Putting the High in Hiatus

It's finished. There is now a Medicated Meditation for every day of the year (excluding Leap Year). So all of the 'monks' are going to take a break and rest up. This proved to be a bigger strain on our brains than we anticipated. But look for a book containing all of The Chemical Buddha's Daily Meditations in the next 10 years. Also, we've 'uncovered' more of TCB's daily insights and will post them as we feel like it.

Fucking Ugly

"No one looks good while they're cumming."
After watching countless hours of porn, The Chemical Buddha noticed that people made the strangest faces when they were supposedly enjoying themselves the most. First, he thought this pointed to how closely related pleasure and pain were. Second, he assumed that he was the exception to the 'ugly orgasm face'. In fact, he was so sure, he videotaped himself masturbating to see what his face looked like. (Just so you know, few people wanted to have sex with TCB, let alone be filmed doing it.) Since we can find no recorded evidence of his 'alone time' we assume he too was a victim of 'ugly orgasm face'.
What things do you say you'd be 'happy' to do when you're really not?
How often do you do stuff you don't want to do?
How often do you actually do the stuff that you enjoy doing?

Let's Move

"If you want to move the world, drink until you have bed spins."
People join various philanthropic organizations because they want to effect the world in some way. The Chemical Buddha himself started his movement to bring people into the consciousness of being unconscious. When his followers would ask him about his impact (and their's) they could have on the world, he responded with today's insight. Like Gandhi, he believed change started with the individual. But because it was hard to literally move the world by yourself, he suggested bed spins because that was a hell of a lot easier. The next step was to fill your bed with other people who have the spins and so on and so on. That was the way to move the world.
What impact do you have on your friends and family? Is it positive or negative?
What one thing would you like to see the world embrace/move toward?
What one thing could you do to help see that come about?

Change Me!

"If you want to change your world, take some acid."
The Chemical Buddha was in favor of changing the world and actually set out to do that. But after almost a half hour, he gave up. It was waaaay too hard. So he decided to change how he saw the world. Buddha and Aristotle talked about how the world is merely what we see. Reality itself may or may not be as we actually see it. TCB found nothing changed how he saw the world better than hallucinogenics. They totally changed what he saw, heard, smelled and tasted. In fact, he had trouble deciding what world was actually real. If changing some minor chemicals in his brain could have that kind of impact, what might huge changes actually do to the world around him? He set out to discover what would happen. We believe he ultimately found that the world changed so much he had to leave it.
How do you deal with change? Do you embrace it or resist it?
How have your feelings about your past changed as you’ve gotten older?
How have your views of the world changed?

Here's Hoping

"While a man believes he's going to get laid, the woman actually knows."
The Chemical Buddha found a lot of fertile ground comparing perception with reality. However, this discovery was one of his least favorites. Before he gained awareness of today's insight, he thought he actually had some sway over whether or not he got laid. The reality was far from the truth. Well, that's not completely right. Because it was possible for him to do things that would prevent him from getting laid, everything from an eye roll to a silent fart three rooms away from his partner. But he couldn't do anything to ensure he got laid. That was completely up to the woman. As a result, TCB started to wish he would come back as a woman so he could get laid more often.
What do you know and what do you believe?
How have those two things changed as you've gotten older?
How much control do you think you have over your life? How much do you really have?

Thinking of You Thinking of Me

"Of course I only think of myself. No one else is going to."
The Chemical Buddha realized everyone was self-centered. He believed very few people truly acted for the benefit of others. He thought if someone did a kind act for another it was so they could be praised or appreciated by the other person. Or that person would return their kind act with another. This is part of the reason why TCB never did anything for anyone else. That way people thought of him more (mainly that he was an asshole) and he didn't have to do anything to get them to do it. He saw it as the perfect win-win.
How often do you think of others?
How often do you think of yourself?
How often do you think other people think of you?
What do you get out of doing things for other people?

Get Drunk. Stay Drunk.

"You'll never have a hangover if you don't sober up."
Buddhists see life as suffering and meditation as a way to relieve/release suffering. As you might expect, The Chemical Buddha's approach was different. He was in favor of avoiding any and all pain as often as possible. He taught that emotional, physical and spiritual pain could all be avoided indefinitely with the right cocktail of chemicals. Of course, there are other physical costs. Not to mention the eventual tolerance to anything you're taking, and the withdrawals and cravings. But to The Chemical Buddha that just meant the student hadn't reached enlightenment yet. He always did have an answer for everything.
What causes you pain in your life?
What do you do to avoid it?
How does avoiding it work? Does it make the pain go away?

Dick for Brains

"I'm unable to think farther ahead than the tip of my dick."
The Chemical Buddha wasn't much of a planner. He claimed that was because it would require him to leave the now and actually think ahead. We think it was a convenient excuse to forget birthdays, holidays, dinner plans, or the need to lift the toilet seat before he pissed. Because anyone that spent anytime around him knew he thought ahead a little bit. Or at least as far ahead as his dick would reach. And believe us, that wasn't very far. How he was able to reconcile this version of thinking ahead while claiming to be in the now was truly an amazing feat. He usually justified it by saying "I'm horny now so I'm trying to find who I can fuck now. And I will make choices based on who I think will let me fuck them in the future." This thinking got The Chemical Buddha to adopt fads, buy shit he didn’t need and cancel whole evenings thinking he would get laid. Which didn't work.
Do you plan or let things happen? What is the result of that in your life?
Would you be better served to plan more or less?
What do you like and dislike about planning?

Let's Cook

"Give a man some meth and he gets high for a day. Send a man to jail and he comes out with 5 ways to cook his own."
The Chemical Buddha was never a fan of punishment. And by punishment we mean being locked up. (Especially when it was him who was being punished. Unless he was being spanked, because he sort of liked being spanked.) It seemed to him putting a bunch of criminals together was the perfect way for them to learn new ways to commit more and different crimes. To TCB jail was sort of a crime college where someone could go and come out with a much better education. Just like real colleges, organization, trade groups and circle of friends. Who you hang out with determines what kind of person you’ll become. At least for the foreseeable future.
What kind of friends do you surround yourself with?
Friends who teach you new things to better yourself?
Or friends who don’t want you to learn new things and grow?

Three is a Magic Number

"To some three is a crowd. To me, it’s a threesome."
To numerologist three is the number of a relationship. There is me, you and, the third, us. To the Chemical Buddha, three was the minimum needed to have a good time. He would also agree that it was the number of a relationship as in the number to have in a relationship. The most sacred version of the number three being two females and The Chemical Buddha. Of course, there was no way TCB could come close to satisfying one woman, let alone two women. But he always hoped they would please each other and he could watch as he drifted off to sleep.
Have you ever prejudged your potential partner? What was the impact? Did they surprise you or live up (or down) to your expectations?
What are the minimum things you require in a relationship?
What are the little extras you can bring to make your relationships last?

High Enough for Ya?

"Some speak of a Higher Power. I know there is a Higher Dosage."
As an enlightened being, The Chemical Buddha was often asked his thoughts on the idea of a higher power. Usually, TCB would reply with a question of his own, "Higher than what?" Partially because he was confused how much higher people wanted their power to be. The whole concept of higher power was beyond him. Plus, he figured if such a thing actually existed, he would find out sometime in the future. However, in the here and now, he knew there was such a thing as a higher dosage (which led him to today's teaching). When he was completely wasted, he wondered if there was a relationship between a higher power and a higher dosage. Eventually, he came to know that a higher dosage would lead him to a higher power (if one existed).
How much time do you spend thinking about the here and now?
How much time do you spend thinking about the future?
How does planning for the future keep you from enjoying the here and now?
How does enjoying the here and now keep you from planning for the future?

Think Shallow

"I'm a deep thinker of shallow thoughts."
Today's insight is to combat those who said The Chemical Buddha wasn't a deep thinker. Because TCB saw himself as someone who thought deep thoughts about very superficial things. He was, after all, a product of the culture in which he grew up. One that prized celebrity over cause. One that thought the newest thing Detroit pooped out was more important than any social or economic issues of the day. So was it so unfathomable that he might spend waaaay too much time thinking about sex, drugs and food? If he were here, he would say, "No," because all things are related. Even those trivial things. What's important is bringing them all out into the light and then deciding what to do from there.
What do you spend your time thinking about?
How might you distract yourself from the bigger issues in your life?
How do you justify the life you're living?

Soul Fire

"While the fire within may burn brightly, a match works better for lighting a one-hitter."
Central to The Chemical Buddha's belief system was the thought that we were all enlightened. Most of us just needed some outside help. (Or just needed to ingest some outside help.) While TCB was often criticized for not following the teachings learned over thousands of years of meditative practice, nothing could be further from the truth. He just thought he could add his own twist to boost everyone's consciousness. He saw his charge as evolving meditation and Buddhism. Since the beginning of time everything has changed. His brand of Bud-dhism seemed like the next step combining what Buddha started 2,500 years ago that the hippies tweaked in the late 1960s. If he got laid and was able to cash in along the way, all the better.
How have you changed during your life?
How have you stayed the same?
Are you the person you want to be?
What needs to change in your life to become that person?

Holiest of Holies

"The only holy site I'm interested in visiting is between your legs."
The way The Chemical Buddha saw it, the religious oppression of women was doing the exact opposite of what it should be doing. Not that TCB had any problem with people who weren't attracted to women, pussy was just something that interested him a lot more than cock. And when TCB thought about today's insight, everyone had holes. But we digress. The Chemical Buddha thought his own brand of holy sites was way more important than some old building, rock or mound. His 'holy' sites were the source of pleasure and life. In every picture TCB saw of people at a 'holy' site no one seemed to be having fun or even smiling. That seemed fucked up to him. Plus, The Chemical Buddha's spiritual system had way more holy sites than every other religion (over 3 billion at last count). And he was interested in visiting every single one of them. Sadly, at the time of this death, TCB had only visited 13 holy sites and that was for only a few brief seconds.
What is you concept of religion/spirituality?
What do you agree with and what do you disagree with?
In the perfect world, what would your personal spiritual practice look like?
How would living that way change your life?

Love Drug

"Love is like getting high: intense, short lived and you always want more the next time."
The Chemical Buddha rarely felt anything as intoxicating as the first moment of love. Sure, there was the instant of penetration (which he loved and was unlike anything else he'd ever experienced) but that high of being around someone he loved was unmatched. Wanting to touch them. Hold them. Hear their voice. Of course, with TCB's incredibly addictive personality, the rush of love only lasted for approximate 12 minutes and 42 seconds. Then he was off to something else. He basically had the attention span of a cat in room a filled with shiny Christmas ornaments, birds, and open paper bags. Eventually, The Chemical Buddha built up such a tolerance to love, we're not sure if he was capable of feeling it later in life.
How often are you satisfied in your life?
How long do you stay satisfied?
What are the things you love about your life right now?
What things would you change?

Lie to Me

"If someone cares enough about me to fake their orgasm, I'm OK with that."
Men that The Chemical Buddha knew spent their early sexual lives worrying if they were satisfying their partners. And then worked hard to figure out what it would take to make them happy in bed. It's well documented that TCB didn't share their concerns. He didn't wonder if his lover's orgasm was 'real' or not. There was so much more to worry about. Like his own orgasm. And when it came right down to it, if someone cared enough to not hurt his feelings by pretending they felt something (anything) then that to him was the sincerest from of love possible. Because only those that truly loved him would be concerned about his pleasure and his feelings.
Do you lie to avoid hurting people's feelings?
How do you feel when people are critical of you? Would you rather have the truth or feel good about yourself (assuming both aren't always possible)?

Do You See What I See?

"The brain sees only what it recognizes. Which is why you look like a vagina smoking a joint to me."
For millennia various philosophers and religions have talked about how the world around us is merely an illusion. How we don't really see what's happening around us. The sages, mystics, and shamans have said our concept of reality has very little to do with what's really there. This is a concept The Chemical Buddha heavily bought into. In fact, he took it further and twisted reality into what he wanted it to be. Some called it living in his own fantasy world. He called it reality substitution. And who was to say his version of what was happening was any better or worse than what other people saw or believed?
Why do you believe what you believe?
How do you cope when things aren't as you want them to be?
Does your version of reality align with other peoples' versions?
If your version is different, how does that help and hurt you and your relationships.

Bliss This

"Bliss has many forms: smokeable, injectable, drinkable, edible, and fuckable."
Like Joseph Campbell, The Chemical Buddha was a big believer in doing what (and who) made you happy. Luckily for TCB, there were a lot of things that made him happy, so he didn't need to limit himself to one form of bliss. He attributed his happiness and longevity, such that it was, to his vast menu of things he liked. However, unlike Mr. Campbell, The Chemical Buddha was perfectly OK with his bliss coming at the expense of others. In his mind, his selfishness (or bliss bogarting) would spur people to get fed up with being taken advantage of and eventually find their own form of bliss to follow.
What makes you happy?
What are you willing to do to be happy?
Are you willing to potentially be miserable in the short-term if it means you'll have long-term happiness?

More Questions

"The real existential question is, 'what's for dinner?'"
As a Buddha, The Chemical Buddha was often asked about the meaning of life, what came after this life, what death was like, etc. But to TCB, none of these questions were all that important. That's because, for most of us, we didn't really need to know the answer right now. And even if we did, we'd all get to find out what the answer was soon enough. No. To The Chemical Buddha, the question that needed answering the most was about what he was going to eat next and who he was going to fuck next. Those covered his more immediate needs. Why worry about death when you might not eat or get laid again?
What big, esoteric questions do you try to answer?
Do you think getting the answer will help, or are you just distracting yourself from your more immediate needs?
What in your life feeds you and your soul?

More Than I can Handle

"If given the choice, I’d rather get more sex than I want, then less."
To The Chemical Buddha, life was about choices. Of course, this all fell apart when it came to sex. Because then he had to find someone to choose to have sex with him at the same time. And more often then not, they choose to not have sex with him. This led to TCB's world view that it's always better to be offered more than you want than to be left wanting. So whenever possible, The Chemical Buddha would work to ensure he was at least offered something. Be it plastic shopping bags, Styrofoam peanuts, twist ties, empty beer cans, or punches to the face. He was happy as long as people were offering him more than he wanted.
What do you not get enough of?
What do you get too much of?
How might you better balance the two? How often do you ask for what you want?

Size is About Perspective

"It looks a lot bigger when it's right in your face."
As has been covered at various times in these posts, The Chemical Buddha was hung like a baby gerbil. A baby female gerbil at that. So it didn't take TCB long to realize that if he put his equipment right in the face of a potential fuck, they were more likely to see it. As long as he had manscaped (or even shaved off all his pubic hair.) This observation was fundamental to his belief that everything had a viewing distance. Some things seem a lot bigger when you're close to them, but shrink when you get the proper perspective. What was important was figuring out how close to get to a problem to understand it.
What issues are you overwhelmed by?
How might a change of view/perspective help you see those issues in their proper size?

Bone in

"More erections are wasted in a day than are used in a year. Stop the senseless waste of erections!"
The Chemical Buddha discovered that he only used a small percentage of the erections he had in any given day. In fact, he put far fewer erections to work then he would have liked. This was the turning point and the motivation for his new view of his 'littleB uddha'. As a result, he vowed to put more of his erections towards the purpose of pleasure creation. Of course, this meant he got several tickets for masturbating in public and it wasn't unusual to look up from dinner to see him pleasuring himself at the table. It was around this time he became fond of saying, "Happiness is a stiff dick." Up until the time of this death, TCB figured he was getting pleasure from 10% of his daily boners.
What things in your life are you not taking full advantage of?
How might utilizing what is already at hand, help you enjoy your life more?

Enlighten This

"The truly unenlightened are always willing to tell you how enlightened they are."
The Chemical Buddha found people were always happy to tell him where he'd fucked up his life. And how much better they were than him. But what he also discovered was these very same people were often just as fucked up as he was. If not more. It was during this time he learned to trust his own counsel more. He also learned to consider the context of the person giving the advice. TCB knew everyone had their own problems to deal with. Said another way, he found no one's life was as perfect as it seemed. However, this didn't stop him from seeking the advice of others. He just didn't feel as compelled to follow it.
How do you let other's opinions of you influence your thought process?
What would happen if you trusted your own instincts and did what you thought was best? How would your life be different?

Let's Drink

"Alcohol increases the desire, but not the performance."
The Chemical Buddha considered alcohol his best friend. And, except for those few times the liquor stores were closed, his friend was always available. His buddy alcohol always helped him feel good about himself and forget the stuff he didn't feel good about. And if that's not the very definition of a good friend then we don't know what is. Today's insight came after TCB found that, up to the point of blacking out, every sip of alcohol increased his horniness. It also made for some sloppy sex where he had trouble getting it up or getting off. Oftentimes, he couldn't even remember what he did. So to him, the sloppy sex stuff was more rumor and urban myth than anything.
Where in your life do you get excited about something only to not follow through in the end?
What might you do to ensure you're doing what (and who) you want to do?

Vacant

"Empty what's full. Fill what’s empty."
It's just a natural law of nature. That which is empty must be filled and that which is full must be emptied. The Chemical Buddha found this to be true in every facet of his life and often used today's insight as his fall back advice for every situation and every student. He also tried it as a pick up line with mixed results. Usually, the class of woman TCB was talking to, didn't grasp what he was talking about. In fact, he found this to be true no matter who he said it too. People didn't get it, but it sounded smart so no one asked him to explain it. Which, quite frankly, was the best The Chemical Buddha could hope for. Because we're not sure if he knew what it meant either.
What emptiness do you need to fill in your life?
And are you filling it with the right thing?
If not, how will creating an open space allow something else to come into you life?
What do you need to empty out?

Never Forget

"No matter who you are, some religion thinks you're going to hell."
The irony of this being on September 11th was lost on The Chemical Buddha when he came up with this daily meditation for the medicated, but it seems appropriate. Regardless of the god, ungod, tree or glow worm you worship, someone somewhere thinks your going to hell or will be eternally damned because of your beliefs. Or, you think they're going to hell for theirs. Good times. The Chemical Buddha realized all this did was separate him from others. (As in it prevented him from getting in the pants of people who believed differently.) Therefore he embraced as many beliefs (and naked people) as possible.
How do your beliefs keep you separated from those around you?
Is it more important for you to understand or to be understood?
And what is the impact of that in your life?

Here's a Thought

"If I'm thinking about you, it's in the context of what you can do for me."
The Chemical Buddha stumbled upon this little bit of wisdom when his girlfriend at the time asked him what he was thinking about. He replied, "I’m thinking about you sucking on my dick. While your mom sticks her tits in my face." This was the last time she ever asked him what he was thinking. In fact, it was also the last time The Chemical Buddha ever saw her. Through this, he realized that when he thought of other people it was always about them helping him. Either with food, sex, or helping him find his underwear. In fact, he rarely thought of other people at all if he didn't need something. Luckily, he was pretty fucking needy, which meant he thought about other people practically all the time.
What do you spend your time thinking about?
And how might expressing your thoughts help and/or hurt you?

The Gift of Life

"Life is a gift most of us treat like we don't want."
Believe it or not, there was a time before The Chemical Buddha attained enlightenment. During that period of his life, TCB spent most of his time complaining about life. (He would later learn to enjoy the bounty of flesh, drugs, and raucous good times that were available to him.) During this time he was known to sulk and deeply sigh. But eventually, like most spiritual teachers, he experienced an awakening and saw life as the gift it was. However, it wasn't a near-death experience but rather when he ate some cold French fries he found in the bottom of his car while he was high. He claimed they were the best fries ever! From that moment forward he took it upon himself to wear his life out. To fully experience the gift he had been given.
What are you treating like you don't want?
What changes do you need to make to get the absolute most out of what you've been given?

Fucking Party

"Sex is the desire to connect with oneness. An orgy is the desire to connect with everyoneness."
The Chemical Buddha often took teachings from religious scholars and put his own unique TCB twist on it. For example, for centuries various gurus have theorized that we each have a soul mate out there. And our sexual desire is nothing more than wanting to be whole or connect with another to experience 'oneness'. In fact it's the experience of this oneness that gives us the closest taste of what it is to be with god/spirit/creator. The Chemical Buddha's twist was to play host to parties where the intent was to connect with everyoneness. (Some called them orgies, but The Chemical Buddha believed that name debased their higher spiritual intent. How could you find your soul mate unless you mated with a lot of souls?)
What areas of your life do you need to improve?
How can seeing things differently, help you see them better?
How are you disconnected from yourself? What can you do to reconnect to yourself?
How are you disconnected from others? What can you do to reconnect to them?

Candy Man

"The journey to Nirvana weaves in and out of rehab."
Before you head out on your journey of enlightenment through pharmaceuticals, you should know it is a difficult path. You, much like The Chemical Buddha, may doubt your path and decide you're tired of sleeping outside, having sex with strangers to score drugs, not bathing, and alienating everyone who ever came into contact with you. It's during those dark times, you might decide to get your shit together by going to rehab and cleaning up. Whatever your personal journey, The Chemical Buddha found his wove in and out of various detox centers. Fortunately for all of us, he was committed to his path and found everything he needed to eventually find Nirvana.
Are you committed to your path?
What do you try to distract yourself with from your true path?
And what do you need to do to stay on it?

Wake Up?

"I regain consciousness almost daily."
If the goal of enlightenment to gain total consciousness of all actions and to do everything with a purpose and reason, then The Chemical Buddha rationalized that those among us who regain consciousness daily were truly the most enlightened. Unfortunately, no matter how hard The Chemical Buddha tried to apply this logic, he was only able to regain consciousness almost daily. That was because his blackouts would stretch for days and weeks. But he took solace in the fact that he was totally conscious of his unconsciousness and figured that made him just as enlightened as those who were conscious of everything.
Where in your life are you asleep?
What do you not want to know about?
What do you need to wake up to you in life?
What do you need to be conscious of today?

What was the Question?

"Drugs are rarely the answer, but they'll help you forget the question."
Later in The Chemical Buddha's life, he thought that maybe, just maybe drugs weren't the answer to all his problems and questions about life. But to seriously consider that thought may have required him to undo the years of work he had invested into his path and teachings. So he figured there must be a way out of this setback. After thinking about it for at least several seconds, he realized that he couldn't remember his questions, or better yet, his problems. (Truth be told, he couldn't even remember his own name and address). So maybe drugs were actually a help after all? After this profound insight, The Chemical Buddha taught (and smoked, injected, fucked, and drank) with a new verve.
What are you using to distract yourself from the big issues in your life?
What reality are you avoiding?
If you are avoiding something, why?
Do you think avoiding it will make it go away?

The Smartest Idiot

"Smart people know we're all idiots."
After spending years pretending like he knew everything, The Chemical Buddha eventually came to understand that he didn't know very much. He reasoned that if he didn't know everything than no one could know everything. Years later, he figured out that that meant there might actually be someone who knew something he didn't. So in the eyes of that someone, he was an idiot. (Because TCB thought people who didn't know stuff he did were obviously idiots.) Although The Chemical Buddha never realized it before passing away, we have come to theorize that those who realize they're an idiot are at least slightly ahead of those who think they know everything. But of course, you also don't know what you don't know. We're pretty sure if The Chemical Buddha was still with us, he would say if you don't know what you don't know then why learn anything at all?
How curious are you about life?
Is there something in your life that could benefit from an outside opinion?
Do you ask people who know things you don't know for help? Why or why not?

It's Lite Beer Though

"You might be an alcoholic if you drink beer to sober up."
As has been reported several times over through the teaching of The Chemical Buddha's Daily Meditations for the Medicated, TCB may have had a substance abuse problem. Or, as he liked to call, a substance abuse 'friendship'. As he explored deeper and deeper levels of his 'friendship', even TCB started to worry about his drinking when he realized having a few beers helped him sober up. But instead of seeing that as a sign to stop, he was grateful to have such a helpful friend and eventually decided that if it worked, he should keep doing it. Which is what he did.
What lesser problems are you using to justify/hide your bigger issues?
How might solving the little problems help you confront what's truly holding you back?

I Don't Believe in Karma

"Bad Karma is when the cops find half a joint in your car's ashtray."
As shown on the September 1st insight, the universe/Karma can give. But what the universe gives, it can also take away. Sometimes, it can even take away in handcuffs. Back before pot wasn’t that big of a deal, The Chemical Buddha was pulled over for a routine traffic stop for driving on the sidewalk. The attending officer took one look at The Chemical Buddha's bloodshot eyes and decided to search his car where he found half a joint and someone to put in the back of his police car. The Chemical Buddha chalked this up to being at the wrong place at the wrong time. And it was the universe/Karma's way of telling him he should have been someplace else.
What is waiting in your life to trip you up?
(Again, if you know the answer, you know what it is.)
What are you getting back from the universe?
(That might help you figure out what you're putting out into the universe.)

I Believe in Karma

"Good Karma is when you find half a joint in your car's ashtray."
Some call it luck. Some call it Karma. The Buddhist belief of Karma is based on the idea that you get back from the universe what you put out. In the case of today's insight, when The Chemical Buddha found half a join in his ashtray, he assumed it was because the universe was paying him back for all the good work he was doing to promote enlightenment. In fact, he created an entire story around that one event that explained his entire life to bring him to this one moment where he would find half a joint just when he needed one most. Words cannot explain the elation he felt.
What hidden benefits are out there in your life?
(If you know the answer to this one, then it's not hidden is it?)
What are you putting out in the universe and what are you getting back?
What do you want to put out and what do you want to get back?

Let's Get Creative

"Anal sex is for those who think outside the box."
The Chemical Buddha tried to keep up on the latest news and thinking. (Mainly so he could work it into his teaching and appear 'hip' and 'in the know'.) One such phrase he found appealing was 'think outside the box'. It was all the buzz in the business world. And using that phrase was short hand for showing you wanted creative thinking. Of course, The Chemical Buddha put his own little spin on it and took 'outside the box thinking' into the bedroom. But he found his particular brand of creative thinking wasn't always appreciated. Especially if his partner wasn't calling for 'outside the box' thinking.
What areas of your life are you trying to be more creative than you need to be?
What areas could use a more creative approach?

Step on a Crack

"It's important to know which crack you smoke and which crack you poke."
We're sure it's not that far of a stretch to picture The Chemical Buddha getting so 'impaired' that he would try and hump practically anything. That includes the night he discovered today's insight. After a day of heavy drug use, TCB spent that entire night trying to mount some crack cocaine. (It started when The Chemical Buddha overheard his roommate saying he left some crack on his nightstand.) Not only was TCB left unsatisfied, but all the rock tasted like dick. (Or, so he claimed, what he'd heard dick was supposed to taste like.) From that moment on, he decided to pay attention to the difference.
Where are you confused about in your life?
To be more satisfied with life, what do you need to learn more about?

Misery Loves Company

"To feel happier, hang out with people who are miserable."
This insight came to The Chemical Buddha fairly early on and he applied it to a lot of areas of his life. If he wanted to feel tall, he hung out with short people (or kids or people in wheel chairs). If you want to feel skinny, hang out with fat people. (But after awhile he noticed a lot of skinny people were hanging out with him for some reason.) Since TCB's ultimate pursuit was happiness (and enlightenment) he decided to hang out with miserable people. And that worked pretty well until hanging out with all those depressing people almost made him want to slit his wrists.
How would you describe the people you have surrounded yourself with?
Are they helping you be the person you want to be or are they trying to keep you from changing?

That Doesn't Hurt. Much.

"Humans are the only animals that repeatedly do things they know will hurt them."
We often refer to other animals as 'stupid'. Yet even 'stupid' animals quickly learn how to avoid doing things that hurt them or bring them pain. However, the same thing can't be said for supposed 'smart' people. And The Chemical Buddha considered himself smart and definitely smarter than most, if not all, animals. But, despite his genius, he was involved in multiple painful relationships (OK, all of his relationships were painful) and had hangovers on top of hangovers. (In both cases he learned nothing helps you forget a relationship like another relationship. And nothing cures a hangover like another drink or a joint.) Of course, as the pain mounted, the relationships got shorter and shorter and he needed to drink more and more. But hey, that was something no 'stupid' animal ever learned.
What painful lessons do you keep learning over and over?
What's it going to take for you to get the lesson and move on?

Seconds 'til Orgasm

"Premature ejaculation is premature for whom?"
As the insight from August 26th showed, The Chemical Buddha was nothing if not true to himself. But after hearing some complaints about his stamina (or lack there of) TCB asked himself the above question. Because, if he was having sex to please himself, then, quite frankly, he couldn't come fast enough. Wasn't that the entire goal? If evolution's goal was for us to propagate as much as possible, then he was actually the peak of evolution. Especially when compared to those who take minutes to come. Of course, the complaints were because, it appeared to The Chemical Buddha, his partners actually wanted him to consider their needs. But it's pretty safe to say that just wasn't going to happen.
How do other people beliefs about what you should do affect your life?
What would happen if you worried less about what others thought and, instead, just focused on yourself?
What would be different if you focused on other people instead of yourself?

Faking it

"I have never faked an orgasm."
Hopefully, if you've learned anything about The Chemical Buddha it's that he was true to himself. So he never did anything (or anyone) he didn't want to do. So it was pretty safe to assume that if TCB did anything it was because he wanted to. This also meant he was a horrible liar and poker player because everyone could always tell what he was thinking. Unless he was unconscious. Then he was an awesome liar. Because of his total self-honesty, he never ever faked an orgasm. (Except for that one time when a girl he was fucking told him to pull out because she wasn't on the pill. He, of course, had already came, so he pulled out and pretended to come on her stomach.) Of course, he did believe that if someone cared enough to fake an orgasm with him, they must really care. Or think his self-esteem was too fragile to handle the truth. Truth be told, it didn't matter to him what the reason was.
Do you think other people are truthful to you?
Are you truthful with other people?
What parts of your life are you faking your way through?
Where do you need to be more true to yourself?

Ahhh, Memories

"You always remember your first, your last, and the one who gave you herpes."
The Chemical Buddha tried to draw a lot of parallels between life and sex. To him life was sex and sex was life (or at least a really good reason for living life anyway.) From an evolutionary perspective, we are here to reproduce and carry on our genes. Plus, it felt really, really good. With this understanding it's easy to make sense of today's insight. Because in sex, like life, The Chemical Buddha remembered the first and last time he did something as well as any catastrophic event in between. (Or at least the first time he recognized it happened). But all the rest, was just a blur and usually lost in the fog of his mind.
What are the big moments you need to pay attention to in your life?
And what would be better off forgotten?
What do you remember and why?

Cougar Instructions

"Once women figure out what to do with what they've got, no one wants it anymore."
The Chemical Buddha considered it a weird twist of life that once you figure out how to do something you're too old to do it. For example, by the time TCB learned to ride his tricycle (age 9) he was too big for it. The meaning behind this thought is by the time most women (or anyone else for that matter) get comfortable enough and know themselves well enough to have the sex they've always dreamed of having, they're usually too old to be attractive to anyone. Or, if a woman really applies herself and learns a lot at about sex at a young age, the very act of drinking a lot and having several sexual partners can make her look older than she actually is and again, she won't be attractive to anyone. The key is to be comfortable at what you do no matter what. TCB was sure there were exceptions to this rule and we're not even sure if, like a lot of other things, he was even right about this one. You might be better off trusting your own experience.
How does your discomfort or fear of trying something new hold you back in your life? What steps do you need to take to be comfortable in your own skin?
Or better yet, feel comfortable sharing your skin with someone else?

Fuck Reason

"I like people who think of reasons to have sex, rather than reasons not to."
In The Chemical Buddha's vast experience of trolling seedy bars for someone who might actually want to have sex with him, he found there were two types of people in the world: those who think of reasons to do something and those who think of reason not to. And there are a lot more 'not to' people than 'reasons to' people. Especially when you consider that even people who don't like to do things are searching for people to do things with. TCB reasoned this was because the easiest word in the world was 'no.' And the hardest word was 'yes.’' Unless you run into one of those people who say 'yes' to everything but don’t show up for anything. To The Chemical Buddha, these were worse than people who just said no all the time.
Do you say 'yes' or 'no' more often?
Do you over commit? If so, what do you do when you have too much to do?

Self-Taught Chemist

"Chemically enhance your reality."
The Chemical Buddha watched a lot of TV. One of the things he learned from some science show on TV was that our interaction with the world was based on the chemicals in each of our brains. And that so-called 'crazy' people have a slight imbalance that causes them to see the world slightly differently than 'sane' people do. To him, this was just another reason to show that he was on the right path. A TV show couldn't be wrong could it? Especially one with a bunch of scientists that used words with more than one syllable. This also gave TCB a quick retort to people who called him a lush, burnout or stoner, When he heard these things The Chemical Buddha would reply that by altering his chemical make-up he wasn’t running from reality, but merely enhancing it to make it more tolerable and interesting.
Is there an area in your life that could use some outside help to make it better?
What one thing would you change about your life?
How could changing that one thing effect everything?

Tattoo You?

"Not even tattoos are forever anymore."
The Chemical Buddha was grateful that real long-term relationships went out of style decades ago. That way he didn't feel so out of place for never having been involved in a relationship that lasted until morning. He noticed that people didn't want to be tied down. Didn't want to be responsible for themselves, let alone anything else. This all gelled for him when he discovered that, thanks to modern technology, the last bastion of permanence has been vanquished. Have an embarrassing tattoo you don’t like? Just erase it. Nothing lasts forever anymore. Actually the idea that it would last was only an illusion. The only constant is change. And now you don't have to be responsible for anything you do in a drunken stupor.
What parts of your life do you think will last forever?
What areas do you want to last?
Which areas do you just what to hurry and pass you by? How come? What do you think will be different?

Problems are my Problem

"My problem isn’t drugs. My problem is sobering up."
The Chemical Buddha was known to drink until black out, getting stoned until he drooled, and ODing several times. And while TCB recognized that he had a problem, he always vehemently denied that his problem was ever drugs. In fact, he saw sobriety as his problem. As in it was hard for him to sober up. He also noted that they while there were support groups for alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, etc, there weren't any sobriety support groups. So The Chemical Buddha was doomed to have no one to do a intervention about his sobriety. And we're not sure if he ever had a sober day in his life.
What parts of your life are you couching in a way that's more convenient for you and easier for you to swallow?
What 'truth' do you need to really face?

Same as it Ever Was

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
This was a difficult insight for The Chemical Buddha to come to. Difficult in the fact that he had to loose someone very close to him before realizing it. Had he learned it earlier, he might have been able to prevent his friend's senseless death. The story goes that this awareness came to TCB after he lost one of his good friends. The friend decided to end it all because his girlfriend of 8 days decided to break up with him. (We're not sure if they were actually going out or if he just though they were and he became distraught when she didn’t return his 100th phone call of the day.) So instead of seeing the pain and the problem as a temporary one, his friend choose to see it as permanent situation that would never change. And it would therefore be impossible to go on without Rebecca (or whatever her name was, because we're not even sure the friend knew it).
What molehills do you make into mountains?
What are you obsessed with now, that you won't even think about 6 months from now? A year from now? Five years from now?

I. Don't. Like. You.

"If you have to ask yourself if someone likes you, then the answer is 'no.'"
The Chemical Buddha often misread the signals women were sending out. If a woman merely glanced in his direction, TCB would waddle over and proceed to talk and grope her. No matter how she protested and tried to push him away. He just assumed they were playing hard to get. It was after misreading all the signals for several years, The Chemical Buddha came upon this insight. What he took as interest was actually just tolerance. Eventually, The Chemical Buddha met someone who was actually 'into' him and they made it very, very obvious. So much so that it never occurred to him to ask the question of whether or not she liked him.
What areas of your life are you hearing/seeing what you want to hear/see rather than what is going on?
What prevents you from seeing (and accepting) the obvious?

We had Sex?

"The best sex I ever had was the last sex I ever had."
The Chemical Buddha noticed that there were certain things in life where the last time he did it was also the best time. Of course, TCB came upon this thinking when he realized that he couldn't remember any of the previous times he had sex. He could remember the people (barely) but not the actual feelings. So it wasn't a lie when he told his partner(s) that was the best sex ever. He found this also applied to other areas of his life. For example, the last time he saw someone was how she or he always looked in his mind. He couldn't remember how they looked before. He might recognize them if he saw an old picture but he couldn't actively call up how they used to look. Just how they looked now. Of course, there was one exception when he could compile all the best possible memories (and add a few enhancements) and that was when he fantasized while masturbating.
How much time do you spend living in the past?
What parts of the past do you unnecessarily hold onto?
What keeps you from enjoying what's happening now?

Believe and Achieve

"Attain total unconsciousness."
Despite what The Chemical Buddha may have us all believe, he found it very difficult to attain total consciousness. In fact, we're not even sure if he actually knew what that meant and/or required. TCB found it infinitely easier to become one with unconsciousness. (He also found plenty of drugs and different types of alcohol to help him.) Often, just before he 'became one with the black out' (or as he called it, 'the infinite darkness') he found himself praying to God even more. As in, "Oh God, please let me get through this night." And "Oh God, I feel like shit." Although we're not sure if he actually believed in God or not. We can tell you that all of his hard work in this area allowed him to achieve almost complete unconsciousness 24/7.
In your life, have you chosen the difficult path or the easy one?
Which path do you think would benefit you the most?
How do you react when things get difficult? Do you push on or give in?

Trade for Sex

"You can either pay for sex by the hour or with half of your possessions."
This insight marks the turning point of The Chemical Buddha's attitude towards sex and relationships. TCB gained this awareness after yet another 'relationship' break up where his latest 'lover' (by 'lover' we mean someone he slept with and by 'relationship' we mean she actually stuck around until morning) moved out taking most of his possessions with her. Even though he didn't really have much worth taking, she did make off with his favorite roach clips and his beer bottle cap collection. It was then The Chemical Buddha decided it would be easier to just start paying for sex by the hour (or sex act) instead of always having to go to the thrift store to buy a blender and combing through people's trash for a new mattress.
How often do you make choices that aren't good for you?
Do these choices have a simpler solution that might serve you better?
What are you willing to give up to be in a 'relationship'?

Redefining Hotness

"Love everyone, but only fuck the hot chicks."
For months, The Chemical Buddha tried to love everyone (and everything). Or at least everyone and everything that would let him 'love' it. And while it led to several awkward mornings of hung over haze looking at the latest whale he’d just harpooned, it also helped The Chemical Buddha decide he'd rather just fuck the hot chicks. So while he could still feel love towards all things, he didn’t need to express it physically with everyone. Especially those who were f'ugly. Unless he was really drunk or really horny or really high or just didn't want to sleep by himself or if every attractive woman he had hit on shot him down, then he would give up his pursuit of hot chicks and settle for whoever he could nail.
How often do you settle in your life?
What line do you need to draw between what you want and what you're willing to put up with?
How will making choices to go after what you want help you in your life?

Buy in Bulk and Save

"I’m the pharmacist of enlightenment."
The Chemical Buddha wasn't much of a business expert, but he did know the advantages of paying wholesale over retail. Which is why, after years of supporting his local dealer, TCB decided he too could support his habit by becoming a dealer on his own. (In retrospect, this turned out to be a horrible idea because he just used up all of the stuff he had intended to sell. The only way The Chemical Buddha wouldn't do drugs was if there were no drugs in the house.) But before he learned that lesson, TCB rationalized that he would no longer be dependent upon someone else for his mind-altering experiences. In fact, he would be able to better help others open their minds. And the rest is spiritual history.
When will your realize that the student is now the teacher?
When will you start showing others the way instead of depending upon someone else's guidance?

Be Safe

"Safety is an illusion."
The Chemical Buddha found some people really, really wanted to feel safe. So much so they would try and control everything around them to have it. No matter how unattainable it was, these people would do practically anything to have it. Luckily, TCB's belief that safety was attainable fell away after one late night house party when, just before dawn, The Chemical Buddha discovered that some of his guests had had sex in his bed. (And didn't invite him.) Plus they smoked half a joint he had on his nightstand. Not only was his concept of safety totally smashed but he had to sleep on the wet spot too.
In general, do you feel safe? Why or why not?
Do you think it's possible to obtain safety?
What other areas of life do you think are unchanging? (Or do you want to be unchanging?)
In your experience, have you found that things change to matter what you do or that you can keep things from changing?

Hey Bartender

"What do I believe? I believe I’ll have another."
The Chemical Buddha believed that people's lives have more purpose and meaning when they believe in something. Be it in the good of humanity. The importance of pairing French fries with apple sauce. Or the pursuit of the perfect talk belcher. It's important to believe in something. Anything. So while The Chemical Buddha might not have had beliefs around fair play, what is morally right, what brings a person pleasure, how to be socially appropriate, how to treat other human beings (you get the idea). He did have a firm belief system (or life mission) around the ingestion of intoxicants, which could be easily summed up (no matter how out of it he was) in three simple words: "I’ll have another."
What do you believe in?
In what areas of your life are you unwilling to compromise?
What is your life's mission? Your purpose for being?

Have a Nice Day

"Women are friendly to be friendly. Men are friendly to get in your pants."
The Chemical Buddha learned this insight the hard way. Just because he would point out to a woman that he wanted to have sex with that she had a little bit of vomit on the corner of her mouth or if he said, "Excuse me," after ripping off a really loud fart to a woman as a form of sexual foreplay. Just because he did these things didn't mean everyone was that way. It took him a long time to figure out that just because a woman told him the time or pointed out that he had stepped in dog shit didn't mean she wanted to have sex with him. And even after he learned it, that didn't keep him from asking everyone woman that didn't react in disgust toward him if they wanted to fuck. He just chalked it up to one of the differences between men and women that he would never understand.
Are you only nice to people when you want something?
Do you think people are only nice because they want something?
Do you seek to understand someone or to make yourself understood?
Do you look at your own behavior towards others or concern yourself with how others treat you?

Pleasure and Pain

"It is said even constant orgasming can become agony. That's a risk I'm willing to take."
The masters said too much of anything could become painful and that we needed pain to know pleasure. That light couldn't exist without dark. And while this theory seemed to make a lot of sense on the surface, The Chemical Buddha believed they only used it to explain a particularly difficult and painful stretch a student was experiencing. Because really? Has anyone had too much pleasure? Fuck no! And there didn't seem to be any risk of that happening either. So when his teachers cautioned TCB about wishing for never-ending joy (like in today's insight) The Chemical Buddha wasn't worried at all. In fact, he would reply, "Like that’s ever going to happen dumb ass." As far as we know, The Chemical Buddha never did experience constant orgasming, although that didn’t keep him from trying every pill and ointment he could buy to make it happen.
What reasons do you use to explain why things happen in your life?
What do you spend your time wishing for?
Do you actually think it'll come true, or do you just wish for the sake of wishing?

And the Answer is …?

"Just confirm what I already believe."
Throughout history, mankind has had questions about life and formed beliefs around the answer to those questions. Like everyone else, The Chemical Buddha had his own questions. And as he sought answers, he discovered he got angry when people disagreed with what he already thought or told him something he didn't want to hear/know. And the same could be said when he answered other people's questions. TCB found the truth had very little to do with perception and if you ever wanted to see that person again, one had to be able to read the situation very well before answering. So today's insight applies to those questions that have no 'right' answer. Questions like, "Do theses jeans make my butt look big?" "What are you thinking about?" and "Was it good for you?"
How do you react when talking to people you disagree with? Do you get angry or try to see things from their perspective?
What questions do you have that you really don't want to 'know' the answer to?
What questions do you just want people to agree with you?

Two is a Group

"My disciples are groupies."
We're not sure if the 's' actually belongs on the end of disciple and groupie in this insight, but what the hell. It wouldn't be the first, or last time, The Chemical Buddha misspoke about his legion(s) of follower(s). If you asked him where all of his groupies were, he would just say they were too deep in the mystery (i.e. 'high') to be a part of any organized activities. And to be honest, The Chemical Buddha was often too high himself to lead any organized activities. In TCB's defense, he did make a lot of friends. He just couldn't remember who his friends were.
Do you like being by yourself or do like the company of others?
How much time do you spend alone?
How many childhood friends do you still have?
How easily do you make friends?
Is it hard or easy for you to keep in touch with people you don't see often?

Testosteroni

"Women have many reasons not to have sex like, 'I just met you'. However, men have only one reason: they're passed out."
We're pretty sure The Chemical Buddha didn't have the world's most active sex drive. In fact, we think there were probably some breeds of dogs and goats that were hornier. Oh, and rabbits. All that said, TCB was always looking for an opportunity to hump something, anything. Sometimes he could actually be found rubbing up against the arm of a chair. We're not sure if that was due to the fact that The Chemical Buddha didn't get laid very much or if he was just that full of testosterone. Although he did go bald at an early age and always had five o’clock shadow by noon.
What are your reasons for not doing things?
Are you more likely to say 'no' or 'yes' to trying something new?
In general, are you more comfortable trying something new or do you like a routine?

Live from Life!

"Better to be all dead than half alive."
The Chemical Buddha was all in favor of getting the most he could out of life. That said, he often ran into people who held back from life and didn't seem to fully embrace it. (And by 'embrace it' TCB usually meant embrace him and by 'him' he meant little Chemical Buddha.) But he would try to hide all that meaning in today's insight. If you reread it with what you've just learned, this meditation is best summed up as: "Better to be all dead than not to have sex with me." After seeing several walks of shame, we can say most people looked like they would have preferred to be dead. Taken at it's less sexual meaning, The Chemical Buddha believed this was our one shot to do what we wanted to do. So why not go for it? Oh, wait, I think we're talking about sex again.
How often do you fully engage in your life?
Of those times you fully engage, how often do you give 100%? If you don't do it very often, what holds you back?
How would you feel about your life if everything ended today? What would you need to do different to feel good about your life and yourself?

Ideas to die for

"The majority of people are seldom right about anything."
The Chemical Buddha wasn't a fan of the 'group think'. He found anything a group of people could agree on was usually flat and flavorless. That was because it was so full of compromise that no one was happy. TCB believed true innovation came from one person or a small group of people (three at most). It was here true radical thought lived. Of course, this might have been the thinking he used to justify the fact that a majority of people were against, even repulsed, by his teachings. He held firm in the belief that people would eventually come around and accept his ideas as mainstream. At the end of his life, he was still waiting. If we could talk to The Chemical Buddha now, we imagine he would think his death served to increase his legend. Just like dying young helped James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis and Jesus.
Which of your ideas do you consider radical?
What radical ideas do you agree with?
What mainstream ideas do you agree with?
What ideas would you be willing to fight or even die for?

One Friendly Fucker

"It’s good to be liked. It’s better to be licked."
The Chemical Buddha, "Wanna fuck?"
Random drunk woman, "I just like you as a friend."
This was a common exchange in The Chemical Buddha's life. Which led him to today's insight. While he liked having friends and saw the value in them. He liked being licked a helluva a lot better. And they didn't have to even be a friend to lick him either. Although afterward, he always considered lickers to be the best kind of friends. We think this points to the difficulty TCB had forming friendships. We’re not really sure how many he had. Of course, he considered everyone a friend, the postman, wait staff, bartenders, his dealer and anyone who he could tell what to do. And while, from the outside, it may seem like he was lonely, The Chemical Buddha never considered himself alone.
How do you define being friends?
How good a friend do you think you are?
What conditions do you put on friendship?

Another Good Idea

"Drink until the bad ideas start to sound good."
Today's insight continues the theme from yesterday's focus on alcohol. The Chemical Buddha found he could ask someone the same question during the course of a night of heavy drinking and the answer would change. He was never able to figure out if it was because they had grown more and more tolerant of the question or if the alcohol changed what they thought of it. For instance, he found that a women who, at first, was repulsed by the idea of a quickie in the restroom grew more and more open to the idea as the night went on. Some would realize this meant they needed a ride home (or to the Emergency Room). TCB always tried to find the proper shot to question ratio. Just enough to peak their interest without killing them. And that balance was crucial. Because it was extremely difficult to have a quickie in a bathroom stall with someone who was passed out.
How have your attitudes changed towards things that used to shock you? Are they more or less shocking now?
What is the worst thing (or person) you've done after a night of drinking?
How do you know when it's time to stop? Or do you press on until someone else tells you to stop?

Taking A Poll

"Alcohol: liquid persuasion."
The Chemical Buddha discovered that somewhere between buzzed and alcohol poisoning was a sweet spot where he could get someone to do practically anything. Of course, this was the same zone where someone could want to kick his ass for practically any reason too. But to him, it was worth finding 'the zone'. TCB was convinced that some of the best sex he ever had was while he was drunk. The only problem was, he didn't remember any of it, so him being good in bed existed mostly in his mind. Judging by the stories we've heard and some of the videos we've been shown, we have to say his fantasy did not reflect any known reality.
How great do you think you are?
How great are you?
How often do you ask other people's opinion of you?
How often do you give your opinion to other people? When giving your opinion, do you tell them the truth or try not to hurt their feelings?

Fuck you all

"How come when my girlfriend doesn’t want to fuck me, she doesn’t want me to fuck anyone else either?"
There was a very brief moment in time when The Chemical Buddha was actually paired up with someone. (Like most of TCB's interactions, his appetites doomed their relationship.) But out of it, came today's insight. The Chemical Buddha was never able to resolve the conflict of what to do when you want something but the other person doesn't want to give it to you. At this same time, The Chemical Buddha also discovered there were laws against taking what you want from someone. Really, really harsh laws. Today's insight only heightened TCB's interest in hookers. It's rumored he had a 'relationship' with several. But we're sure it was strictly monetary.
How do you react when people don't give you what you want?
How do you feel not giving people what they want?
Is it OK for other people to tell you 'no'? Is it OK for you to tell people 'no'?

Karma Kash

"Salvation doesn't come cheap. Which is why I offer payment plans."
Everyone always talks about wanting to be saved. They seemed worried about what was after this life and concerned that their actions here might have an impact on whatever comes next. The Chemical Buddha thought everyone should put their energy into living a life where they didn't have to worry about 'heaven' or the 'afterlife'. TCB's plan was to deal with life as it happened. No need to worry about the end. You might miss what's happening now. Of course, none of that prevented him from taking advantage of people's fear and charging them for salvation. Or, as he called it, 'possible salvation'. That way, if there was an afterlife people couldn't be too pissed at him for not reading the fine print of his offer.
Are you proud of the life you lead?
What secrets from your past do you worry about people uncovering?
How much time do you spend thinking about the past and the future?
How much time to you spend thinking about the present?

This Bud's For You

"You can’t spell Buddha without 'bud'."
It’s hard to describe how excited The Chemical Buddha was when he came to this realization. It was as if the universe was confirming he was on the right path. For a brief period of time he started calling him self The Chemical Bud-ha. But everyone just thought he had a speech impediment and made fun of him. So he resorted to just telling this insight to everyone. He even went so far as to put it on his business cards. (Which he mostly put in fishbowls at restaurants to try and win a free meal. But he couldn't even manage to do that. Even if his card was the only one in the fish bowl.) There are no known reports on what he thought the universe was trying to tell him when that happened.
Do you believe in destiny?
If so, do you try to find things to justify what happened or what you did?
How do you think you got to where you are in your life?
Was it by accident? Was it planned? Or was it some combination of both?

VHS or Betamax?

"Porn is foreplay."
It didn't take much to give The Chemical Buddha the urge to merge (as he liked to call it). A stiff breeze. The hint of a panty line. Graphic shots of penetration. A deep breath. The smell of bacon. While he knew what turned his crank he had no idea what put other people in the mood. Of course, he did have some success with getting them drunk to the point of unconsciousness. His fallback, with no documented successes to encourage him, was porn. Whether it was images, figurines, stick figures or video. He would leave it around hoping someone would get turned on and want to fuck him. But believe it or not, there were plenty of people who would get turned on, but not all of them had any desire to have sex with TCB. Which would ultimately lead him back to the insight from July 27th.
How often do you do things you don't want to do?
How often do you ask other people to do things they don't want to do?
What puts you in the mood?

Choices

"Meditate or masturbate?"
Today's insight was part of the eternal question. Or, at least it was part of The Chemical Buddha's eternal question. Once he discovered the peace and serenity masturbation gave him, he no longer asked the question. Plus, he could do it all by himself. No more rejection or the expense of getting someone else drunk/high. Really, TCB wasn't sure why anyone would choose meditation over masturbation. Of course he wasn't sure why people choose a lot of the things they did. He assumed it was because it made them happy or gave them some sense of comfort.
Do you 'like' having people around or do you 'need' to have people around you?
What 'bad' choices do you make over and over?
What do you get out of these 'bad' choices?

Like a Rolling Stone

"The hunger for your true self comes with a serious case of the munchies."
Contrary to popular belief, The Chemical Buddha wasn't always overweight. In fact, he was once quite trim. That was before he started smoking a lot of pot and drinking a lot of beer searching for his inner seeker. His journey also set him on a quest to try every type of junk food. He especially liked mixing his sugary snacks with his salty snacks. Today's research shows that you eat more when you alternate between the two. But if you eat just one, you'll eventually satisfy that part of your brain and stop eating. However, The Chemical Buddha was constantly looking for satisfaction. Or, as The Stones said, "I can’t get no satisfaction." The Chemical Buddha was pretty sure they wrote the song about him. Even though it was written 15 years before he was born. He believed it foretold of his coming. He saw The Stones as prophets.
How easy are you to satisfy? Or are you always looking for something better?
Do you alternate between things that seem like opposites? If so, how does that work in your life?

Offensive

"Sex is best left to the professionals."
A few earlier insights delve into how The Chemical Buddha felt about girls who were in the flesh trade. So it should come as no surprise that he thought they were well worth the money. Few complaints. No commitments. And they would do whatever he wanted them to do. Although you know you've accomplished something when you can offend a hooker. And believe us, there were a few times The Chemical Buddha managed to pull off that feat. Of course, it might have just been he couldn't come up with enough money to make it worth their time. Even hookers are unwilling to do some jobs if the money isn't right. The same can't be said for everyone.
Are you easily offended or hard to offend?
What typically sets you off?
How often do you offend people? What do you risk by offending people more (or less)?

Fucking Polluted

"Although you can't step into the same stream twice, you can pollute the hell out of it and kill everything in it."
This insight came from the time The Chemical Buddha was an environmental activist. He really just did it for the chicks and once they all rejected him, he moved on. Besides, all the environment-killing capitalists had all of the booze and their women were hot and had daddy issues. So they would just fuck TCB to get back at their dads. It was a win-win-win for The Chemical Buddha. But, for a brief period of time, he was appalled at the environmental degradation he witnessed. Luckily, he never drew the parallel between what was being done to the world around him and what he was doing to his body. But then, he always had a selective attention span.
What do you choose not to notice?
How involved are you in your life? Do you actively live it or passively live it?

Sorry Shit

"I'm the prophet of profit."
Say what you will about The Chemical Buddha, he had a way of putting things that was so blunt and honest that it was almost endearing. Although a little more tact (or at least knowing when to try to be tactful) might have helped him. When someone told him to say he was sorry, he replied, "Fuck no I’m not saying I’m sorry." Or, "Why would I? I did it on purpose." Unfortunately, that was in front of the cops who had been called because he 'accidentally' hit someone in the head with a rock. Luckily, he was a teenager, so he only had to spend a little bit of time at juve'. It was there that he learned how to do some really serious shit.
How often do you tell the truth?
How often do your words hurt people's feelings?
How often do you apologize for something you actually did on purpose?

Fucking fun

"The best things in life cause STDs."
There are multiple sex related insights from The Chemical Buddha. (We're going to hazard a guess and say about 99.9% of TCB's waking time was spent thinking about sex, making jokes about sex or trying to get someone to have sex with him.) This one was used whenever a recent sexual partner complained about contracting an STD from TCB. (There's some nice symmetry.) Although they would often reply (sometimes at the top of their lungs) that sex with him wasn't even in the top 1 million of life's best things. But that didn't deter him from believing it was all worth it. In fact, he would readily admit that he was the best he had ever had. But that might have been because he could only clearly remember having sex with himself.
What are you favorite things about life?
How much time do you spend doing them?
How much time do you spend doing things you don't enjoy?
What could you do to enjoy yourself more of the time?

Hitting the Pipe

"My monks are meth heads. My nuns are crack whores. My monasteries are drug houses."
The Chemical Buddha had a pretty realistic understanding of who his followers were: people who were willing to strip away everything to see what remained. They were not distracted by the material trappings of life and did not strive to have the new car or big house. (Unless, they needed to raise cash. Then they wanted it so they could sell it for drugs.) In general, he found them to have a simple view of life with basic priorities like food, shelter and toilet paper. And while most of society shunned his followers, TCB welcomed them with open arms (as long as he didn't have anything of value on his person).
Who do you dismiss based on their appearance?
What judgments do you have about people who are different then you?
Would you describe most of your friends as similar to you or different than you?

Macho Man

"Although today's a good day to die, I'd rather not."
The Chemical Buddha lived his life like he could die at any moment. So he wanted to get the most out of every moment. One of his mantras was, "Today is a good day to die." We’re not sure but he probably heard it in some war movie or something. Generally, when he said it, it was when he was trying to be macho. Like just before he did a shot of tequila, or plunged a syringe of heroin into his arm. There were a few times he had to be rushed to the hospital with an overdose (or alcohol poisoning). When he came to, he would yell, "Why the fuck did you let me do that!?! Are you trying to kill me or something? Shit! Motherfucker!" We're sure the last two words were just because TCB liked to cuss so he'd seem all macho and shit.
What do you do to make it seem like you don't care?
When you're afraid, what do you do to act like you're not?
What do you like about your life?
What don't you like?

Believe it!

"The reason God and religion make sense to us is because we invented them."
The Chemical Buddha thought that the human brain could make the craziest things make sense. In fact, the more far-fetched it seemed the more people seemed to believe it. For whatever reason, people seemed to think that was much easier than accepting the simple truth. He was sure it was because people didn't want to accept the truth or because to think that this was all there was would depress the hell out of them. TCB knew that if he thought too long on it, he would get a sinking feeling in his stomach which he would fill with alcohol and Twinkies. Or, better yet, alcohol filled Twinkies.
What are your core beliefs?
How did you form them? Were they things you thought up or did you adopt the beliefs of others?
What do you believe to be true? And is it true or do you just believe it to be true?

Full of Life

"Life is a drinking game."
The Chemical Buddha said a lot of things that he thought were clever. However, this might be one of the very few things he said that other people actually thought was clever too. (It also worked as a good excuse to be drunk all of the time.) TCB used this insight to remind himself not to take life too seriously. He thought life was a game where you figured out how to win as you went along. (By win, TCB meant getting what you wanted out of life.) He noticed that everyone operated under a different set of rules. But, for whatever reason, drinking seemed to help people forget the rules they learned and just go for what they wanted to do.
Do you think life has 'rules'?
If so, what 'rules' do you follow?
What 'rules' do you want others to follow?
Do you think there are 'rules' that apply only to you? And ones that apply only to others?
If so, what are they?

Ever Fucked a Buddha?

"I’m just into enlightenment for the chicks."
The Chemical Buddha didn't believe people were ever completely selfless. There was always a reason for everything they did. They donated money to show people they were rich or to feel good about themselves. Men opened doors for women so they could look as their ass when they walked by. There was always a motive. And he was no exception. While he initially got into enlightenment for the selfish reason of becoming enlightened, he eventually came to think he could also get laid out of the deal (not to mention free drugs and junk food). Did he get more pussy, drugs and Twinkies then he would have if he hadn't been an enlightened being? Luckily, we'll never know because he chose to think only of himself and walk the path to enlightenment.
Why do you do what you do?
What do you get out of it?
If you were honest with yourself, what is the real reason you do what you do?

High There

"High on pure ego."
The Chemical Buddha felt the best during those brief moments when he actually loved himself. He felt better than he could on any type of drug. Don't get us wrong. He felt really, really good when he was high/drunk but when he was mainlining pure ego, everything just seemed to flow. People loved him and he loved himself. I think it's safe to say, judging by his behavior; The Chemical Buddha didn't feel good about himself very often. Because, when that happened he would try and prop his fragile ego up by buying shit he couldn't afford, eating when he wasn't really hungry and doing drugs pretty much every waking moment of his life. In fact, we're sure if he had been more of an egomaniac he probably wouldn't have been The Chemical Buddha we know and love.
When do you feel 'good' about yourself?
When do you feel 'bad' about yourself?
What do you do to try and prolong feeling 'good'?
What do you do to try and not feel 'bad'?

God = Dog

"I appreciate any religion that uses drugs during its ceremonies."
One of the things that The Chemical Buddha appreciated about most major religions is they all had some way for people to get fucked up/feel different. (He would have said all religions, but quite frankly he wasn't very familiar with Buddhism, let alone any other religion.) TCB found it funny that for humans to have a 'spiritual' experience, they had to feel different than human. This made him wonder if animals (since they weren't human) felt a spiritual connection we didn't. Then he noticed that dog was god spelled backwards. Coincidence? He didn't think so. Which is why he always prayed to dog god.
Do you believe in only what you see or do you think there is more?
What is your relationship to the people and things around you?
Do you look at the world with a sense of awe and appreciation or as something to be navigated through?

Whip it Good

"Lawyers are paid so well because no one would do it for free."
As much as The Chemical Buddha was a hippie liberal, he also believed the price of something had nothing to do with the thing itself, but what people thought this 'thing' was worth. If he wanted to get high, he would pay practically anything for a joint. But if he was already stoned, he could care less and the joint had a lot less value. He tried to convince people that he was worth what he charged because no one else could offer his combination of enlightened insight and working knowledge of drug interactions. He was a specialist dammit! However, some professions, had high salaries because, 1) not everyone could do it and 2) no one else wanted to do it. For example, lots of people want to be musicians, actors, and artists. So those jobs pay shit in the beginning. And anyone could flip burgers, pick up trash, and dig ditches. So again, low pay. But some one who was smart enough to fuck people over and actually enjoyed doing it? Now there was a job that was hard to fill. So there will always be a shortage of good lawyers and dominatrixes.
Make a list of all of your special skills. What do you love doing so much you would do it for free?
What would you only do for an obscene amount of money?

Holland Tunnel Ahead

"Some are born into greatness. Others have greatness thrust into them."
The Chemical Buddha always had in his mind that he was destined for greatness. We're not exactly sure where this thought came from because none of his peers, friends or family members were into promoting high self-esteem. They were more concerned with TCB not being to uppity. However, we do know after several stints in various jails he came up with today's insight. Up until his final days (and possibly after that) he believed he could achieve anything he wanted. He knew he could accommodate a wide variety of widths and lengths in his ass. Hmmm. Two days. Two anal sex references. We're sure it's just a coincidence. Or, this is just a shitty time of the year.
Do you believe in destiny?
If so, what do you believe your destiny is?
Do you believe in free will?
If so, what choices do you need to make to live the life you want to live?

Holes of Glory

"I consider myself both buy-sexual and try-sexual."
People would occasionally try to guess The Chemical Buddha's sexual orientation. (Sometimes, thanks to his ample bosoms, they'd even try and guess his sex.) First, TCB couldn't figure out why it mattered to them. He was in favor of any combination that had the word sex in it. Heterosexual, homosexual, buy-sexual, try-sexual. Whatever. As long as he was having an orgasm, he didn't care how he got there. Sure, he had preferences, but TCB, wasn't willing to restrict who and how he would get his pleasure. Plus, he was usually highly 'enhanced'. One time he thought he'd been in a threesome with a dragon and a unicorn. (Although we never found a unicorn, let alone one whose horn smelled like TCB's ass.)
How do you define yourself? How do you think people define you?
Do you feel like you're a person who's open to possibilities or are you someone who only likes a few things?

Running on Empty

"Alcoholics never have alcohol."
Today's insight was something The Chemical Buddha experienced in his early childhood. While his parents were drug addicts and drunks, within 45 minutes of them getting home from the liquor store (or dealer), everything was gone. They drank whatever they had. While his mother was a sex addict, outside of TCB's dad she never had sex with the same person twice. As a result, The Chemical Buddha was a 'use it till it’s gone' sort of guy. Believe us, you couldn't show up at his house expecting to find anything to drink, smoke or eat. Even if you brought your own stuff with you, he would quickly use whatever was within arm's reach. One time, while I was using the bathroom, he even drank the rest of my beer.
What is your philosophy? Do you save for a rainy day? Use what you have? Or does it depend upon what it is?
What do you save? What do you use up?

Who Wants Tea?

"Breathing makes me horny."
Quite frankly there weren't many things that didn't make The Chemical Buddha horny. Except orgasms. But orgasms were the only thing that didn't. And really, even that didn't keep him from being horny for very long. He attributed his horndoggedness to his literal love of life. In fact, he said he loved life so much he wanted to cum all over the face of life. (And believe us when we say, he tried to cum on a lot of faces. With varying degrees of success.) Of course, he called it spreading his chi, or life energy. Not that you have to worry about it, but this thinking did completely change this writer’s concept of chai tea. Or, as TCB called it chi tea. (Yes, we know chi, chai are not the same thing, but The Chemical Buddha didn't notice. Or if he did, he didn't care.) It was waaay saltier than I expected.
What do you love about life?
Do you fully invest yourself in your life or do you hold back?
If you invest in life, what do you invest in?
If you're holding back, what are you saving it for?

Doing Life

"Most men do whoever will do them."
The Chemical Buddha recognized men had primal needs. Where the desire for orgasmic release could become all consuming. (Just so you know, the concept that women liked to get laid too took a little bit for him to get his head around. But he gradually came to accept and appreciate it.) This primal need was one of the biggest obstacles everyone had to over come. Which is why several of his other insights dealt with going ugly early, etc. Because TCB wasn't against the orgasm per say, but more the constant pursuit of a sexual partner. That’s why he promoted the use of hookers, massage parlors offering happy endings and masturbation. TCB thought this allowed for the orgasm to be achieved when wanted and needed. He thought it was important to choose the time, rather than the other way around. (But we're not exactly sure what the hell he meant by that.)
Do you choose how your life goes or do you listen to other people?
Do you think you're powerless over you life or that you have a say?
Is life 'doing you' or are you 'doing life'? (If you're in prison and reading this, your answer may vary depending on your sentence.)

Ugly Truth

"No one is ugly with my dick in their mouth."
The Chemical Buddha knew that beauty was only skin deep. (Although he was interested in penetrating someone's skin as many times as possible.) TCB believed we all found certain types of people attractive for very specific reasons. And while today's insight may at first seem cruel, to The Chemical Buddha he believed it spoke more to the transitory nature of beauty and helped redefine the idea of 'inner beauty.' (Which he sometimes called in-her beauty. When he said that, he thought he was being pretty clever. And we have to admit it would be clever. For an eight-year-old.) Of course TCB was also a fan of the joke: "What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut is someone who sleeps with everyone. A bitch is someone who sleeps with everyone but you." More evidence of the transitory nature of acceptability, desire, and beauty?
What do you find attractive?
Has your opinion of what you like changed over the years or stayed the same? If it's changed, how has it changed?
How long does it take for you to become tired of people?

Yawn

"Addicted to ego."
In the beginning, most of what drove The Chemical Buddha was his ego. His ego always wanted the next new, shiny thing. The next delicious treat. He always wanted to see a new woman naked. But as he simplified his life down to Twinkies, pot, and sex (he would always want to see someone new naked). His ego had less of an impact on his life. Of course his life was really, really, boring and even we don't have much to say about this time.
What part of your life are you constantly changing? Why do you think it needs to change?
How much of your life do you spend 'bored'?
What excites you about your life?

Ready? Fire! Aim!

"Mankind's worst affliction is erectile dysfunction combined with premature ejaculation. Once you get it up, it goes off."
While there may be many ills that mankind suffers: cancer, starvation, malaria, liquor sales that close, etc. To The Chemical Buddha, he couldn't imagine anything worse than today's insight. It would take hours of cajoling, pep talks, and watching porn to have sexual enjoyment. Only to have it be over in seconds. Don't get us wrong, TCB was all for hours of porn watching, but he considered that research. Thanks to advancements in medical technology, half of this problem has been solved with the advent of various ED pills. However, getting it up was hardly TCB's problem. The gun going off while he was still taking it out of the holster was.
Do you look forward to the next moment or do you enjoy the one you're in?
Do you labor over choices or do you go with your gut?
What would your ideal decision process and life enjoyment look like?

Fuck You Money

"Nothing is as sexy as money."
While this might seem to be in direct contrast to the insight from July 4th, The Chemical Buddha was able to hold both in his mind. He would say he preferred the both/and to the either/or. In TCB's mind having money didn't mean you were rich. It just meant you could afford to buy a six-pack or a dime bag or some day old Twinkies. When forced to evaluate people, The Chemical Buddha always found himself more attracted to someone who also had other things he wanted. For example, TCB would choose an unattractive woman with 5 lukewarm beers over a more attractive women without any beer. Besides, if he pounded the 5 beers fast enough, the beer goggles would make the unattractive woman look way more beautiful.
What qualities are you attracted to the most?
How often do you give people outside of your 'attraction set' a chance?
Why do you think people are attracted to you?

Independence Day

"The homeless are more free than the rich."
The Chemical Buddha wasn't one of those people who envied the rich (or felt sorry for the homeless). He figured we all had our own stuff to deal with, so why be jealous of anyone? However, if you pressed TCB and asked him if he'd prefer to be rich or homeless, he would reply with today's insight. He thought homeless people have no responsibilities except what they're going to eat for the day. The rich, on the other hand, had to do a lot just to maintain their lifestyle. Be it work or manage their investments. And there was always someone that wanted to take their place. However, if a homeless person could arrange it, they could spend their winters on the beach and their summers up north. They could go where they wanted. They might not be able to go exactly when they wanted, but they had plenty of time to enjoy the trip. Sure, homeless people couldn't afford the finest restaurants, but they could eat out of the dumpster in back. If you're rich and would like to experience the 'freedom' of being poor, TCB would be happy to 'hold' your money, property and investments for you.
How do you judge people based on what they have?
How do you judge people on what they don't have?
What do you buy or do just to impress the people around you?

Focus on Focusing

"Sometimes you just have to pick a side and rub."
Early posts have spoken at length about the size of The Chemical Buddha's endowment. But despite it all, he accepted that he had what he had and didn't worry too much about it. Although he did recognize it as a short-coming, he wasn't too proud to seek advice on what to do. One of the best things anyone told him was to not worry about reaching everything. Just focus on one thing and make the most of it. While the person giving the advice intended for TCB to focus on his partner, The Chemical Buddha instead choose to focus on the tip of his dick. Although he did take this insight and apply it to other parts of his life. Eventually narrowing down all of the things he was involved in to pot, sex and Twinkies. Not only was he able to give those three things more of his attention, but it made it incredibly easy to Christmas shop for him.
How often do you focus on one thing?
How often is your attention scattered across multiple things?
Which do you find works better?
What prevents you from focusing on one thing?
What prevents you from seeing a multitude of things?