One Letter

“I’d rather be drugged than dragged.”
The Chemical Buddha thought the secret to getting along with others was clear written and verbal communication. Of course, he often would hear what he wanted to hear. For instance, he thought two mean looking strangers asked if he wanted to be drugged. But instead, they asked him if he wanted to be dragged and then jumped him. (Although, they were a little taken aback when TCB replied ‘yes.’) Luckily, before they were able to go through with it, the police showed up and arrested the men. As the officers took The Chemical Buddha home he was still a bit confused, because he asked the city’s finest, where the drugs were. Which in turn created several problems for our hero, but we’ll save those for another time.
Do you clearly ask for what you want or do you hope people figure it out?
How often do you misunderstand what people’s actions and words mean? Do you think it’s possible you hear/see what you want to hear/see?

The 'Good' Part About Feeling 'Bad'

“The real money is to be made on the misery of others.”
The Chemical Buddha overheard this little piece of wisdom from the owner of the rehab center he had been ordered to attend by the Circuit Court of Jackson County. Good times. It did help solidify his vision of a better world … for him by turning his misery (and the lessons from it) into a spiritual movement, as well as helping other people become more miserable so they too could learn the same lessons. Has he been successful? Well, he died just as his labors were beginning to bear fruit. But we can attest to the fact that he did make several people miserable. Including himself.
What do you do that you know is not ‘good’ for you? Why do you continue to do it?
What do you learn about yourself by feeling ‘bad’? What do you learn by feeling ‘good’?

It's Good to Help

“Most people’s help doesn’t help.”
The Chemical Buddha couldn’t understand why people felt the incessant need to help people who didn’t ask for it. He figured it was so they could feel superior by showing someone they’re smarter or wiser or more enlightened. (That was why he did it.) Then there were other times people wanted to give TCB help with his problems or addictions. Except he didn’t ask for their help because he didn’t see it as a problem. But that didn’t stop them from pouring all his booze down the drain, flushing his stash down the toilet, and putting his Twinkies under lock and key. Their actions were usually followed by, ‘it’s for your own good.’ The Chemical Buddha couldn’t get over the self-righteousness of people who thought they knew what was best for someone else. By the way, now is a great time to write a check to help support The Chemical Buddha. PayPal is also accepted. Remember, we’re only doing this because we care and because it’s for your own good. Not because we’re about to go on a beer run.
What do you do for people because it’s for their own good?
How do you feel when you help people who don’t ask for help?
How do you feel asking for help? How do you feel when other people ask?

Stick This in Your Pigeon Hole

“Who people think you are is more important than who you actually are.”
The Chemical Buddha hated being stereotyped. People often pigeonholed him as a sex crazed lazy burn out who only thought about his own pleasures. But what if he was a thoughtful, wise man who never put anything stronger than the occasional beer or mixed drink in his body and treated women with respect? Would anyone listen to him? Would people consider what he had to say or would a bigger than life persona serve him better? What if The Chemical Buddha was just a facade used to live out some small part of a larger personality that didn’t want to be fenced in by how other people thought he should be, look like of live his life? Would TCB be less or more interesting? Or what if he was a sex crazed lazy burn out with a lot more than that to offer but no one took the time to see what else was there?
How well do you know your friends? Do you accept them for who they are or try to make them who you want them to be?
Do you pigeon hole them because that’s who they are, or because it makes it easier for you?
How do you feel being pigeon holed?

Just Be-ing

“There is another level of ‘being.’ It is called ‘being stoned.’”
The Chemical Buddha believed there were lots of levels of being. And the more awakened you were to those other ways, the more you could put yourself in someone else’s shoes and empathize with their plight. He thought making judgments about someone else's life based on the view from the outside was one of the biggest hurdles people had to overcome before being able to appreciate the total beauty of what was around them. Was he better than some crack whore who sucked dick so she could get high? He thought so until he found himself sucking dick to get the same thing. The view from his knees made him appreciate that he didn’t need money to get high. But then again, maybe the point was lost on him.
Who do you think you’re better than? Who do you think you’re worse than?
How often do you find your judgments about other people to be right? How often do you find that they’re wrong?

Boob-a-liscious

“Boobs are like martinis. One isn’t enough and three is too many.”
The Chemical Buddha believed there was a proper (or sacred) number for everything. two boobs, three holes, 24 beers, and so on. TCB believed there was a reason for these numbers and if he had 22 beers instead of 24, things just didn’t feel complete. He thought it had to do with balance. Because, while the universe could be chaotic, there was a beautiful balance to how everything worked. It was not all chaos all the time. There were times of upheaval and times of calm. To link this line of thinking to the above insight it would go like this: what if women all had just one boob? There would be no time of rest. That boob would always be stimulated. But because there were two, one could rest while the other was worked over and balance could be achieved for both.
Does you life feel calm, chaotic or balanced? Why?
Do you give yourself times to relax? (From the busy-ness that seems to be a part of everyone's life.) If not, why not? If so, what do you do?

Let's Talk About Sex

“Sex is the reason we’re all here.”
The Chemical Buddha could never understand why certain types of people would get all uptight about sex. They wouldn’t talk about it. They didn’t want to see it on TV or in movies or advertising. And they sure as hell didn’t want to have it. (Or, at least that’s what they said.) But didn’t they realize that without sex (or the sex act), none of us would be here? And if everyone treated sex like they do, there wouldn’t be many of us to carry on. To TCB, that was the height of hypocrisy. Of course, he usually found people who were uptight on sex, were generally uptight about a lot of things. It was impossible to be conservative (or liberal) in just one area. Usually all of them were affected. That’s why there was nothing The Chemical Buddha enjoyed more than changing people’s view on sex. And after enlightenment through pharmaceuticals, he saw it as his second calling. Luckily, he was easily able to promote both.
What is your attitude on life? Are you open or closed to new things?
How does being open help you? How does it hurt you?
How does being closed help you? How does it hurt you?

Back to the Future

“Too many people worry about what's next instead of what's now.”
The Chemical Buddha was all about the now. Except when he was looking forward to his next high or lay. Which was pretty much all the time. But we digress. He found people worried about what was going to happen next and missed what was happening now. Before someone even had a moment to enjoy the bite of food they were eating, they were already taking the next bite. He thought this was because the brain was all about looking for the 'what’s next.' While the body was about enjoying the what’s now. TCB found being stoned slowed his brain down enough for him to enjoy what’s now. He had heard that other's used meditation to do the same thing.
Do you live your life in the past, present or future?
Where would you prefer to live you life? What would it take for you to do it?

The Future is Never Now

“Today is the compost of tomorrow.”
The Chemical Buddha believed in recycling and composting. And, as a Buddhist, he did believe in Karma, as long as it fit his needs. So based on those two lines of thought, if everything he did the day before was the compost/fertilizer of today, then the more shit that happened in the past, the more the current day had to grow out of. Although TCB never gardened, he did know enough from pot cultivation that you had to till the ground, fertilize it, plant seeds and give it water and light or you wouldn’t have anything to smoke. He also knew that a little bit of foreplay was required (or lube) or he’d get friction burns. To his thinking, everything had an order it needed to happen in. You can’t get to tomorrow without going through today. As much as The Chemical Buddha wanted to get to the future, he still had to drink the beer to get drunk. He couldn’t just be drunk.
How much of your life do you spend planning for the future? How much of the now do you miss with your planning?
Do you believe in a natural order of things or do you try to jump ahead? What's the impact on you?

This God's For You

“I chose the King of Beers over the King of Kings.”
There are a few theories on why The Chemical Buddha choose the King of Beers over the King of Kings. Some say it was the buzzing quality beer gave him or the fact he could buy it practically everywhere. The fact that the King of Beers always gave back in ways that was tangible. Or how, when he felt his ‘faith’ wavering, he could quickly shotgun a few and be right back in the fold. Plus he could buy hats, key rings, lights, etc. and his King sponsored major sporting events. And he could tour the brewery and see the King of Beers being made. We’re sure these factors all played a significant role in his decision making process. But probably the most important factor was The King of Kings promised everlasting salvation … after death. The King of Beers provided for an everlasting party … right now. Was there ever a time TCB regretted his choice? Maybe in the wee hours when he was puking his guts up. Because it was during those times he invoked the other king’s name.
When things look their bleakest, what do you fall back on to help you?
Do you believe once a choice is made, there is no going back? Or do you think you can change your mind? Why or why not? And what is the impact of that on your life?

Nobody Knows

“If you think you’re one in a million, there are eight of you in New York.”
The Chemical Buddha realized we were all unique. We all have a combination of special talents, skills and personality quirks that are unlike anyone else’s. Although it seemed to him some people tried to purposely stake out ground that made them unlike anyone else. But to him, it stood to reason that with all of the people on the planet there wasn’t anyone who had something that was so unique that absolutely no one else had it. And he was determined to find those people who mixed sex, drugs, and overeating as a spiritual path and mold them into his ‘army of awakened ones.’ Because, while lots of people liked the allure of excess to enlightenment, few of them could actually undergo the rigorous training. Believe it or not, partying until 4 am and sleeping until 2 in the afternoon wasn’t as easy as it looked. But then, you probably wouldn’t understand that because if you did, you would already know that and would have no need to read this.
What do you think makes you unique?
Where in your life do you feel that no one else would understand your life? How does that keep you isolated, alone and wallowing in your own problems? Do you truly believe no one understands or is that just what you tell yourself.

Zombie Jesus

“Lucky for me, you no longer have to die to start a religion.”
When The Chemical Buddha first started his movement, he was worried he might be killed for his radical religious teaching just like Jesus was. (Of course, the Buddha died over and over just to see what it was like.) The reasons TCB didn’t want to die was because he didn’t want to miss out on all of the sexual favors and being worshiped by his followers. He imagined Jesus must be pretty pissed to look down from Heaven and see all the riches the religion started in his name had amassed. Not to mention all the women that were ‘married to Christ.’ He could fuck and fuck without committing sin. Of course, if Jesus rose from the dead, doesn’t that mean he was a zombie? If he hadn’t ascended into heaven and had lived among us instead, being a zombie Jesus might cut into his action a little bit.
What ideas are you willing to die for?
What would you like to start before you die?

Fuck This

“If you ‘don’t give a fuck’ then what do you charge?”
The Chemical Buddha could understand not giving a fuck, but he was confused when people would get mad when he asked what it would cost to fuck them. Isn’t that what they said? Fucks weren’t free? But when TCB looked around, he noticed lots of people didn’t do what they said they’d do. Like, ‘I’ll be there in just a second,’ but it would actually take them several minutes. Or they’d agree to do stuff just to cancel later. As if they were afraid telling someone no was too much for them to hear. We’re sure it comes as no surprise that TCB was in the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ camp built on Hypocrite Hill. (That way he had a good view to look down on other people and point out their shortcomings.)
How harshly to you judge other people? How harshly do you judge yourself?
What do you think when people don’t do what they say they’re going to do? To you do what you say you’re going to do?

Wonder Drug

“The best hallucinogenic is pure ego.”
The Chemical Buddha used a variety of drugs to visit strange and wondrous places he couldn’t have gone to otherwise. But he found nothing fucked with his world more than pure ego. In fact, he thought it was the most abused ‘drug’ on the planet. Because he noticed people went on ego trips all the time and seemed to visit some very strange places indeed. Places where they’re important and people actually care about what they think. Especially people in the entertainment business, politics, and other religious leaders (beside him) who were in positions were their egos were constantly fed. While TCB thought egos were important because they help us differentiate from each other, he thought the over inflated egos were the most dangerous. Especially when sometime tried to poke a hole in it. Which helps explain while The Chemical Buddha never let people with sharp metal objects (other than hypodermic needles) around him.
What parts of your personality will you defend/protect? What personal critiques have had the biggest impact on you and why?
How often is what you think of yourself different than what other people think of you?

Shit Happens

“Don't complain about your life, because if you wanted to be someplace else, you would be.”
The Chemical Buddha didn’t have a lot of room for people who wanted to do something else but didn’t do it. He thought it was OK to dream, but take some movement towards your dream for Christ’s sake! He was also OK with venting/complaining but if you were going to consult him for the same issue multiple times, you might find him trying to take a shit on the top of your head. He always claimed it was to demonstrate how they’d move if someone was going to shit on them, so why won’t they take action when their life is shitty? And some people actually sat there while he emptied his bowels on them because it was a fitting metaphor for their lives.
Where are you now?
Where do you want to be?
If the two are different, what steps are you taking to get there?

Die Debt Free

“What they don't say is, you don't take the debt with you either.”
The Chemical Buddha was a fan of the saying, ‘you can’t take it with you.’ Of course, he applied that saying when he was asking people for them to give him their stuff or commenting on a STD he had just given a sex partner. Then, one day after twisting up a fatty of Maui Wowie, this all got turned on its head. It was on this day that TCB realized one of the biggest secrets no one ever talked about was you didn’t take the huge amounts of debt with you either. This insight lead to a massive credit fueled shopping spree that literally stripped the tri-county area of every six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Twinkie and stick of beef jerky. To say he spent it on stuff that had absolutely no value once it was used up would be an understatement. (Unless you count recycling beer cans as value).
What baggage do you carry around with you and how does it affect your life?
Do you see it as a choice to carry it around or do you think you have to carry it? What would it take to change your perspective and truly free yourself from your past?

Put Your Whole Ass Into It

“Death is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”
To The Chemical Buddha, everything was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Because even if the same opportunity came around twice, he was never the same person both times. So he saw each moment as unique and special. And he always tried to take advantage of every situation he could. Of course, doing that often meant he was too busy or already locked in to a choice when a seemingly better option would come his way. When that happened, he’d try to do both and would usually just end up doing both of them really, really half-assed. But he got to do them both, and that was all that counted in his mind. Because he knew he would be different the next time and therefore have a second chance to half-ass it.
Do you try to do too much? If so, what are the effects of that?
Do you jump at opportunities or wait and think things through? What are the benefits and drawbacks of jumping? What are the benefits and drawbacks of thinking things through?

What'll you Have?

“The best beer is free beer.”
The Chemical Buddha was often asked, "What are you drinking?" To which he replied, "Whatever you’re buying." See, TCB didn’t have an alcohol (or drug or pussy preference). Whatever the universe provided was what he was taking. He didn’t want to refuse the universe and therefore make the universe mad. There’s nothing worse than living in a universe that thinks you’re ungrateful and don’t appreciate the bounty it lays out before you. Of course, this was also the line of thinking TCB tried to use on his ‘monks’ when he would walk around the house naked claiming he had a hard on (it was hard to see under all of his belly rolls). He would say, "Look what the universe has provided. Who wants to take advantage of this bounty?" Another thing you should know about TCB is he considered not answering to be a "Yes." So if you were passed out or too stoned to form a coherent answer, you were about to be filled with enlightenment (as he liked to call it).
What is your view of the universe? Does it provide everything you need? Or do you think it is always testing you or both?
Are you clear with your answers on what you will and will not do? Or do you move through life being taken advantage of and wondering how you got there?

Believe This

“You can find a book to support whatever you believe.”
The Chemical Buddha didn’t believe much outside of his own experience. He thought just because someone else shared your opinion or beliefs didn’t make them (or you) right. Of course, it doesn’t make you (or them) wrong either. This was the crossroads TCB found himself at on a fairly regular basis. Because his experiences were so unlike anything he saw, read or heard about he didn’t know how to interpret what was going on in his life. And though he found himself to be unique in a lot of ways. He also found he was very similar to those around him too. For instance, he found people often asked the same questions about life and their place in the world, but the answers they came up with were often times pretty fucked up. They wanted to control other people’s lives but they didn’t want anyone controlling theirs. They wanted to exclude certain people, but they wanted to be included. The Chemical Buddha decided the questions were true, but there were no right answers.
Who do agree with? Why?
Who do you want to agree with you? Why?

Let's Flow

“What good is it to have a highly evolved brain if you can’t drug it down to the IQ of a jellyfish?”
At one time, The Chemical Buddha tested out at a genius level. But, even with all of his intelligence, he was unhappy. In fact, TCB was at his happiest when he only had a few functioning brain cells. It is believed the source of most of The Chemical Buddha’s unhappiness came from his penchant for over thinking. And when we say over thinking we mean he took it to levels never before seen. He was often paralyzed by his over thoughts or could twist anything to suit his view of the world and himself. TCB finally figured out that the job of the mind was to form a new question. It was never satisfied with the answer. The job of the body, soul, spirit was to be and rest in the vastness of all of that is. Drugs, sex and food helped take TCB’s brain off line long enough for him to relax and go with the flow of life. When he was in the flow, he found he got the same results as he did when he over thought things. Just with a lot less stress.
What parts of your life do you over think?
Does the over thinking help or just help create more anxiety? What could you do to think less and just be in the flow?

See Me. Feel Me. Touch Me.

“Some things can’t be unseen.”
Try as we might, there were some things about hanging out with The Chemical Buddha that we could not unsee. Before going on, you should know that The Chemical Buddha considered anything said within his four walls or in his presence as his property. He assumed you would have not thought of what you thought of if it weren’t for his enlightened presence. And we can confirm that no one would have come up with this insight if they hadn’t seen TCB in action. In this case, an unfortunate ‘monk’ didn’t knock before opening the bathroom door and walked in on The Chemical Buddha while he was wiping his ass. He had one leg up on the toilet seat and was using one hand to spread his meaty cheeks apart while the other was sort of dabbing at his butt. (If he had longer arms, he probably would have been able to wipe a lot better.) This particular insight also had a companion insight: some things can’t be unsmelt.
What slights from your past are you unwilling to let go of?
What would be different in your life if you were able to let them go?

Futuristic

“The secret to getting a low life insurance rate is to live a life not worth living.”
No one would give The Chemical Buddha a low auto, life or health insurance policy. He figured that was because he lived a life that was too exciting and full for anyone to be willing to take a risk that he would be around long enough for them to make any money off of him. As it turns out, they were right. TCB assumed if he lived a less interesting/exciting life he would have been able to cover his future. But, as we’ve already discussed over and over, The Chemical Buddha was all about the now. Why spend money on some future event that may or may not happen, when he could be using that money to have a good time? Of course, he was all in favor of acquiring debt that would have to be paid off in the future because he didn’t plan on ever seeing that.
What do you save for the future?
What makes you think you’ll actually get there to do it?

Take it or Leave it

“If I wanted to be celibate, I would have gotten married.”
The Chemical Buddha learned early on that the procurement of sex was difficult for most and almost impossible for him. And while he heard women complain about not getting laid, he thought it had more to do with who was offering. Not with their chances. Because women could get laid anytime they wanted. Sure, they might not be able to choose the person they wanted grunting and sweating over, under, beside or behind them but they could still get laid. He also never understood why women, when informed of their power, didn’t think they actually had as many options. Regardless of how often he did (or didn’t) get laid, TCB figured his chances were a lot better when he had multiple partners available to him, instead of hitching himself to one partner for the rest of his natural born life (and possibly after). Of course, married people still had options: take it or leave it.
How does having a lot of available options make you happy? How does it make you overwhelmed?
What power/talent/skill do you have that others recognize, but you don’t?

Rock on

“If the van is rockin’, come on in.”
Now granted, with The Chemical Buddha the van wouldn’t be rocking for very long, but, in the off chance you can quickly open a van door, undress and join in, The Chemical Buddha thought you should. He truly believed the more the merrier. And was always open to seeing someone else naked. And if that person could satisfy his partner (and him) all the better. But then, there wasn’t much The Chemical Buddha wasn’t open to. While this basically had the same effect as leaving your front door open all hours of the day (which TCB also did) so any variety of things could wander in and out. For the most part, The Chemical Buddha thought this openness had a positive effect on his life. Except, to stick with the front door analogy, sometimes someone would come in and steal your TV.
Do you like new ideas or do you like a set routine?
How do you react new thinking? How do you react to sudden change?

Know Nothing

“I am totally conscious of my unconsciousness.”
Enlightenment is about being totally conscious of one’s actions. To know why one does (or does not) do something. To not be driven by emotional energy, but to do the next right thing. And right isn’t a right or wrong thing. Rather, it’s the things that feels right for you. It’s important to choose the moment, rather then letting the moment choose you. All of that said, The Chemical Buddha believed he was conscious of his action. Including those times he was unconscious. He knew that there were blocks of time he couldn’t recall. He knew that he didn’t know what he did during those unconscious times. So within his twisted gray matter, he was totally conscious of things he didn’t know anything about. We’re not sure how exactly, but that’s what made him The Chemical Buddha.
What do you think you’re aware of? And do you really think you know what’s going on?
When faced with the choice of doing what you think is right and what feels right, which one do you choose?

Ready!

“If a man takes his shoes off, he's ready to have sex.”
It didn’t take The Chemical Buddha much time to get ready. In fact, people often wished he’d take a little more time prepping himself. But TCB was an ‘in the moment guy’ and to him, prepping meant he wasn’t in the moment, but instead in the future trying to predict what would happen next. And it there was one thing The Chemical Buddha knew he couldn’t predict, it was the future. He’d been wrong so many times, he decided to hone in on the now. Although he often found he didn’t have any idea what was going on in the now either. However, if there was one thing you could count on from TCB, when he went to a woman’s house or had one over, he took off his shoes.
Do you plan for the future or let it happen?
What do you to do to be ready for big moments?

Soft Place to Land

“I’m willing to fuck you just to have a place to sleep.”
There were times The Chemical Buddha found himself out on his own because he had either been kicked out by his roommates or evicted by his landlord. When that happened he would usually wonder to a bar and try to go home with someone else. More often than not, this didn’t work. And it when it did, it actually might have been worse than sleeping on a park bench or spending the night in jail (which he'd also done on more than one occasion). Of course, the lure of a warm shower and a soft place to sleep was often time more than enough to blind him to how much he was humiliating himself.
What are you willing to do to get what you want?
How far will you go to be comfortable?

Oxygen Bar

“We're all addicted to oxygen.”
The Chemical Buddha was called all sorts of things: drunk, druggie, pothead, junkie, burn out, stoner, etc. And if he wasn’t too fucked up to do it, he would usually point out how we’re all addicted to something. He just had more going for himself than anyone else. It was one particularly inspiring moment when he it dawned on him that every animal on the planet (of which we were one) was addicted to oxygen. When he awoke to this insight, he would berate his detractors and say, "Just see how long you can go without oxygen and tell me you’re not an addict too!" He would also point out oxygen withdrawals lead to death. So you could say we’re all genetically disposed to be addicted to oxygen.
What can you not do without?
How do you feel when you don’t have it anymore and how do you adjust?

Maybe in the Next Life

“What is the afterlife? Isn't death after life?”
Two days running of The Chemical Buddha’s thoughts on death. TCB often took notice of the cycle of death and renewal in the fall and spring. Both were necessary to maintain balance. Just as sobriety was a necessary evil to being high/drunk. Without one, the other could not exist or wouldn’t be noticed. That’s why he wasn’t sure why people asked him about the afterlife. To him, as far as he knew, death seemed to be what was next in order to maintain balance. And there would be some new rebirth out of that space. Sometimes he believed what all Buddhists believe. Mainly, that we’ll be reborn depending upon our Karma (or past deeds). And sometimes he didn’t. It usually depended if he wanted to be reborn to have another crack at a hot chick who had just shot him down or not.
How do you maintain balance in your life?
Do you recognize when you’re out of balance and are you able to quickly recover?

Live Now. Die Later.

“The big cosmic joke is there is no meaning to life.”
The Chemical Buddha wasn’t one of those people who read a lot into why he was here or what life was all about. None of that really concerned him at all. He didn’t worry about the meaning of life. He worried about things like: What would it take to get into your pants? What time did the liquor stores close? Could he get weed on credit again? His only concern was the now. Besides, he figured he’d worry about death when he was dying and/or dead. TCB thought people who worried about that ‘meaning of life’ shit were going to be sadly disappointed when they got to the end and realized they had spent their life trying to figure out what it was all about, instead of living it.
How much time do you spend worrying about things you could just do?
Does the overthinking/worrying pay off or do things just go like they were going to go whether you worried about them or not?