Fuck you all

"How come when my girlfriend doesn’t want to fuck me, she doesn’t want me to fuck anyone else either?"
There was a very brief moment in time when The Chemical Buddha was actually paired up with someone. (Like most of TCB's interactions, his appetites doomed their relationship.) But out of it, came today's insight. The Chemical Buddha was never able to resolve the conflict of what to do when you want something but the other person doesn't want to give it to you. At this same time, The Chemical Buddha also discovered there were laws against taking what you want from someone. Really, really harsh laws. Today's insight only heightened TCB's interest in hookers. It's rumored he had a 'relationship' with several. But we're sure it was strictly monetary.
How do you react when people don't give you what you want?
How do you feel not giving people what they want?
Is it OK for other people to tell you 'no'? Is it OK for you to tell people 'no'?

Karma Kash

"Salvation doesn't come cheap. Which is why I offer payment plans."
Everyone always talks about wanting to be saved. They seemed worried about what was after this life and concerned that their actions here might have an impact on whatever comes next. The Chemical Buddha thought everyone should put their energy into living a life where they didn't have to worry about 'heaven' or the 'afterlife'. TCB's plan was to deal with life as it happened. No need to worry about the end. You might miss what's happening now. Of course, none of that prevented him from taking advantage of people's fear and charging them for salvation. Or, as he called it, 'possible salvation'. That way, if there was an afterlife people couldn't be too pissed at him for not reading the fine print of his offer.
Are you proud of the life you lead?
What secrets from your past do you worry about people uncovering?
How much time do you spend thinking about the past and the future?
How much time to you spend thinking about the present?

This Bud's For You

"You can’t spell Buddha without 'bud'."
It’s hard to describe how excited The Chemical Buddha was when he came to this realization. It was as if the universe was confirming he was on the right path. For a brief period of time he started calling him self The Chemical Bud-ha. But everyone just thought he had a speech impediment and made fun of him. So he resorted to just telling this insight to everyone. He even went so far as to put it on his business cards. (Which he mostly put in fishbowls at restaurants to try and win a free meal. But he couldn't even manage to do that. Even if his card was the only one in the fish bowl.) There are no known reports on what he thought the universe was trying to tell him when that happened.
Do you believe in destiny?
If so, do you try to find things to justify what happened or what you did?
How do you think you got to where you are in your life?
Was it by accident? Was it planned? Or was it some combination of both?

VHS or Betamax?

"Porn is foreplay."
It didn't take much to give The Chemical Buddha the urge to merge (as he liked to call it). A stiff breeze. The hint of a panty line. Graphic shots of penetration. A deep breath. The smell of bacon. While he knew what turned his crank he had no idea what put other people in the mood. Of course, he did have some success with getting them drunk to the point of unconsciousness. His fallback, with no documented successes to encourage him, was porn. Whether it was images, figurines, stick figures or video. He would leave it around hoping someone would get turned on and want to fuck him. But believe it or not, there were plenty of people who would get turned on, but not all of them had any desire to have sex with TCB. Which would ultimately lead him back to the insight from July 27th.
How often do you do things you don't want to do?
How often do you ask other people to do things they don't want to do?
What puts you in the mood?

Choices

"Meditate or masturbate?"
Today's insight was part of the eternal question. Or, at least it was part of The Chemical Buddha's eternal question. Once he discovered the peace and serenity masturbation gave him, he no longer asked the question. Plus, he could do it all by himself. No more rejection or the expense of getting someone else drunk/high. Really, TCB wasn't sure why anyone would choose meditation over masturbation. Of course he wasn't sure why people choose a lot of the things they did. He assumed it was because it made them happy or gave them some sense of comfort.
Do you 'like' having people around or do you 'need' to have people around you?
What 'bad' choices do you make over and over?
What do you get out of these 'bad' choices?

Like a Rolling Stone

"The hunger for your true self comes with a serious case of the munchies."
Contrary to popular belief, The Chemical Buddha wasn't always overweight. In fact, he was once quite trim. That was before he started smoking a lot of pot and drinking a lot of beer searching for his inner seeker. His journey also set him on a quest to try every type of junk food. He especially liked mixing his sugary snacks with his salty snacks. Today's research shows that you eat more when you alternate between the two. But if you eat just one, you'll eventually satisfy that part of your brain and stop eating. However, The Chemical Buddha was constantly looking for satisfaction. Or, as The Stones said, "I can’t get no satisfaction." The Chemical Buddha was pretty sure they wrote the song about him. Even though it was written 15 years before he was born. He believed it foretold of his coming. He saw The Stones as prophets.
How easy are you to satisfy? Or are you always looking for something better?
Do you alternate between things that seem like opposites? If so, how does that work in your life?

Offensive

"Sex is best left to the professionals."
A few earlier insights delve into how The Chemical Buddha felt about girls who were in the flesh trade. So it should come as no surprise that he thought they were well worth the money. Few complaints. No commitments. And they would do whatever he wanted them to do. Although you know you've accomplished something when you can offend a hooker. And believe us, there were a few times The Chemical Buddha managed to pull off that feat. Of course, it might have just been he couldn't come up with enough money to make it worth their time. Even hookers are unwilling to do some jobs if the money isn't right. The same can't be said for everyone.
Are you easily offended or hard to offend?
What typically sets you off?
How often do you offend people? What do you risk by offending people more (or less)?

Fucking Polluted

"Although you can't step into the same stream twice, you can pollute the hell out of it and kill everything in it."
This insight came from the time The Chemical Buddha was an environmental activist. He really just did it for the chicks and once they all rejected him, he moved on. Besides, all the environment-killing capitalists had all of the booze and their women were hot and had daddy issues. So they would just fuck TCB to get back at their dads. It was a win-win-win for The Chemical Buddha. But, for a brief period of time, he was appalled at the environmental degradation he witnessed. Luckily, he never drew the parallel between what was being done to the world around him and what he was doing to his body. But then, he always had a selective attention span.
What do you choose not to notice?
How involved are you in your life? Do you actively live it or passively live it?

Sorry Shit

"I'm the prophet of profit."
Say what you will about The Chemical Buddha, he had a way of putting things that was so blunt and honest that it was almost endearing. Although a little more tact (or at least knowing when to try to be tactful) might have helped him. When someone told him to say he was sorry, he replied, "Fuck no I’m not saying I’m sorry." Or, "Why would I? I did it on purpose." Unfortunately, that was in front of the cops who had been called because he 'accidentally' hit someone in the head with a rock. Luckily, he was a teenager, so he only had to spend a little bit of time at juve'. It was there that he learned how to do some really serious shit.
How often do you tell the truth?
How often do your words hurt people's feelings?
How often do you apologize for something you actually did on purpose?

Fucking fun

"The best things in life cause STDs."
There are multiple sex related insights from The Chemical Buddha. (We're going to hazard a guess and say about 99.9% of TCB's waking time was spent thinking about sex, making jokes about sex or trying to get someone to have sex with him.) This one was used whenever a recent sexual partner complained about contracting an STD from TCB. (There's some nice symmetry.) Although they would often reply (sometimes at the top of their lungs) that sex with him wasn't even in the top 1 million of life's best things. But that didn't deter him from believing it was all worth it. In fact, he would readily admit that he was the best he had ever had. But that might have been because he could only clearly remember having sex with himself.
What are you favorite things about life?
How much time do you spend doing them?
How much time do you spend doing things you don't enjoy?
What could you do to enjoy yourself more of the time?

Hitting the Pipe

"My monks are meth heads. My nuns are crack whores. My monasteries are drug houses."
The Chemical Buddha had a pretty realistic understanding of who his followers were: people who were willing to strip away everything to see what remained. They were not distracted by the material trappings of life and did not strive to have the new car or big house. (Unless, they needed to raise cash. Then they wanted it so they could sell it for drugs.) In general, he found them to have a simple view of life with basic priorities like food, shelter and toilet paper. And while most of society shunned his followers, TCB welcomed them with open arms (as long as he didn't have anything of value on his person).
Who do you dismiss based on their appearance?
What judgments do you have about people who are different then you?
Would you describe most of your friends as similar to you or different than you?

Macho Man

"Although today's a good day to die, I'd rather not."
The Chemical Buddha lived his life like he could die at any moment. So he wanted to get the most out of every moment. One of his mantras was, "Today is a good day to die." We’re not sure but he probably heard it in some war movie or something. Generally, when he said it, it was when he was trying to be macho. Like just before he did a shot of tequila, or plunged a syringe of heroin into his arm. There were a few times he had to be rushed to the hospital with an overdose (or alcohol poisoning). When he came to, he would yell, "Why the fuck did you let me do that!?! Are you trying to kill me or something? Shit! Motherfucker!" We're sure the last two words were just because TCB liked to cuss so he'd seem all macho and shit.
What do you do to make it seem like you don't care?
When you're afraid, what do you do to act like you're not?
What do you like about your life?
What don't you like?

Believe it!

"The reason God and religion make sense to us is because we invented them."
The Chemical Buddha thought that the human brain could make the craziest things make sense. In fact, the more far-fetched it seemed the more people seemed to believe it. For whatever reason, people seemed to think that was much easier than accepting the simple truth. He was sure it was because people didn't want to accept the truth or because to think that this was all there was would depress the hell out of them. TCB knew that if he thought too long on it, he would get a sinking feeling in his stomach which he would fill with alcohol and Twinkies. Or, better yet, alcohol filled Twinkies.
What are your core beliefs?
How did you form them? Were they things you thought up or did you adopt the beliefs of others?
What do you believe to be true? And is it true or do you just believe it to be true?

Full of Life

"Life is a drinking game."
The Chemical Buddha said a lot of things that he thought were clever. However, this might be one of the very few things he said that other people actually thought was clever too. (It also worked as a good excuse to be drunk all of the time.) TCB used this insight to remind himself not to take life too seriously. He thought life was a game where you figured out how to win as you went along. (By win, TCB meant getting what you wanted out of life.) He noticed that everyone operated under a different set of rules. But, for whatever reason, drinking seemed to help people forget the rules they learned and just go for what they wanted to do.
Do you think life has 'rules'?
If so, what 'rules' do you follow?
What 'rules' do you want others to follow?
Do you think there are 'rules' that apply only to you? And ones that apply only to others?
If so, what are they?

Ever Fucked a Buddha?

"I’m just into enlightenment for the chicks."
The Chemical Buddha didn't believe people were ever completely selfless. There was always a reason for everything they did. They donated money to show people they were rich or to feel good about themselves. Men opened doors for women so they could look as their ass when they walked by. There was always a motive. And he was no exception. While he initially got into enlightenment for the selfish reason of becoming enlightened, he eventually came to think he could also get laid out of the deal (not to mention free drugs and junk food). Did he get more pussy, drugs and Twinkies then he would have if he hadn't been an enlightened being? Luckily, we'll never know because he chose to think only of himself and walk the path to enlightenment.
Why do you do what you do?
What do you get out of it?
If you were honest with yourself, what is the real reason you do what you do?

High There

"High on pure ego."
The Chemical Buddha felt the best during those brief moments when he actually loved himself. He felt better than he could on any type of drug. Don't get us wrong. He felt really, really good when he was high/drunk but when he was mainlining pure ego, everything just seemed to flow. People loved him and he loved himself. I think it's safe to say, judging by his behavior; The Chemical Buddha didn't feel good about himself very often. Because, when that happened he would try and prop his fragile ego up by buying shit he couldn't afford, eating when he wasn't really hungry and doing drugs pretty much every waking moment of his life. In fact, we're sure if he had been more of an egomaniac he probably wouldn't have been The Chemical Buddha we know and love.
When do you feel 'good' about yourself?
When do you feel 'bad' about yourself?
What do you do to try and prolong feeling 'good'?
What do you do to try and not feel 'bad'?

God = Dog

"I appreciate any religion that uses drugs during its ceremonies."
One of the things that The Chemical Buddha appreciated about most major religions is they all had some way for people to get fucked up/feel different. (He would have said all religions, but quite frankly he wasn't very familiar with Buddhism, let alone any other religion.) TCB found it funny that for humans to have a 'spiritual' experience, they had to feel different than human. This made him wonder if animals (since they weren't human) felt a spiritual connection we didn't. Then he noticed that dog was god spelled backwards. Coincidence? He didn't think so. Which is why he always prayed to dog god.
Do you believe in only what you see or do you think there is more?
What is your relationship to the people and things around you?
Do you look at the world with a sense of awe and appreciation or as something to be navigated through?

Whip it Good

"Lawyers are paid so well because no one would do it for free."
As much as The Chemical Buddha was a hippie liberal, he also believed the price of something had nothing to do with the thing itself, but what people thought this 'thing' was worth. If he wanted to get high, he would pay practically anything for a joint. But if he was already stoned, he could care less and the joint had a lot less value. He tried to convince people that he was worth what he charged because no one else could offer his combination of enlightened insight and working knowledge of drug interactions. He was a specialist dammit! However, some professions, had high salaries because, 1) not everyone could do it and 2) no one else wanted to do it. For example, lots of people want to be musicians, actors, and artists. So those jobs pay shit in the beginning. And anyone could flip burgers, pick up trash, and dig ditches. So again, low pay. But some one who was smart enough to fuck people over and actually enjoyed doing it? Now there was a job that was hard to fill. So there will always be a shortage of good lawyers and dominatrixes.
Make a list of all of your special skills. What do you love doing so much you would do it for free?
What would you only do for an obscene amount of money?

Holland Tunnel Ahead

"Some are born into greatness. Others have greatness thrust into them."
The Chemical Buddha always had in his mind that he was destined for greatness. We're not exactly sure where this thought came from because none of his peers, friends or family members were into promoting high self-esteem. They were more concerned with TCB not being to uppity. However, we do know after several stints in various jails he came up with today's insight. Up until his final days (and possibly after that) he believed he could achieve anything he wanted. He knew he could accommodate a wide variety of widths and lengths in his ass. Hmmm. Two days. Two anal sex references. We're sure it's just a coincidence. Or, this is just a shitty time of the year.
Do you believe in destiny?
If so, what do you believe your destiny is?
Do you believe in free will?
If so, what choices do you need to make to live the life you want to live?

Holes of Glory

"I consider myself both buy-sexual and try-sexual."
People would occasionally try to guess The Chemical Buddha's sexual orientation. (Sometimes, thanks to his ample bosoms, they'd even try and guess his sex.) First, TCB couldn't figure out why it mattered to them. He was in favor of any combination that had the word sex in it. Heterosexual, homosexual, buy-sexual, try-sexual. Whatever. As long as he was having an orgasm, he didn't care how he got there. Sure, he had preferences, but TCB, wasn't willing to restrict who and how he would get his pleasure. Plus, he was usually highly 'enhanced'. One time he thought he'd been in a threesome with a dragon and a unicorn. (Although we never found a unicorn, let alone one whose horn smelled like TCB's ass.)
How do you define yourself? How do you think people define you?
Do you feel like you're a person who's open to possibilities or are you someone who only likes a few things?

Running on Empty

"Alcoholics never have alcohol."
Today's insight was something The Chemical Buddha experienced in his early childhood. While his parents were drug addicts and drunks, within 45 minutes of them getting home from the liquor store (or dealer), everything was gone. They drank whatever they had. While his mother was a sex addict, outside of TCB's dad she never had sex with the same person twice. As a result, The Chemical Buddha was a 'use it till it’s gone' sort of guy. Believe us, you couldn't show up at his house expecting to find anything to drink, smoke or eat. Even if you brought your own stuff with you, he would quickly use whatever was within arm's reach. One time, while I was using the bathroom, he even drank the rest of my beer.
What is your philosophy? Do you save for a rainy day? Use what you have? Or does it depend upon what it is?
What do you save? What do you use up?

Who Wants Tea?

"Breathing makes me horny."
Quite frankly there weren't many things that didn't make The Chemical Buddha horny. Except orgasms. But orgasms were the only thing that didn't. And really, even that didn't keep him from being horny for very long. He attributed his horndoggedness to his literal love of life. In fact, he said he loved life so much he wanted to cum all over the face of life. (And believe us when we say, he tried to cum on a lot of faces. With varying degrees of success.) Of course, he called it spreading his chi, or life energy. Not that you have to worry about it, but this thinking did completely change this writer’s concept of chai tea. Or, as TCB called it chi tea. (Yes, we know chi, chai are not the same thing, but The Chemical Buddha didn't notice. Or if he did, he didn't care.) It was waaay saltier than I expected.
What do you love about life?
Do you fully invest yourself in your life or do you hold back?
If you invest in life, what do you invest in?
If you're holding back, what are you saving it for?

Doing Life

"Most men do whoever will do them."
The Chemical Buddha recognized men had primal needs. Where the desire for orgasmic release could become all consuming. (Just so you know, the concept that women liked to get laid too took a little bit for him to get his head around. But he gradually came to accept and appreciate it.) This primal need was one of the biggest obstacles everyone had to over come. Which is why several of his other insights dealt with going ugly early, etc. Because TCB wasn't against the orgasm per say, but more the constant pursuit of a sexual partner. That’s why he promoted the use of hookers, massage parlors offering happy endings and masturbation. TCB thought this allowed for the orgasm to be achieved when wanted and needed. He thought it was important to choose the time, rather than the other way around. (But we're not exactly sure what the hell he meant by that.)
Do you choose how your life goes or do you listen to other people?
Do you think you're powerless over you life or that you have a say?
Is life 'doing you' or are you 'doing life'? (If you're in prison and reading this, your answer may vary depending on your sentence.)

Ugly Truth

"No one is ugly with my dick in their mouth."
The Chemical Buddha knew that beauty was only skin deep. (Although he was interested in penetrating someone's skin as many times as possible.) TCB believed we all found certain types of people attractive for very specific reasons. And while today's insight may at first seem cruel, to The Chemical Buddha he believed it spoke more to the transitory nature of beauty and helped redefine the idea of 'inner beauty.' (Which he sometimes called in-her beauty. When he said that, he thought he was being pretty clever. And we have to admit it would be clever. For an eight-year-old.) Of course TCB was also a fan of the joke: "What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut is someone who sleeps with everyone. A bitch is someone who sleeps with everyone but you." More evidence of the transitory nature of acceptability, desire, and beauty?
What do you find attractive?
Has your opinion of what you like changed over the years or stayed the same? If it's changed, how has it changed?
How long does it take for you to become tired of people?

Yawn

"Addicted to ego."
In the beginning, most of what drove The Chemical Buddha was his ego. His ego always wanted the next new, shiny thing. The next delicious treat. He always wanted to see a new woman naked. But as he simplified his life down to Twinkies, pot, and sex (he would always want to see someone new naked). His ego had less of an impact on his life. Of course his life was really, really, boring and even we don't have much to say about this time.
What part of your life are you constantly changing? Why do you think it needs to change?
How much of your life do you spend 'bored'?
What excites you about your life?

Ready? Fire! Aim!

"Mankind's worst affliction is erectile dysfunction combined with premature ejaculation. Once you get it up, it goes off."
While there may be many ills that mankind suffers: cancer, starvation, malaria, liquor sales that close, etc. To The Chemical Buddha, he couldn't imagine anything worse than today's insight. It would take hours of cajoling, pep talks, and watching porn to have sexual enjoyment. Only to have it be over in seconds. Don't get us wrong, TCB was all for hours of porn watching, but he considered that research. Thanks to advancements in medical technology, half of this problem has been solved with the advent of various ED pills. However, getting it up was hardly TCB's problem. The gun going off while he was still taking it out of the holster was.
Do you look forward to the next moment or do you enjoy the one you're in?
Do you labor over choices or do you go with your gut?
What would your ideal decision process and life enjoyment look like?

Fuck You Money

"Nothing is as sexy as money."
While this might seem to be in direct contrast to the insight from July 4th, The Chemical Buddha was able to hold both in his mind. He would say he preferred the both/and to the either/or. In TCB's mind having money didn't mean you were rich. It just meant you could afford to buy a six-pack or a dime bag or some day old Twinkies. When forced to evaluate people, The Chemical Buddha always found himself more attracted to someone who also had other things he wanted. For example, TCB would choose an unattractive woman with 5 lukewarm beers over a more attractive women without any beer. Besides, if he pounded the 5 beers fast enough, the beer goggles would make the unattractive woman look way more beautiful.
What qualities are you attracted to the most?
How often do you give people outside of your 'attraction set' a chance?
Why do you think people are attracted to you?

Independence Day

"The homeless are more free than the rich."
The Chemical Buddha wasn't one of those people who envied the rich (or felt sorry for the homeless). He figured we all had our own stuff to deal with, so why be jealous of anyone? However, if you pressed TCB and asked him if he'd prefer to be rich or homeless, he would reply with today's insight. He thought homeless people have no responsibilities except what they're going to eat for the day. The rich, on the other hand, had to do a lot just to maintain their lifestyle. Be it work or manage their investments. And there was always someone that wanted to take their place. However, if a homeless person could arrange it, they could spend their winters on the beach and their summers up north. They could go where they wanted. They might not be able to go exactly when they wanted, but they had plenty of time to enjoy the trip. Sure, homeless people couldn't afford the finest restaurants, but they could eat out of the dumpster in back. If you're rich and would like to experience the 'freedom' of being poor, TCB would be happy to 'hold' your money, property and investments for you.
How do you judge people based on what they have?
How do you judge people on what they don't have?
What do you buy or do just to impress the people around you?

Focus on Focusing

"Sometimes you just have to pick a side and rub."
Early posts have spoken at length about the size of The Chemical Buddha's endowment. But despite it all, he accepted that he had what he had and didn't worry too much about it. Although he did recognize it as a short-coming, he wasn't too proud to seek advice on what to do. One of the best things anyone told him was to not worry about reaching everything. Just focus on one thing and make the most of it. While the person giving the advice intended for TCB to focus on his partner, The Chemical Buddha instead choose to focus on the tip of his dick. Although he did take this insight and apply it to other parts of his life. Eventually narrowing down all of the things he was involved in to pot, sex and Twinkies. Not only was he able to give those three things more of his attention, but it made it incredibly easy to Christmas shop for him.
How often do you focus on one thing?
How often is your attention scattered across multiple things?
Which do you find works better?
What prevents you from focusing on one thing?
What prevents you from seeing a multitude of things?

Projection Screen

"When you hate another, you hate yourself. Unfortunately, killing yourself, won't kill them."
The Chemical Buddha was a firm believer that people had to be taught to dislike others (or, for that matter, to dislike themselves). He didn't believe people came into the world hating it. TCB also didn't think it was possible for someone's self esteem to be too high. (People who seemed to think their shit didn't stink, usually had the lowest self-esteem. As if they’re trying to convince every one, including themselves, how great they are.) So when The Chemical Buddha didn't like certain things about other people, he would try and figure out what it was he didn't like about himself (psych majors will recognize this concept as projection). Or he would just take a bunch of drugs and forget about it. In addition to today's insight, The Chemical Buddha also found that when you make yourself cum you don't make another cum. Or just because someone makes you cum, doesn't mean you can make them cum.
What don't you like about other people? Do you dislike those same qualities in yourself?
What do you like about other people? Do you like those same things about yourself?
How do you deal with things/people you don't like? How do you deal with yourself?

You Better Believe it

"True enlightenment is dispensed by a pharmacist, not a guru."
One of the things The Chemical Buddha didn't like about the guru's path to enlightenment was how vague it was. They couldn't tell you when your consciousness would be altered. All they could say was how it would happen. And that usually meant practice over a long period of time. A pharmacist, on the other hand, had a very specific prescription measured out to achieve the desired effect. If it didn't work, he could always make tweaks to get you to where you wanted to be. TCB saw it as the classic religion/spirituality versus science debate. He laughed until tears rolled down his face thinking about how two different paths (that oftentimes fought with each other) could end up in the same place. To him, this spoke to the limited range of the human experience and the craziness of anyone saying this was all there was based on their own limited range.
Do you follow the rules or fly by the seat of your pants? Which way do you think works better?
Do you think only you understand your experiences? Or do you think other people can relate to what you're going through?