Let's Get Creative

"Anal sex is for those who think outside the box."
The Chemical Buddha tried to keep up on the latest news and thinking. (Mainly so he could work it into his teaching and appear 'hip' and 'in the know'.) One such phrase he found appealing was 'think outside the box'. It was all the buzz in the business world. And using that phrase was short hand for showing you wanted creative thinking. Of course, The Chemical Buddha put his own little spin on it and took 'outside the box thinking' into the bedroom. But he found his particular brand of creative thinking wasn't always appreciated. Especially if his partner wasn't calling for 'outside the box' thinking.
What areas of your life are you trying to be more creative than you need to be?
What areas could use a more creative approach?

Step on a Crack

"It's important to know which crack you smoke and which crack you poke."
We're sure it's not that far of a stretch to picture The Chemical Buddha getting so 'impaired' that he would try and hump practically anything. That includes the night he discovered today's insight. After a day of heavy drug use, TCB spent that entire night trying to mount some crack cocaine. (It started when The Chemical Buddha overheard his roommate saying he left some crack on his nightstand.) Not only was TCB left unsatisfied, but all the rock tasted like dick. (Or, so he claimed, what he'd heard dick was supposed to taste like.) From that moment on, he decided to pay attention to the difference.
Where are you confused about in your life?
To be more satisfied with life, what do you need to learn more about?

Misery Loves Company

"To feel happier, hang out with people who are miserable."
This insight came to The Chemical Buddha fairly early on and he applied it to a lot of areas of his life. If he wanted to feel tall, he hung out with short people (or kids or people in wheel chairs). If you want to feel skinny, hang out with fat people. (But after awhile he noticed a lot of skinny people were hanging out with him for some reason.) Since TCB's ultimate pursuit was happiness (and enlightenment) he decided to hang out with miserable people. And that worked pretty well until hanging out with all those depressing people almost made him want to slit his wrists.
How would you describe the people you have surrounded yourself with?
Are they helping you be the person you want to be or are they trying to keep you from changing?

That Doesn't Hurt. Much.

"Humans are the only animals that repeatedly do things they know will hurt them."
We often refer to other animals as 'stupid'. Yet even 'stupid' animals quickly learn how to avoid doing things that hurt them or bring them pain. However, the same thing can't be said for supposed 'smart' people. And The Chemical Buddha considered himself smart and definitely smarter than most, if not all, animals. But, despite his genius, he was involved in multiple painful relationships (OK, all of his relationships were painful) and had hangovers on top of hangovers. (In both cases he learned nothing helps you forget a relationship like another relationship. And nothing cures a hangover like another drink or a joint.) Of course, as the pain mounted, the relationships got shorter and shorter and he needed to drink more and more. But hey, that was something no 'stupid' animal ever learned.
What painful lessons do you keep learning over and over?
What's it going to take for you to get the lesson and move on?

Seconds 'til Orgasm

"Premature ejaculation is premature for whom?"
As the insight from August 26th showed, The Chemical Buddha was nothing if not true to himself. But after hearing some complaints about his stamina (or lack there of) TCB asked himself the above question. Because, if he was having sex to please himself, then, quite frankly, he couldn't come fast enough. Wasn't that the entire goal? If evolution's goal was for us to propagate as much as possible, then he was actually the peak of evolution. Especially when compared to those who take minutes to come. Of course, the complaints were because, it appeared to The Chemical Buddha, his partners actually wanted him to consider their needs. But it's pretty safe to say that just wasn't going to happen.
How do other people beliefs about what you should do affect your life?
What would happen if you worried less about what others thought and, instead, just focused on yourself?
What would be different if you focused on other people instead of yourself?

Faking it

"I have never faked an orgasm."
Hopefully, if you've learned anything about The Chemical Buddha it's that he was true to himself. So he never did anything (or anyone) he didn't want to do. So it was pretty safe to assume that if TCB did anything it was because he wanted to. This also meant he was a horrible liar and poker player because everyone could always tell what he was thinking. Unless he was unconscious. Then he was an awesome liar. Because of his total self-honesty, he never ever faked an orgasm. (Except for that one time when a girl he was fucking told him to pull out because she wasn't on the pill. He, of course, had already came, so he pulled out and pretended to come on her stomach.) Of course, he did believe that if someone cared enough to fake an orgasm with him, they must really care. Or think his self-esteem was too fragile to handle the truth. Truth be told, it didn't matter to him what the reason was.
Do you think other people are truthful to you?
Are you truthful with other people?
What parts of your life are you faking your way through?
Where do you need to be more true to yourself?

Ahhh, Memories

"You always remember your first, your last, and the one who gave you herpes."
The Chemical Buddha tried to draw a lot of parallels between life and sex. To him life was sex and sex was life (or at least a really good reason for living life anyway.) From an evolutionary perspective, we are here to reproduce and carry on our genes. Plus, it felt really, really good. With this understanding it's easy to make sense of today's insight. Because in sex, like life, The Chemical Buddha remembered the first and last time he did something as well as any catastrophic event in between. (Or at least the first time he recognized it happened). But all the rest, was just a blur and usually lost in the fog of his mind.
What are the big moments you need to pay attention to in your life?
And what would be better off forgotten?
What do you remember and why?

Cougar Instructions

"Once women figure out what to do with what they've got, no one wants it anymore."
The Chemical Buddha considered it a weird twist of life that once you figure out how to do something you're too old to do it. For example, by the time TCB learned to ride his tricycle (age 9) he was too big for it. The meaning behind this thought is by the time most women (or anyone else for that matter) get comfortable enough and know themselves well enough to have the sex they've always dreamed of having, they're usually too old to be attractive to anyone. Or, if a woman really applies herself and learns a lot at about sex at a young age, the very act of drinking a lot and having several sexual partners can make her look older than she actually is and again, she won't be attractive to anyone. The key is to be comfortable at what you do no matter what. TCB was sure there were exceptions to this rule and we're not even sure if, like a lot of other things, he was even right about this one. You might be better off trusting your own experience.
How does your discomfort or fear of trying something new hold you back in your life? What steps do you need to take to be comfortable in your own skin?
Or better yet, feel comfortable sharing your skin with someone else?

Fuck Reason

"I like people who think of reasons to have sex, rather than reasons not to."
In The Chemical Buddha's vast experience of trolling seedy bars for someone who might actually want to have sex with him, he found there were two types of people in the world: those who think of reasons to do something and those who think of reason not to. And there are a lot more 'not to' people than 'reasons to' people. Especially when you consider that even people who don't like to do things are searching for people to do things with. TCB reasoned this was because the easiest word in the world was 'no.' And the hardest word was 'yes.’' Unless you run into one of those people who say 'yes' to everything but don’t show up for anything. To The Chemical Buddha, these were worse than people who just said no all the time.
Do you say 'yes' or 'no' more often?
Do you over commit? If so, what do you do when you have too much to do?

Self-Taught Chemist

"Chemically enhance your reality."
The Chemical Buddha watched a lot of TV. One of the things he learned from some science show on TV was that our interaction with the world was based on the chemicals in each of our brains. And that so-called 'crazy' people have a slight imbalance that causes them to see the world slightly differently than 'sane' people do. To him, this was just another reason to show that he was on the right path. A TV show couldn't be wrong could it? Especially one with a bunch of scientists that used words with more than one syllable. This also gave TCB a quick retort to people who called him a lush, burnout or stoner, When he heard these things The Chemical Buddha would reply that by altering his chemical make-up he wasn’t running from reality, but merely enhancing it to make it more tolerable and interesting.
Is there an area in your life that could use some outside help to make it better?
What one thing would you change about your life?
How could changing that one thing effect everything?

Tattoo You?

"Not even tattoos are forever anymore."
The Chemical Buddha was grateful that real long-term relationships went out of style decades ago. That way he didn't feel so out of place for never having been involved in a relationship that lasted until morning. He noticed that people didn't want to be tied down. Didn't want to be responsible for themselves, let alone anything else. This all gelled for him when he discovered that, thanks to modern technology, the last bastion of permanence has been vanquished. Have an embarrassing tattoo you don’t like? Just erase it. Nothing lasts forever anymore. Actually the idea that it would last was only an illusion. The only constant is change. And now you don't have to be responsible for anything you do in a drunken stupor.
What parts of your life do you think will last forever?
What areas do you want to last?
Which areas do you just what to hurry and pass you by? How come? What do you think will be different?

Problems are my Problem

"My problem isn’t drugs. My problem is sobering up."
The Chemical Buddha was known to drink until black out, getting stoned until he drooled, and ODing several times. And while TCB recognized that he had a problem, he always vehemently denied that his problem was ever drugs. In fact, he saw sobriety as his problem. As in it was hard for him to sober up. He also noted that they while there were support groups for alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, etc, there weren't any sobriety support groups. So The Chemical Buddha was doomed to have no one to do a intervention about his sobriety. And we're not sure if he ever had a sober day in his life.
What parts of your life are you couching in a way that's more convenient for you and easier for you to swallow?
What 'truth' do you need to really face?

Same as it Ever Was

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
This was a difficult insight for The Chemical Buddha to come to. Difficult in the fact that he had to loose someone very close to him before realizing it. Had he learned it earlier, he might have been able to prevent his friend's senseless death. The story goes that this awareness came to TCB after he lost one of his good friends. The friend decided to end it all because his girlfriend of 8 days decided to break up with him. (We're not sure if they were actually going out or if he just though they were and he became distraught when she didn’t return his 100th phone call of the day.) So instead of seeing the pain and the problem as a temporary one, his friend choose to see it as permanent situation that would never change. And it would therefore be impossible to go on without Rebecca (or whatever her name was, because we're not even sure the friend knew it).
What molehills do you make into mountains?
What are you obsessed with now, that you won't even think about 6 months from now? A year from now? Five years from now?

I. Don't. Like. You.

"If you have to ask yourself if someone likes you, then the answer is 'no.'"
The Chemical Buddha often misread the signals women were sending out. If a woman merely glanced in his direction, TCB would waddle over and proceed to talk and grope her. No matter how she protested and tried to push him away. He just assumed they were playing hard to get. It was after misreading all the signals for several years, The Chemical Buddha came upon this insight. What he took as interest was actually just tolerance. Eventually, The Chemical Buddha met someone who was actually 'into' him and they made it very, very obvious. So much so that it never occurred to him to ask the question of whether or not she liked him.
What areas of your life are you hearing/seeing what you want to hear/see rather than what is going on?
What prevents you from seeing (and accepting) the obvious?

We had Sex?

"The best sex I ever had was the last sex I ever had."
The Chemical Buddha noticed that there were certain things in life where the last time he did it was also the best time. Of course, TCB came upon this thinking when he realized that he couldn't remember any of the previous times he had sex. He could remember the people (barely) but not the actual feelings. So it wasn't a lie when he told his partner(s) that was the best sex ever. He found this also applied to other areas of his life. For example, the last time he saw someone was how she or he always looked in his mind. He couldn't remember how they looked before. He might recognize them if he saw an old picture but he couldn't actively call up how they used to look. Just how they looked now. Of course, there was one exception when he could compile all the best possible memories (and add a few enhancements) and that was when he fantasized while masturbating.
How much time do you spend living in the past?
What parts of the past do you unnecessarily hold onto?
What keeps you from enjoying what's happening now?

Believe and Achieve

"Attain total unconsciousness."
Despite what The Chemical Buddha may have us all believe, he found it very difficult to attain total consciousness. In fact, we're not even sure if he actually knew what that meant and/or required. TCB found it infinitely easier to become one with unconsciousness. (He also found plenty of drugs and different types of alcohol to help him.) Often, just before he 'became one with the black out' (or as he called it, 'the infinite darkness') he found himself praying to God even more. As in, "Oh God, please let me get through this night." And "Oh God, I feel like shit." Although we're not sure if he actually believed in God or not. We can tell you that all of his hard work in this area allowed him to achieve almost complete unconsciousness 24/7.
In your life, have you chosen the difficult path or the easy one?
Which path do you think would benefit you the most?
How do you react when things get difficult? Do you push on or give in?

Trade for Sex

"You can either pay for sex by the hour or with half of your possessions."
This insight marks the turning point of The Chemical Buddha's attitude towards sex and relationships. TCB gained this awareness after yet another 'relationship' break up where his latest 'lover' (by 'lover' we mean someone he slept with and by 'relationship' we mean she actually stuck around until morning) moved out taking most of his possessions with her. Even though he didn't really have much worth taking, she did make off with his favorite roach clips and his beer bottle cap collection. It was then The Chemical Buddha decided it would be easier to just start paying for sex by the hour (or sex act) instead of always having to go to the thrift store to buy a blender and combing through people's trash for a new mattress.
How often do you make choices that aren't good for you?
Do these choices have a simpler solution that might serve you better?
What are you willing to give up to be in a 'relationship'?

Redefining Hotness

"Love everyone, but only fuck the hot chicks."
For months, The Chemical Buddha tried to love everyone (and everything). Or at least everyone and everything that would let him 'love' it. And while it led to several awkward mornings of hung over haze looking at the latest whale he’d just harpooned, it also helped The Chemical Buddha decide he'd rather just fuck the hot chicks. So while he could still feel love towards all things, he didn’t need to express it physically with everyone. Especially those who were f'ugly. Unless he was really drunk or really horny or really high or just didn't want to sleep by himself or if every attractive woman he had hit on shot him down, then he would give up his pursuit of hot chicks and settle for whoever he could nail.
How often do you settle in your life?
What line do you need to draw between what you want and what you're willing to put up with?
How will making choices to go after what you want help you in your life?

Buy in Bulk and Save

"I’m the pharmacist of enlightenment."
The Chemical Buddha wasn't much of a business expert, but he did know the advantages of paying wholesale over retail. Which is why, after years of supporting his local dealer, TCB decided he too could support his habit by becoming a dealer on his own. (In retrospect, this turned out to be a horrible idea because he just used up all of the stuff he had intended to sell. The only way The Chemical Buddha wouldn't do drugs was if there were no drugs in the house.) But before he learned that lesson, TCB rationalized that he would no longer be dependent upon someone else for his mind-altering experiences. In fact, he would be able to better help others open their minds. And the rest is spiritual history.
When will your realize that the student is now the teacher?
When will you start showing others the way instead of depending upon someone else's guidance?

Be Safe

"Safety is an illusion."
The Chemical Buddha found some people really, really wanted to feel safe. So much so they would try and control everything around them to have it. No matter how unattainable it was, these people would do practically anything to have it. Luckily, TCB's belief that safety was attainable fell away after one late night house party when, just before dawn, The Chemical Buddha discovered that some of his guests had had sex in his bed. (And didn't invite him.) Plus they smoked half a joint he had on his nightstand. Not only was his concept of safety totally smashed but he had to sleep on the wet spot too.
In general, do you feel safe? Why or why not?
Do you think it's possible to obtain safety?
What other areas of life do you think are unchanging? (Or do you want to be unchanging?)
In your experience, have you found that things change to matter what you do or that you can keep things from changing?

Hey Bartender

"What do I believe? I believe I’ll have another."
The Chemical Buddha believed that people's lives have more purpose and meaning when they believe in something. Be it in the good of humanity. The importance of pairing French fries with apple sauce. Or the pursuit of the perfect talk belcher. It's important to believe in something. Anything. So while The Chemical Buddha might not have had beliefs around fair play, what is morally right, what brings a person pleasure, how to be socially appropriate, how to treat other human beings (you get the idea). He did have a firm belief system (or life mission) around the ingestion of intoxicants, which could be easily summed up (no matter how out of it he was) in three simple words: "I’ll have another."
What do you believe in?
In what areas of your life are you unwilling to compromise?
What is your life's mission? Your purpose for being?

Have a Nice Day

"Women are friendly to be friendly. Men are friendly to get in your pants."
The Chemical Buddha learned this insight the hard way. Just because he would point out to a woman that he wanted to have sex with that she had a little bit of vomit on the corner of her mouth or if he said, "Excuse me," after ripping off a really loud fart to a woman as a form of sexual foreplay. Just because he did these things didn't mean everyone was that way. It took him a long time to figure out that just because a woman told him the time or pointed out that he had stepped in dog shit didn't mean she wanted to have sex with him. And even after he learned it, that didn't keep him from asking everyone woman that didn't react in disgust toward him if they wanted to fuck. He just chalked it up to one of the differences between men and women that he would never understand.
Are you only nice to people when you want something?
Do you think people are only nice because they want something?
Do you seek to understand someone or to make yourself understood?
Do you look at your own behavior towards others or concern yourself with how others treat you?

Pleasure and Pain

"It is said even constant orgasming can become agony. That's a risk I'm willing to take."
The masters said too much of anything could become painful and that we needed pain to know pleasure. That light couldn't exist without dark. And while this theory seemed to make a lot of sense on the surface, The Chemical Buddha believed they only used it to explain a particularly difficult and painful stretch a student was experiencing. Because really? Has anyone had too much pleasure? Fuck no! And there didn't seem to be any risk of that happening either. So when his teachers cautioned TCB about wishing for never-ending joy (like in today's insight) The Chemical Buddha wasn't worried at all. In fact, he would reply, "Like that’s ever going to happen dumb ass." As far as we know, The Chemical Buddha never did experience constant orgasming, although that didn’t keep him from trying every pill and ointment he could buy to make it happen.
What reasons do you use to explain why things happen in your life?
What do you spend your time wishing for?
Do you actually think it'll come true, or do you just wish for the sake of wishing?

And the Answer is …?

"Just confirm what I already believe."
Throughout history, mankind has had questions about life and formed beliefs around the answer to those questions. Like everyone else, The Chemical Buddha had his own questions. And as he sought answers, he discovered he got angry when people disagreed with what he already thought or told him something he didn't want to hear/know. And the same could be said when he answered other people's questions. TCB found the truth had very little to do with perception and if you ever wanted to see that person again, one had to be able to read the situation very well before answering. So today's insight applies to those questions that have no 'right' answer. Questions like, "Do theses jeans make my butt look big?" "What are you thinking about?" and "Was it good for you?"
How do you react when talking to people you disagree with? Do you get angry or try to see things from their perspective?
What questions do you have that you really don't want to 'know' the answer to?
What questions do you just want people to agree with you?

Two is a Group

"My disciples are groupies."
We're not sure if the 's' actually belongs on the end of disciple and groupie in this insight, but what the hell. It wouldn't be the first, or last time, The Chemical Buddha misspoke about his legion(s) of follower(s). If you asked him where all of his groupies were, he would just say they were too deep in the mystery (i.e. 'high') to be a part of any organized activities. And to be honest, The Chemical Buddha was often too high himself to lead any organized activities. In TCB's defense, he did make a lot of friends. He just couldn't remember who his friends were.
Do you like being by yourself or do like the company of others?
How much time do you spend alone?
How many childhood friends do you still have?
How easily do you make friends?
Is it hard or easy for you to keep in touch with people you don't see often?

Testosteroni

"Women have many reasons not to have sex like, 'I just met you'. However, men have only one reason: they're passed out."
We're pretty sure The Chemical Buddha didn't have the world's most active sex drive. In fact, we think there were probably some breeds of dogs and goats that were hornier. Oh, and rabbits. All that said, TCB was always looking for an opportunity to hump something, anything. Sometimes he could actually be found rubbing up against the arm of a chair. We're not sure if that was due to the fact that The Chemical Buddha didn't get laid very much or if he was just that full of testosterone. Although he did go bald at an early age and always had five o’clock shadow by noon.
What are your reasons for not doing things?
Are you more likely to say 'no' or 'yes' to trying something new?
In general, are you more comfortable trying something new or do you like a routine?

Live from Life!

"Better to be all dead than half alive."
The Chemical Buddha was all in favor of getting the most he could out of life. That said, he often ran into people who held back from life and didn't seem to fully embrace it. (And by 'embrace it' TCB usually meant embrace him and by 'him' he meant little Chemical Buddha.) But he would try to hide all that meaning in today's insight. If you reread it with what you've just learned, this meditation is best summed up as: "Better to be all dead than not to have sex with me." After seeing several walks of shame, we can say most people looked like they would have preferred to be dead. Taken at it's less sexual meaning, The Chemical Buddha believed this was our one shot to do what we wanted to do. So why not go for it? Oh, wait, I think we're talking about sex again.
How often do you fully engage in your life?
Of those times you fully engage, how often do you give 100%? If you don't do it very often, what holds you back?
How would you feel about your life if everything ended today? What would you need to do different to feel good about your life and yourself?

Ideas to die for

"The majority of people are seldom right about anything."
The Chemical Buddha wasn't a fan of the 'group think'. He found anything a group of people could agree on was usually flat and flavorless. That was because it was so full of compromise that no one was happy. TCB believed true innovation came from one person or a small group of people (three at most). It was here true radical thought lived. Of course, this might have been the thinking he used to justify the fact that a majority of people were against, even repulsed, by his teachings. He held firm in the belief that people would eventually come around and accept his ideas as mainstream. At the end of his life, he was still waiting. If we could talk to The Chemical Buddha now, we imagine he would think his death served to increase his legend. Just like dying young helped James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis and Jesus.
Which of your ideas do you consider radical?
What radical ideas do you agree with?
What mainstream ideas do you agree with?
What ideas would you be willing to fight or even die for?

One Friendly Fucker

"It’s good to be liked. It’s better to be licked."
The Chemical Buddha, "Wanna fuck?"
Random drunk woman, "I just like you as a friend."
This was a common exchange in The Chemical Buddha's life. Which led him to today's insight. While he liked having friends and saw the value in them. He liked being licked a helluva a lot better. And they didn't have to even be a friend to lick him either. Although afterward, he always considered lickers to be the best kind of friends. We think this points to the difficulty TCB had forming friendships. We’re not really sure how many he had. Of course, he considered everyone a friend, the postman, wait staff, bartenders, his dealer and anyone who he could tell what to do. And while, from the outside, it may seem like he was lonely, The Chemical Buddha never considered himself alone.
How do you define being friends?
How good a friend do you think you are?
What conditions do you put on friendship?

Another Good Idea

"Drink until the bad ideas start to sound good."
Today's insight continues the theme from yesterday's focus on alcohol. The Chemical Buddha found he could ask someone the same question during the course of a night of heavy drinking and the answer would change. He was never able to figure out if it was because they had grown more and more tolerant of the question or if the alcohol changed what they thought of it. For instance, he found that a women who, at first, was repulsed by the idea of a quickie in the restroom grew more and more open to the idea as the night went on. Some would realize this meant they needed a ride home (or to the Emergency Room). TCB always tried to find the proper shot to question ratio. Just enough to peak their interest without killing them. And that balance was crucial. Because it was extremely difficult to have a quickie in a bathroom stall with someone who was passed out.
How have your attitudes changed towards things that used to shock you? Are they more or less shocking now?
What is the worst thing (or person) you've done after a night of drinking?
How do you know when it's time to stop? Or do you press on until someone else tells you to stop?

Taking A Poll

"Alcohol: liquid persuasion."
The Chemical Buddha discovered that somewhere between buzzed and alcohol poisoning was a sweet spot where he could get someone to do practically anything. Of course, this was the same zone where someone could want to kick his ass for practically any reason too. But to him, it was worth finding 'the zone'. TCB was convinced that some of the best sex he ever had was while he was drunk. The only problem was, he didn't remember any of it, so him being good in bed existed mostly in his mind. Judging by the stories we've heard and some of the videos we've been shown, we have to say his fantasy did not reflect any known reality.
How great do you think you are?
How great are you?
How often do you ask other people's opinion of you?
How often do you give your opinion to other people? When giving your opinion, do you tell them the truth or try not to hurt their feelings?