless someone was on their way to get laid. Then they might be more pissed that some dumb ass was going 10 miles below the speed limit. But in general, he saw sex as a way to accomplish world peace. He thought if we could just get all the world leaders to literally fuck each other things would be less fucked. Of course, TCB failed to see that if someone didn't like the sex they got or felt jilted that could cause even more problems. But The Chemical Buddha was nothing if not a dreamer. Especially in the after glow of an orgasm.
What makes you mad?
What make you happy?
Do you spend most of your life mad or happy? How would you prefer to spend it?
If your life isn't as you want, what would you have to do to get it there?
The Chemical Buddha coined this little gem of an insight shortly after he got done hate fucking someone. (His journal didn't mention who.) After he achieved orgasm (which wasn’t that difficult of an achievement) he realized this person that he had been aggravated with, he now actually felt feelings of kindness (and yes, maybe even appreciation). This led him to believe that most pissed off people just needed to get laid. If everyone got their rocks off a little more, there'd be less road rage. Unless someone was on their way to get laid. Then they might be more pissed that some dumb ass was going 10 miles below the speed limit. But in general, he saw sex as a way to accomplish world peace. He thought if we could just get all the world leaders to literally fuck each other things would be less fucked. Of course, TCB failed to see that if someone didn't like the sex they got or felt jilted that could cause even more problems. But The Chemical Buddha was nothing if not a dreamer. Especially in the after glow of an orgasm.
What makes you mad?
What make you happy?
Do you spend most of your life mad or happy? How would you prefer to spend it?
If your life isn't as you want, what would you have to do to get it there?
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I Declare
"Sex is like pizza. It’s all good, just some is better than others."
The Chemical Buddha was a fan of sex. (I know, I know, it’s hard to believe, but it's true.) He also was a fan of eating. Sometimes choosing between the two depended upon which of them he did last. During his life he realized that he rarely came across, what he considered, bad pizza. Sure. He had his favorite pie from a preferred place. But really, pizza was pizza and he enjoyed it more than a lot of other things he could eat. The same thing applied to sex. As long as he was having some form of sex, he was happy. Sure, there were certain kinds of sexual positions and/or acts that he'd choose over other kinds. But as long as his dick was involved he was happy. And the pursuit of happiness was what he was all about. (The Chemical Buddha actually tried to take credit for the coming up with the pursuit of happiness until someone pointed out it was in the United States Declaration of Independence. However, he deflected that comment by saying that in an earlier incarnation he was the writer of said declaration.)
Do you believe you create your own happiness or that it comes from outside of yourself?
What makes you happy?
What do you do when you’re not happy?
The Chemical Buddha was a fan of sex. (I know, I know, it’s hard to believe, but it's true.) He also was a fan of eating. Sometimes choosing between the two depended upon which of them he did last. During his life he realized that he rarely came across, what he considered, bad pizza. Sure. He had his favorite pie from a preferred place. But really, pizza was pizza and he enjoyed it more than a lot of other things he could eat. The same thing applied to sex. As long as he was having some form of sex, he was happy. Sure, there were certain kinds of sexual positions and/or acts that he'd choose over other kinds. But as long as his dick was involved he was happy. And the pursuit of happiness was what he was all about. (The Chemical Buddha actually tried to take credit for the coming up with the pursuit of happiness until someone pointed out it was in the United States Declaration of Independence. However, he deflected that comment by saying that in an earlier incarnation he was the writer of said declaration.)
Do you believe you create your own happiness or that it comes from outside of yourself?
What makes you happy?
What do you do when you’re not happy?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Truly Truly
"Those unwilling to turn tricks for drug money are unwilling to experience their true self."
Part of each person's path is what they're willing to do to get what they want. The Chemical Buddha saw how some people were only willing to go after things that were easy. Typically, those people ended up living shallow, uninvolved lives filled with mortgage payments and soulless jobs. TCB believed those who were willing to follow their path into dark alleys and urine soaked bathrooms, would one day look in the mirror and not know who they were. It was then the first crack of dealing with harsh reality would bring about a truth unlike anything they had ever experienced. And point them towards their true nature and their true path. But The Chemical Buddha was really high at the time he said this, so who knows if it's actually true or not.
Do you feel in touch with reality?
What is your true nature?
Who do you think you really are?
What about yourself have you faced and what did you learn in that confrontation?
Part of each person's path is what they're willing to do to get what they want. The Chemical Buddha saw how some people were only willing to go after things that were easy. Typically, those people ended up living shallow, uninvolved lives filled with mortgage payments and soulless jobs. TCB believed those who were willing to follow their path into dark alleys and urine soaked bathrooms, would one day look in the mirror and not know who they were. It was then the first crack of dealing with harsh reality would bring about a truth unlike anything they had ever experienced. And point them towards their true nature and their true path. But The Chemical Buddha was really high at the time he said this, so who knows if it's actually true or not.
Do you feel in touch with reality?
What is your true nature?
Who do you think you really are?
What about yourself have you faced and what did you learn in that confrontation?
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Truth Be Told
"The lotus position is best for achieving spiritual orgasm."
Believe it or not, there once was a spiritual teacher who tried to reach The Chemical Buddha. He obviously knew TCB well enough to know he could get his attention my mentioning the word 'orgasm.' In fact, The Chemical Buddha actually tried this to see if it was true. Except he couldn’t do a full lotus. Not even a half lotus. He did what he called a 1/16 lotus. But nothing happened. Nothing. No spiritual orgasm. Just lots of leg pain and his butt went to sleep. So he assumed the teacher must have meant the lotus position was actually some sort of sexual configuration and dedicated the rest of his life to finding it. If he did, it was a secret he took with him to his grave. If he'd only had the internet, he could have Googled, 'sex in the lotus position' and found the answers he was looking for.
Do you seek the truth or just what you want to hear?
To you, is truth and what you want to hear the same thing?
How often do you tell people your truth?
How often do you tell people what you think they want to hear?
Believe it or not, there once was a spiritual teacher who tried to reach The Chemical Buddha. He obviously knew TCB well enough to know he could get his attention my mentioning the word 'orgasm.' In fact, The Chemical Buddha actually tried this to see if it was true. Except he couldn’t do a full lotus. Not even a half lotus. He did what he called a 1/16 lotus. But nothing happened. Nothing. No spiritual orgasm. Just lots of leg pain and his butt went to sleep. So he assumed the teacher must have meant the lotus position was actually some sort of sexual configuration and dedicated the rest of his life to finding it. If he did, it was a secret he took with him to his grave. If he'd only had the internet, he could have Googled, 'sex in the lotus position' and found the answers he was looking for.
Do you seek the truth or just what you want to hear?
To you, is truth and what you want to hear the same thing?
How often do you tell people your truth?
How often do you tell people what you think they want to hear?
Monday, June 15, 2009
Too Poor to Pay Attention
"Am I an Awakened One? Not before Noon."
The Chemical Buddha was often asked if he was truly an awakened one. And truth be told he wasn't always awake. He zoned out, spaced off, or just plain fell asleep all of the time. In fact, when TCB passed away we weren't sure if he had died of just suddenly fallen asleep. Even after death made his bowels and bladder let loose, we weren't sure. (He didn't need to be on the toilet or even close to the bathroom to think it was OK to relieve himself.) Even when he turned blue and got really cold. Only after we opened a beer right next to his ear were we sure he was dead. In fact, if you ever wanted to wake The Chemical Buddha, all that was required was for someone to open a candy bar, or the screw cap on a jug, or spark a lighter and you had his undivided attention.
What parts of your life do you sleep through?
What does it take to get your attention?
What does it take to hold your attention?
The Chemical Buddha was often asked if he was truly an awakened one. And truth be told he wasn't always awake. He zoned out, spaced off, or just plain fell asleep all of the time. In fact, when TCB passed away we weren't sure if he had died of just suddenly fallen asleep. Even after death made his bowels and bladder let loose, we weren't sure. (He didn't need to be on the toilet or even close to the bathroom to think it was OK to relieve himself.) Even when he turned blue and got really cold. Only after we opened a beer right next to his ear were we sure he was dead. In fact, if you ever wanted to wake The Chemical Buddha, all that was required was for someone to open a candy bar, or the screw cap on a jug, or spark a lighter and you had his undivided attention.
What parts of your life do you sleep through?
What does it take to get your attention?
What does it take to hold your attention?
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Become a Part of my Part
"The way to become one with everything is to eat at least one of everything."
Like all Buddhists, The Chemical Buddha believed we were all one. At the most basic, we're all made out of atoms. But TCB combined that thought with the idea that you are what you eat. He thought this was yet another way to feel at one with all things. He believed in this line of thinking so much, he insisted his followers eat at least one of everything. But just to be safe, (and to keep his numbers from dwindling) The Chemical Buddha didn’t ask them to eat deadly or dangerous stuff. In fact, he himself, stuck mostly to the cream and pudding filled forms of everything. Although he did occasionally stray to the chocolate filled.
Have you ever felt a part of something?
If so, when and what was it?
What is 'good' and 'bad' about being a part of something?
Like all Buddhists, The Chemical Buddha believed we were all one. At the most basic, we're all made out of atoms. But TCB combined that thought with the idea that you are what you eat. He thought this was yet another way to feel at one with all things. He believed in this line of thinking so much, he insisted his followers eat at least one of everything. But just to be safe, (and to keep his numbers from dwindling) The Chemical Buddha didn’t ask them to eat deadly or dangerous stuff. In fact, he himself, stuck mostly to the cream and pudding filled forms of everything. Although he did occasionally stray to the chocolate filled.
Have you ever felt a part of something?
If so, when and what was it?
What is 'good' and 'bad' about being a part of something?
Saturday, June 13, 2009
A Drop on the Tongue
"Chemical Buddha Mind is just one hit away."
When students would ask The Chemical Buddha what it was like to experience Chemical Buddha Mind, he would start them out with a one-hitter. That’s because TCB believed getting too much knowledge too quickly could create all sorts of problems. For example, people could zone out or leave their families. Sometimes they sell all of their possessions and buy a bunch of drugs. At the very least, they'd start calling everyone dude and making hemp necklaces, bracelets and anklets in an effort to support their habit. The Chemical Buddha wasn't against any of these results. He just wanted to make sure they were open to suggestion (mainly his) before they went off and did something crazy. Once he could influence them, they could do any crazy ass stuff he told them to. I mean, they could do anything they wanted to.
How open are you to the suggestion of others?
Are you stubborn and follow your own path?
Are you led around by your nose?
Some mix of the two? What is the impact on your life?
When students would ask The Chemical Buddha what it was like to experience Chemical Buddha Mind, he would start them out with a one-hitter. That’s because TCB believed getting too much knowledge too quickly could create all sorts of problems. For example, people could zone out or leave their families. Sometimes they sell all of their possessions and buy a bunch of drugs. At the very least, they'd start calling everyone dude and making hemp necklaces, bracelets and anklets in an effort to support their habit. The Chemical Buddha wasn't against any of these results. He just wanted to make sure they were open to suggestion (mainly his) before they went off and did something crazy. Once he could influence them, they could do any crazy ass stuff he told them to. I mean, they could do anything they wanted to.
How open are you to the suggestion of others?
Are you stubborn and follow your own path?
Are you led around by your nose?
Some mix of the two? What is the impact on your life?
Friday, June 12, 2009
Pussy Control
"Women that are hard to get on are oftentimes hard to get off."
When it came to women, The Chemical Buddha knew even less than the normal male. But one thing he was pretty certain about was this: Women who he had trouble having sex with, usually were hard to bring to orgasm (let's be honest, The Chemical Buddha never brought any woman to orgasm, but he was pretty sure they would be even harder to please). On the other hand, the woman that actually like sex were easier to get breathing heavy. (Again, they never orgasmed, but they weren't against finishing the job themselves. Unlike their prudish counterparts who seemed almost afraid of their own vagina. Hell, if The Chemical Buddha has his own vagina, he would touch it all the time.) And there's no telling what he would have tried to jam into it either. It's probably a good thing women are in charge of all the vaginas.
Do you see your life as under control or out of control?
How do you control situations and your life?
What is the effect of too much control and/or too little control in your life?
When it came to women, The Chemical Buddha knew even less than the normal male. But one thing he was pretty certain about was this: Women who he had trouble having sex with, usually were hard to bring to orgasm (let's be honest, The Chemical Buddha never brought any woman to orgasm, but he was pretty sure they would be even harder to please). On the other hand, the woman that actually like sex were easier to get breathing heavy. (Again, they never orgasmed, but they weren't against finishing the job themselves. Unlike their prudish counterparts who seemed almost afraid of their own vagina. Hell, if The Chemical Buddha has his own vagina, he would touch it all the time.) And there's no telling what he would have tried to jam into it either. It's probably a good thing women are in charge of all the vaginas.
Do you see your life as under control or out of control?
How do you control situations and your life?
What is the effect of too much control and/or too little control in your life?
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Dry Spell
"A day without sex is like a day of being married."
So it's pretty obvious The Chemical Buddha was never married. We actually think no woman ever even hinted around and or tried to get knocked up by him so he might feel obligated to get married. But he'd heard his friends complain enough about the lack of sex, that he figured he never would get married. TCB thought it was one thing to not get laid by the multitudes of women out there. And something else entirely to not get laid by the woman who you spent all your time around. It just didn't make sense to him. He'd rather start out the day knowing he wasn't going to get laid, instead of starting out the day thinking he was going to get laid, only to find out he wasn't.
Do you have high or low expectations?
How often are you disappointed in your life?
Are you a dreamer or do you think having a dreams is stupid?
How do you manage your hopes and dreams?
So it's pretty obvious The Chemical Buddha was never married. We actually think no woman ever even hinted around and or tried to get knocked up by him so he might feel obligated to get married. But he'd heard his friends complain enough about the lack of sex, that he figured he never would get married. TCB thought it was one thing to not get laid by the multitudes of women out there. And something else entirely to not get laid by the woman who you spent all your time around. It just didn't make sense to him. He'd rather start out the day knowing he wasn't going to get laid, instead of starting out the day thinking he was going to get laid, only to find out he wasn't.
Do you have high or low expectations?
How often are you disappointed in your life?
Are you a dreamer or do you think having a dreams is stupid?
How do you manage your hopes and dreams?
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
If it Weren't for Bad Luck...
"The path to enlightenment includes several bad trips."
Like a lot of spiritual teachers before him, while The Chemical Buddha walked his path to enlightenment, he encountered some pitfalls. (That was mainly because he took some stuff that didn't agree with him.) And because of that he was unable to keep up with his enlightenment regimen. By our estimation, that means The Chemical Buddha attained enlightenment, 3 days, 5 hours, 56 minutes and 3 seconds later than he would have without wasting time on bad trips. Of course, there's no telling how many insights we wouldn't have gotten if he didn't wander off his path. So his loss was ultimately, our gain.
Do you see life as a series of problems or chances to learn?
Do you think things happen for a reason or happen at random?
What big lessons have your learned form things that seems like accidents/'bad' luck while it was going on?
Like a lot of spiritual teachers before him, while The Chemical Buddha walked his path to enlightenment, he encountered some pitfalls. (That was mainly because he took some stuff that didn't agree with him.) And because of that he was unable to keep up with his enlightenment regimen. By our estimation, that means The Chemical Buddha attained enlightenment, 3 days, 5 hours, 56 minutes and 3 seconds later than he would have without wasting time on bad trips. Of course, there's no telling how many insights we wouldn't have gotten if he didn't wander off his path. So his loss was ultimately, our gain.
Do you see life as a series of problems or chances to learn?
Do you think things happen for a reason or happen at random?
What big lessons have your learned form things that seems like accidents/'bad' luck while it was going on?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Pssst. Hey Kid.
"Oxytocin is the original gateway drug."
The Chemical Buddha heard a lot about gateway drugs that were supposed to lead to harder and harder drugs and a life of hardship and addiction. However, TCB thought this was nothing more than a clever smokescreen by people who didn't want teens and kids to know the true source of their craving for connection: oxytocin. Before you Google oxytocin we'll tell you what it is (just in case Google disagrees with us). Oxytocin is the chemical that is released during skin to skin contact. And as psychological research has shown, baby monkeys will forego food for touch. I’m not sure, but that seems like a pretty big indication that oxytocin is an addictive drug. It was this line of thinking that lead The Chemical Buddha to debunk the myth that marijuana would open anyone to anything. We're born addicts.
What do you crave?
What has the impact of that craving had on your life? Would you define it as 'good' or 'bad'?
The Chemical Buddha heard a lot about gateway drugs that were supposed to lead to harder and harder drugs and a life of hardship and addiction. However, TCB thought this was nothing more than a clever smokescreen by people who didn't want teens and kids to know the true source of their craving for connection: oxytocin. Before you Google oxytocin we'll tell you what it is (just in case Google disagrees with us). Oxytocin is the chemical that is released during skin to skin contact. And as psychological research has shown, baby monkeys will forego food for touch. I’m not sure, but that seems like a pretty big indication that oxytocin is an addictive drug. It was this line of thinking that lead The Chemical Buddha to debunk the myth that marijuana would open anyone to anything. We're born addicts.
What do you crave?
What has the impact of that craving had on your life? Would you define it as 'good' or 'bad'?
Monday, June 8, 2009
Harem
"Polygamy is a stupid idea. Who the hell wants one wife, let alone several?"
The Chemical Buddha was a lifelong bachelor. (That’s what happens when you die at 25). So he was obviously against the idea of having any type of wife at all. In fact, he was against the idea of any woman staying more than a night and felt much more comfortable if they just left before dawn (after cleaning his house of course). So the idea of multiple wives seemed idiotic to him. He was all for multiple partners and having group sex. He just didn’t want to be responsible for and/or to any of them. To be honest, he didn't like being responsible for/or to himself either. The only thing The Chemical Buddha was willing to be married to was his addiction, desires and whims. Because he could change those at any moment.
Who are you responsible for? Who are you responsible to?
How do you feel about the idea of responsibility?
Where in your life do you need to be more responsible? Where in your life do you need to be irresponsible?
The Chemical Buddha was a lifelong bachelor. (That’s what happens when you die at 25). So he was obviously against the idea of having any type of wife at all. In fact, he was against the idea of any woman staying more than a night and felt much more comfortable if they just left before dawn (after cleaning his house of course). So the idea of multiple wives seemed idiotic to him. He was all for multiple partners and having group sex. He just didn’t want to be responsible for and/or to any of them. To be honest, he didn't like being responsible for/or to himself either. The only thing The Chemical Buddha was willing to be married to was his addiction, desires and whims. Because he could change those at any moment.
Who are you responsible for? Who are you responsible to?
How do you feel about the idea of responsibility?
Where in your life do you need to be more responsible? Where in your life do you need to be irresponsible?
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Guilt This!
"Guilt is what someone else thinks you should have done."
As we've discussed several times over, The Chemical Buddha had no use for guilt. He always did what he thought was right at the time. Just because someone disagreed with his choices was no reason to feel bad about it. In general, he found the people who tried to make him feel guilty about something usually lived boring lives where they were scared of their own shadows. And then felt guilty about being scared. TCB knew he only got this one life (and if he came back, it would be as some lowly slug or something. Especially after the life he'd lived.) so why feel guilty about living it?
What do you regret about your life?
Do you feel guilty about stuff you do or feel like you should feel guilty or both?
Do you think there are things people shouldn't do?
If so, what?
As we've discussed several times over, The Chemical Buddha had no use for guilt. He always did what he thought was right at the time. Just because someone disagreed with his choices was no reason to feel bad about it. In general, he found the people who tried to make him feel guilty about something usually lived boring lives where they were scared of their own shadows. And then felt guilty about being scared. TCB knew he only got this one life (and if he came back, it would be as some lowly slug or something. Especially after the life he'd lived.) so why feel guilty about living it?
What do you regret about your life?
Do you feel guilty about stuff you do or feel like you should feel guilty or both?
Do you think there are things people shouldn't do?
If so, what?
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Pass the Past
"An unexamined life is bliss."
Once the Chemical Buddha set out on his path of self-examination (which took some really big mirrors) and enlightenment, he arrived at today’s insight. And believe us, once he figured that out, he wondered why he went that direction in the first place. He figured if one never looked at their lives they wouldn't experience things like loss, guilt or regret. It was realizing what could have been and opportunities missed that led to that pain. We can’t tell you how many times TCB told us the story of how much he regretted not eating the roach of one particularly potent spliff he smoked. Legend has it, he regretted that for the rest of his life.
If anything, what do you regret about your past?
What can you do differently to live without regret?
What stories do you tell that others are tired of hearing and why do you tell them?
What from your past do you need to let go of?
Once the Chemical Buddha set out on his path of self-examination (which took some really big mirrors) and enlightenment, he arrived at today’s insight. And believe us, once he figured that out, he wondered why he went that direction in the first place. He figured if one never looked at their lives they wouldn't experience things like loss, guilt or regret. It was realizing what could have been and opportunities missed that led to that pain. We can’t tell you how many times TCB told us the story of how much he regretted not eating the roach of one particularly potent spliff he smoked. Legend has it, he regretted that for the rest of his life.
If anything, what do you regret about your past?
What can you do differently to live without regret?
What stories do you tell that others are tired of hearing and why do you tell them?
What from your past do you need to let go of?
Friday, June 5, 2009
I Luuhuv You! On Second Thought.
"Only date people you like after you orgasm."
This insight, when coupled with the writings from March 24th ("Everyone’s in love right before they orgasm.") sum up The Chemical Buddha's philosophy on relationships. Everything is good until the orgasm. Then, it takes a special woman to do anything with afterward. Of course, it took a special woman to even get into bed (or the back seat of the car, or in the bean bag chair, or on top of the table) with TCB in the first place, but that's another story that you will probably never read about in these pages. Although there have been several tell-all phrases/sentences in a couple of blogs about TCB. And while his insight might be cold and a little heartless, I think the lesson of making sure you like someone in every situation is valid. Which is why TCB died a single man.
Are you deliberate in your planning or do you just jump?
How often are you excited when you get something only to have second thoughts?
When you have second thoughts do you believe you can change your mind? Why or why not?
This insight, when coupled with the writings from March 24th ("Everyone’s in love right before they orgasm.") sum up The Chemical Buddha's philosophy on relationships. Everything is good until the orgasm. Then, it takes a special woman to do anything with afterward. Of course, it took a special woman to even get into bed (or the back seat of the car, or in the bean bag chair, or on top of the table) with TCB in the first place, but that's another story that you will probably never read about in these pages. Although there have been several tell-all phrases/sentences in a couple of blogs about TCB. And while his insight might be cold and a little heartless, I think the lesson of making sure you like someone in every situation is valid. Which is why TCB died a single man.
Are you deliberate in your planning or do you just jump?
How often are you excited when you get something only to have second thoughts?
When you have second thoughts do you believe you can change your mind? Why or why not?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Have Some
"It's easier to name the few women I wouldn't sleep with, than all the ones I would."
The Chemical Buddha was a pretty simple man. And he valued ease and simplicity over difficulty and complexity. As a simple man, TCB often found more 'right' with the world than he found things that were 'wrong' with the world. For instance, he could list more street drugs he would take than drugs he wouldn't. Or more types of junk food he would eat, than types that he wouldn't. This way of viewing the world also applied to women he wanted to sleep with. In fact, during his entire life he could probably count on one hand the number of women he wouldn't have sex with. And even then, if he had ingested the right 'persuaders' even those might not be safe from his wanton desires.
Do you view the world as mostly OK? Or mostly fucked up?
In general, are you more accepting of everything or more critical of everything?
The Chemical Buddha was a pretty simple man. And he valued ease and simplicity over difficulty and complexity. As a simple man, TCB often found more 'right' with the world than he found things that were 'wrong' with the world. For instance, he could list more street drugs he would take than drugs he wouldn't. Or more types of junk food he would eat, than types that he wouldn't. This way of viewing the world also applied to women he wanted to sleep with. In fact, during his entire life he could probably count on one hand the number of women he wouldn't have sex with. And even then, if he had ingested the right 'persuaders' even those might not be safe from his wanton desires.
Do you view the world as mostly OK? Or mostly fucked up?
In general, are you more accepting of everything or more critical of everything?
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Inhale Deeply. Hold. Exhale. Fly.
"Life is like pot smoke. It can make you cough and choke or it can make you high."
The Chemical Buddha was known to partake in some of the 'herb' from time to time. (And by time to time we mean every waking moment.) But he noticed his enjoyment of cannabis (as it was known in Latin circles) depended on the quality. Some of it made him choke and cough incessantly. While other times his experience was smooth and instantly intoxicating. In one of his better baked moments, TCB made the connection between life and pot. Depending upon the quality of one's life it could also move in fits and starts leaving one disappointed. Or it could be smooth and wondrously fun. When it came to the quality of his pot, TCB just found a better dealer. Which, not so strangely enough, was what he did when it came to the quality of his life.
How would you describe the quality of your life?
What do you do when life isn’t going as you planned?
If it’s not going as you like, what can you do to get it moving in the right direction?
The Chemical Buddha was known to partake in some of the 'herb' from time to time. (And by time to time we mean every waking moment.) But he noticed his enjoyment of cannabis (as it was known in Latin circles) depended on the quality. Some of it made him choke and cough incessantly. While other times his experience was smooth and instantly intoxicating. In one of his better baked moments, TCB made the connection between life and pot. Depending upon the quality of one's life it could also move in fits and starts leaving one disappointed. Or it could be smooth and wondrously fun. When it came to the quality of his pot, TCB just found a better dealer. Which, not so strangely enough, was what he did when it came to the quality of his life.
How would you describe the quality of your life?
What do you do when life isn’t going as you planned?
If it’s not going as you like, what can you do to get it moving in the right direction?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The Bad Side of Feeling Good
"You'll never have to buy a drink if you occasionally put a dick in your mouth."
There were times The Chemical Buddha cared a lot more about getting a drink than he did about his self-respect. So he would happily abandon his dignity to get what he wanted. Including sucking dick, letting someone pee on him, being punched, eating dog shit and a lot of other disgusting things the human brain can come up with to humiliate another person. He did it all just for one drink, toke or Twinkie. And we’re sure there wasn’t one time he felt 'bad.' To his way of thinking, the people who got enjoyment out of making him do demeaning things were the ones who should feel 'bad' about themselves. There’s no word whether they did or not. Although, years later, several videos of TCB's antics showed up on YouTube. So we’re guessing it didn’t bother them at all.
What have you given up to achieve what you want?
Do you miss it or do you think it was worth the price?
What are you prepared to give up to get what you want?
There were times The Chemical Buddha cared a lot more about getting a drink than he did about his self-respect. So he would happily abandon his dignity to get what he wanted. Including sucking dick, letting someone pee on him, being punched, eating dog shit and a lot of other disgusting things the human brain can come up with to humiliate another person. He did it all just for one drink, toke or Twinkie. And we’re sure there wasn’t one time he felt 'bad.' To his way of thinking, the people who got enjoyment out of making him do demeaning things were the ones who should feel 'bad' about themselves. There’s no word whether they did or not. Although, years later, several videos of TCB's antics showed up on YouTube. So we’re guessing it didn’t bother them at all.
What have you given up to achieve what you want?
Do you miss it or do you think it was worth the price?
What are you prepared to give up to get what you want?
Monday, June 1, 2009
Honestly
“If you want to know what life is all about, ask a kid.”
Kids bring so much honesty to the table. They still haven’t figured out what is and is not socially acceptable to say to someone else. And their views of the world are pretty simple. However, it confused The Chemical Buddha when parents would tell their kids, "Honesty is the best policy," but then chastised them for giving someone their honest opinion like, "You’re ugly" or "You smell." It only served to remind TCB of one of his favorite Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy. To paraphrase, it went something like this: "The face of a child says so much. Particularly the mouth part of the face." There was a time that TCB liked the blunt directness children dished out. Until it started to hurt his feelings. So what if it was true, it still hurt. That’s why TCB preferred to talk with adults who were afraid to be direct.
Are you honest with yourself? What do you not admit to yourself?
Are you honest with others? What do you not tell other people?
How might being honest with yourself and others impact your life?
Kids bring so much honesty to the table. They still haven’t figured out what is and is not socially acceptable to say to someone else. And their views of the world are pretty simple. However, it confused The Chemical Buddha when parents would tell their kids, "Honesty is the best policy," but then chastised them for giving someone their honest opinion like, "You’re ugly" or "You smell." It only served to remind TCB of one of his favorite Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy. To paraphrase, it went something like this: "The face of a child says so much. Particularly the mouth part of the face." There was a time that TCB liked the blunt directness children dished out. Until it started to hurt his feelings. So what if it was true, it still hurt. That’s why TCB preferred to talk with adults who were afraid to be direct.
Are you honest with yourself? What do you not admit to yourself?
Are you honest with others? What do you not tell other people?
How might being honest with yourself and others impact your life?
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